Mary, Mungo, Midge, Tidge and Squidge!

06-May 2010

2010-05-06T20:15:00.000+01:00

Post number 90 and my last post.

We picked them up at 9.30 and gave the FC a card, flowers, chocolates and photo frame from them. We met their social worker and signed our lives away! We picked up the last few bits and pieces, then said our goodbyes. I thought I was going to blub big time but I didn’t. FC held it together well, she is a strong lady!

We then drove home without a peep from them all - mainly due to Tom and Jerry on the car DVD! We had a relaxing morning in the lounge playing with toys and then lunch of Midge’s favourite – sandwiches! We popped to the shops to pick up some bits and then into the garden. Midge didn’t follow Mumma’s instructions and so had to stay in with her for some time-in whilst she unpacked the shopping and tidied up. A bit later on he said sorry of his own accord, so he is realising what is happening. We then had tea – meatballs, sweetcorn and rice yummy!

Then we did the first full bath and bedtime routine here. We chucked them all in the bath together and they all loved it. They each chose a bedtime story and we read to them. Then it was time for Squidge’s bottle and into bed for them all. Midge wouldn’t stop talking, Tidge screamed for a while and needed Daddy’s hand for a while. Squidge went off in 2 minutes flat! We have sussed Midge and Squidge so we need to work on Tidge – but it’s only the first night! Let’s hope they don’t wake until the morning – ha haa!

Thanks for all your support over these 10 days and the previous few years. I have loved every minute of writing my blog. We have had such fantastic feedback from you wonderful readers and if it wasn't for you all I might not have continued sometimes. It has been a three year adoption slog on top of two years naturally trying and two years / four cycles of IVF. We have had the worst journey bar none and many times I wondered if any of it was going to be worth it. When I kissed our children goodnight tonight for the first time in their new beds in their forever home, the pain, heartache and blackness was wiped away in an instant. We are a family at last. Lots of love from Mary, Mungo, Midge, Tidge and Squidge xxxxx

Our journey

2010-05-06T20:00:00.000+01:00

Jul 03 We started dating, after knowing each other as colleagues for a few years
Dec 03 Started trying for a family
Feb 04 Got engaged and bought our house
Feb 05 Got married
Aug 05 Started IVF
Nov 06 Stopped IVF after 4 ICSI cycles
Apr 07 Decided to adopt so applied to agency
Jul 07 Application accepted
Nov 07 Prep groups completed
Mar 08 Home study completed
Aug 08 Approved to adopt a sibling group of 2-3 children aged 6 and under. Actively looking for children
Dec 08 / Jan 09 Potential link with a sibling group of three; due to the decision to split up the boys we decided not to proceed
Mar 09 / Apr 09 Potential link with a sibling group of three; the social workers went with another couple who were geographically closer and more able to reflect their cultural identity
Apr 09 / Jul 09 Linked with a sibling group of three. Received reports: Children's Permanence Report, medical, foster carers and nursery. Met with children's social worker and their agency's Family Finding social worker. Officially linked on 9th July. On 24th July birth family no longer support the plan for adoption, have their own plan and are in a much stronger position than they were. The court date is set for February. Due to the uncertainty of the outcome and the 6-month wait we decided not to proceed
Aug 09 We had a break from family finding for a month following a failed link. We are looking at ways to make ourselves better known to social workers and had our one year review on 27th August.
Sep 09 We have become more proactive in contacting social workers and have updated our profile. This has lead to three sets of social workers being interested in us and paperwork has been swapped.
Oct 09 We had a meeting on 13th October with social workers regarding a sibling group of two and were not successful. We decided to take a short break from blogging
Nov 09 Re-linked with group of three that failed in July - yayy! Placement order to be granted in February
Dec 09 Awaiting outcome of interim court hearing
Jan 10 Still awaiting outcome of interim court hearing
Feb 10 Care Order and Placement Order granted. Matching panel was pencilled in for 5th March but subsequently cancelled
Mar 10 Matching panel due 9th April. Met foster carer, nursery school teacher and Medical Adviser
Apr 10 Matched to three children under the age of five - extremely relived and happy Introductions start 27th April
May 10 Introductions for 10 days, brought home our Midge, Tidge and Squidge on 6th May 2010 - THE END!

05-May 2010

2010-05-05T22:25:00.000+01:00

Picked up our beautiful babies at 11 then back home for the day. We had lunch, went to the park and the local shop - first outing for the pram, which worked a treat. Midge has a habit of running off and not listening to us, so he spent some time holding Mumma's hand. We bought flowers and a card for the foster carer, along with the photo frame and box of choccies we already had for her. The children picked the flowers they wanted to give her - well, Midge did actually, as the others weren't paying attention, When I say picked, I do mean chose from the bucket in the shop - not picked out of some random garden along the way lol We met a friend of mine on the way back who said we all looked great walking together and she had tears in her eyes which started me off! We then played in the garden and Daddy took lots of pictures.

Then we had dinner and they had their first bath in their new home, daddy read a bedtime story and then it was back to FC in their PJ's! All of them fell asleep on the way back, so cute! We had a cuppa with the FC and talked about the day. She gave us a card and one for the children from her and one from the 'transport people' - the people who took the children to contact, etc. We picked up all their clothes and the last remaining toys and bits. The we came home, it was the last time we drove home without them. We are picking them up tomorrow at 9.30 then bringing them home forever :D xxxxx

04-May 2010

2010-05-04T21:34:00.000+01:00

Rest day ha haaa! We were out of the house at 8.30 for the review meeting on our rest day. It went really well, the foster carer was ace, she gave good and positive feedback. We and she just cannot believe how well intros have gone and we are expecting it all to go pear shaped at some point soon! Or maybe it's just meant to be this great. The FC did point out that they rarely ALL have off days as the same time, so when one is grumpy the others are usually fine. Everything is still set for them to move in on Thursday :D !!!!! It can't come soon enough!

so our rest day was a 7.30 alarm call, a meeting over there, back home, finalising shopping, washing, gardening and a review with our social worker (who couldn't make the morning meeting) until 6pm!

Saw them for an hour today, it was very hard to leave. Tidge screamed the house down when we left, Midge sulked and Squidge wasn't too happy either! When we got home I got really emotional about having left them and had a few tears of my own.

We don't need to be there until 11 tomorrow, so we do have a bit of a lie-in - our last one for some time! My sore throat is getting better, so let's hope it's gone by the morning!

03-May 2010

2010-05-04T15:39:00.000+01:00

Well, what a week! Best week of our lives - ever! we are just so lucky that we found these children, they are amazing and beautiful and funny and happy! call me biased, I know :D

oh and i never thought i would love anyone more than my husband but there are three little people who might be just a little bit higher in my affections than him!

We were up at 5.30 to get there by breakfast and do the feeding, then dressed and out to come home - without FC! its was a rainy day so we staying in for the morning. we visited the new bedrooms again and Tidge seems to have accepted her new bed and wardrobe. Midge is saying 'my bed', 'my new home', and '[name of FC]'s house', this is brilliant, we are so pleased! Mumma prepared the new curtains and made the beds whilst Daddy sorted the curtain poles. lovely domesticated bliss :D

we then spent the rest of the morning playing with cars. They play so well together, Midge is a bit boisterous but generally they follow instructions very well.

we made the mistake of telling Midge what he was having for lunch and he said he didn't want it, then he refused to eat it and said he didn't like chicken nuggets. the irony is that chicken nuggets was what he had wanted the other day, which he didn't get and then stropped about not getting them! u gotta larf! the other two ate well and then we all had fruit for dessert. daddy and i are eating much more healthily, at the right times and reducing our portion sizes. we think we have nearly nailed the eating routine, FC says give them a massive breakfast, cos they will ALWAYS eat then and then if they are fussy in the day u wont worry so much.

In the afternoon it was a bit dryer so we took them into the garden to play with the outdoor toys that we have been very generously given by friends. at first we started interacting like we did the other day, then remembered to let them get on with it! midge had a difficult time at one point and Mumma had to intervene, there were tears from him and it was upsetting for all three of us (the little two were playing) but we got there. Mumma and Midge had a kiss and a cuddle to make it all okay. FC says they don't hold a grudge, once they have sulked or screamed they happily get on with it.

Daddy and Mumma got a bit niggly with each other (out of earshot) but that's not surprising given the amount of sleep we have been getting lately. i think we have done very well considering everything we have been thru! its brought us closer together for sure, because we are thinking as a couple not as individuals - but that's what the adoption process forces you into. we are both loving it and feeling happy

We took them back to FC for tea, bed and bath-time routine, Midge stropped because he only had two bedtime stories. we then had a long chat with FC about progress and the lack of concern showed by any social worker. we haven't heard from any social worker in the whole week. as we were talking, our social worker texted me - her ears were obviously burning then! We didn't leave there until gone 8 and then it was more or less straight to bed when we got home.

Today (Tuesday) is our rest day. I say 'rest' but we have to be back over to near the FC for our review meeting at 9.30, we pop in to see the kiddiewinks for an hour and then have a visit from our social worker at our place at 4pm. we also have to buy a present for the FC and catch up with household chores like washing and some shopping bits. no rest for us then! to top it all, Mumma woke up at 4.45 with a raging sore throat and couldn't get back to sleep :(

02-May 2010

2010-05-02T20:30:00.002+01:00

It was another early morning, picked by Daddy to come to visit the house for the first time, along with FC. We played with some toys they brought over (and then left here) and we spent quite a bit of time telling Squidge not to touch things in the lounge, so we need to have a think about whether to change it about or leave it and take the pain of constant ‘no’s’. They loved their rooms, Midge wanted to go to sleep in his new bed! FC thought they were great too and thought they would be very happy in them.

Then it was time for lunch: a shepherd’s pie, lovingly prepared by Mumma. And you know what? None of them touched it :( Midge did eventually eat his though, it took over an hour, because he ate his peas one at a time!! Then we had fruit and yoghurt and they lapped it up! So I guess at least they had something healthy to eat. Then we had a lovely afternoon playing cars on the carpet. Unfortunately, because of the heavy rain it was too wet to go and play in the garden, so we were a little bit stir crazy in the house. But compared to the size of the FC’s house we did pretty well!

Daddy made sandwiches for tea, and Mumma made her famous five minute chocolate cake, which went down very well. Lesson Number Four: Serve up hot food and THEN get them to wash their hands, so that the food has time to cool down! We realised it was getting very late so Mumma drove them home and brought back MORE toys!

Someone mentioned today that we must be exhausted. I replied, “Exhausted? That's putting it mildly lol! After yesterday's activities I found muscles hurting this morning that I didn't know I had! We have to be out of here by 6.15 tomorrow morning to pick them up and bring them home, then will be taking them back, doing the bedtime routine and won't be leaving there until at least 7pm!”

Four more sleeps until they are home for good – we are itching to keep them at home now, it can't come soon enough!

01-May 2010

2010-05-01T21:06:00.000+01:00

We picked up our gorgeous little squirts at 9.30 this morning. The FC says they are already transferring their affections: when she woke up Squidge this morning she asked if he wanted to go out with Mumma and Daddy and he said nah, so she asked if he wanted to go out with her and he said NAH! So she asked again if he wanted to go out with Mumma and Daddy and he said yeah! Tidge doesn’t like loud noises and when the washing machine started to spin loudly before we arrived she cried for ”Mumma” and didn’t want FC!

We drove them back to our home town and a children’s play centre nearby. We chose this particular one as it is more expensive that the others nearby – seeing as Social Services are paying all our introductions expenses, we might as well take full advantage!

We had our first meal on our own with them and at last Squidge had more than a couple of mouthfuls! Mumma made her second mistake by giving Midge too many choices. He couldn’t decide so Mumma asked if he was happy for her to chose for him and he said yes, so she said okay you can have fish fingers. Daddy went and ordered but by that time Midge didn’t want fish fingers he wanted chicken nuggets. So we had a sulky boy who didn’t eat his fish fingers! Lesson Number Two: Only give them two choices not six!

Mumma and Daddy played and played and played on all the equipment and had a very enjoyable, if tiring, time! Lesson number three: Don’t automatically believe Tidge when she says she can’t pull herself around in the Little Tykes car – because after Mumma and Daddy did it for hours and then had a rest, she promptly carried on herself – hmmmm!

Then it was back to FC for tea (lasagne!) and the full bath-time routine. We read bedtime stories and put them to bed. Mumma and daddy then drove home a car load of toys! We are tired and achy, and very much falling in love with them! It was great being a typical family on a day out - literally a dream come true. We are very happy - another fantastic day :D xxxxx

30-Apr 2010

2010-04-30T19:39:00.001+01:00

An early start, we had to be there by 8.30. They were just finishing breakfast and so we helped feed Squidge. After more play (a tough job!) we bundled them into the car - they seemed to enjoy being in their seats. We drove them to a park and played on the swings and slides for over two hours. It was lovely to be with them and without the foster carer. This is no disrespect to the foster carer who is excellent, but it meant that we were able to see what it's like on our own. There were no stinging insects or spilt bodily fluids this time! AND I had my brand new changing bag with me :D Felt like a proper Mumma! We went back to the FC for lunch and fed them, then we played until 3pm.

All the children are (after a fashion!) following our instructions and accepting that there are consequences if they don't, so we are really pleased. They are very trusting of all adults as they just go with us without any fuss at all, which, sadly, makes our job easier - bitter-sweet stuff. Midge seems okay to let us go because he knows we are coming back the next day. Tidge really didn't want us to go today, but she doesn't have a concept of tomorrow so we can't explain that we will come back, so bonds are definitely forming there :) Squidge says "Bu-bye" lots and really loudly when we leave lol

I am starting to really fall for all of them, especially Tidge, she is just gorgeous and she has my eye and hair colouring. We had our first comment from other people today: a lady in the park commented to Daddy on Tidge and said how gorgeous she is - of course she is! She also asked if Tidge and Squidge were twins, to which Daddy said no, they are a year apart in age. She looked us both up and down with that look on her face of OMG! Inside I was beaming lol

I am getting the measure of Squidge and his screaming tantrums, which only seem to appear when he is tired, so I am pleased I can work that out. Otherwise, he is a typical 18 month old boy! We think Midge might calm down when he is here, partly because the house where FC lives is a tiny 2-bed house. During the day there’s the FC, the three children, the FC’s adult daughter and her baby there!

We have our first full day with them tomorrow, again without the FC during the day. We are still loving it all, in spite of nappies!!!

29-Apr 2010

2010-04-29T22:25:00.003+01:00

Day three in the Big Bro.... I mean Mungo household lol Today started early for Mungo as he had to travel an hour's drive away to pick up a wardrobe for Tidge, as our local store hasn't had any in stock for a while. Mary had a lie-in, one of the last probably ever! I hadn't slept very well last night because I was worrying about being on my own with the children. We had lunch then went over to the foster carer's house. Three bouncy children greeted us! Tidge and Squidge were a bit shy at first and didn't engage very much. I found that very hard, especially with the FC being stronger-voiced than me. I felt out of my depth still. After a short while, they felt more comfortable with us and I was taking charge more. Squidge is now coming to us for cuddles, so we are very relieved. It is still going to be hard for him to leave FC. Midge is calling us Mumma and Daddy pretty much without exception and is even saying "my Daddy"! Tidge is also calling us Muu and Daa lol

We decided to split our time so that Midge and Mungo played together for an hour or two and Mary, Tidge and Squidge played together with the FC watching on. Then we swapped roles for a while. Mungo took Tidge and Squidge out in the car to the local shops to get some batteries (or baaaarees as Midge calls them!) for his Ben 10 pinball game.

Midge showed us his special project that he has been working on with a social worker - it's his life story work. He has cut-outs of the FC's house and our house, him, Tidge, Squidge, FC, us and my parents. Then a roadmap from FC's house to our house, but he doesn't know the way as he hasn't been there yet.

Then we had the biggest roast chicken dinner you have ever set eyes on! It was delicious and filled us all up. The children eat really well and pretty much will eat what you give them. Midge did stop in his tracks when he saw cauliflower on his plate and ate some of it with encouragement from FC, Mumma and Daddy. We then played some more, Mungo played space ships with Midge and Mary played building blocks with Tidge and Squidge. At one point we heard one of them 'trumping' so we did a nappy change. Mummy bravely volunteered to change Squidge as we thought it was just wet and Tidge's was 'fuller'. Well didn't I just get the shock of my life??? So after the FC had picked herself up off the floor from laughing so much, she took pity on me and I watched and took notes lol

It was then time for bed and so we did the top / tail routine, changed them into PJ's and then to bed, kissing them goodnight - bleeeeeeeessssssss! We then had a quick chat with FC about tomorrow's activities - out on our own without the FC - oooooh! On our way home we picked up our ironing from a very good friend who has been wonderfully supportive and deserves a special mention! Now it's time for Mumma and Daddy to go to bed too, nite nite!

28-Apr 2010

2010-04-28T20:30:00.001+01:00

Mummy and Daddy arrived at 11.30 and the children were excited to see us, especially Midge who was bouncing off the walls again! We played with the cars and their toys that we gave to them as presents yesterday. The foster carer told us that she had to tell off Midge and Tidge last night because they took the toys to bed and kept themselves awake playing with them! Both of them are attached to them and won’t let them go – so we are very happy! Squidge has a little interest in his, but being 18 months old his attention span isn’t the same as the other two!

We had lunch and saw the children eating sandwiches and crisps very, very nicely. Midge had Marmite and ham sandwiches! Then we went to the park with the FC. On the way, Squidge face-planted the pavement, luckily for Mummy and Daddy it was whilst he was holding onto the FC's hand! Poor little lamb, his teeth went through his top lip and it bled for ages :(( Because we were only going to be out for a while none of us had brought bags / handbags and so none of us had any tissues. The FC wiped up the blood with her cardigan! Today’s Lesson Learned: ALWAYS have a tissue or seven handy!

We went to two parks and found wasps at the second one, which Midge didn’t like at all – neither did Mummy, and she was very brave batting them away from Midge. We played and played for ages, climbing up the big steps and sliding down the big slide! Climbing up the big steps and sliding down the big slide! Climbing up the... well, you get the picture! Daddy did a brilliant job making sure they walked up the steps safely and slid down carefully! We were out for probably about two hours and were pooped by the time we got back to the house.

We got to see Tidge and Midge sulking today, so it is good to know how they all deal with disappointment. Mummy asked for her camera back from Tidge, who didn't want to let it go and then sulked for 15 minutes. Midge sulked for a few minutes when he got told off by Mummy for both running off and running out of the playground without asking. Baaaaad Mummy!

Tidge was reluctant to be near Daddy yesterday but after a short while this morning she was going to him for cuddles and things, so that has worked out brilliantly. Midge just bounces all over us, which needs to be monitored, so we shall see how he settles in when he comes home. He seems happy to call us mummy and daddy and he responds well when the FC calls us that too. Squidge is attached to the hip of the FC and always goes to her, he strops when he can’t see her. We see this as our biggest issue to deal with over the next few days – and to be fair we knew it would happen, it’s just brought it home to us actually seeing it. It is going to be very confusing for him and he shall have to have a bit of tough love until we get him home.

We ran out of time and had to rush away at 3.30, which we felt terrible about. We had to meet with our social worker to give her an update and get Daddy’s car from the garage. So we felt like we had done a runner! Midge knew we were coming back tomorrow, so he was fine. Tidge didn’t want us to go and Squidge just waved at us lol

Overall we had a much more relaxed day and we are very happy! xx

27-Apr 2010

2010-04-27T19:58:00.001+01:00

How LONG I have waited to type this post?!!

The Inter-agency meeting took from 10 to 12.30. The very small room was packed full of people and was very hot! We talked through and agreed the Adoption Placement Plan and all the support we would need from social workers, who to contact when and so on. That took two hours! Then Mungo had to feed the parking meter and it was onto introduction planning for the last half an hour. We will have 10 days of intros, including today and then they move in on the 6th May :D wooo hooo!!

We were able to meet the social worker who removed the children and she told us a little about what it was like and how everyone reacted. It was lovely (well, not really, but you know what I mean) to hear her memories and help us to piece together a little more of their history. At 12.30 we said goodbye to everyone and went to the car for lunch. We had an hour to wait so we went to a local country park where one of the intro days is going to be, so that we could get an idea of what it’s like. We went for a walk in the sunshine – it was very hot – and nice to relax and chew over the meeting.

Then it was time, we couldn’t put it off any longer lol We met with the children’s social worker outside the house and rang the doorbell....

Wow what a whirlwind of children! Midge hugged each of us as we walked in the door and held my hand! Tidge was shy at first and didn’t want to engage. Squidge was asleep and then woke up a few minutes later. Then we played with their cars and Ben 10 Etch-a-sketch-type drawing board. Midge was VERY chatty, bouncy and in your face. Tidge slowly got used to us and after about ¾ of an hour she was sitting in my lap with the drawing board. Squidge was determined to get into the cupboards where the toys were and Daddy had to help intervene. We got to see what he was like having a tantrum, so that was really useful – but we didn’t run away!

We gave them the toys we had put in the pictures of our introductions books and Midge and Tidge wouldn't let go of them all the time we were there - yayy!

Midge and Daddy spent ages taking pictures with my camera. We talked to Midge about when we were going to come back and the foster carer said “One sleep!” So he got very excited again! He asked me about my necklace and I asked him what he thought it was made of, he didn’t know so I said they were called diamonds. He said “No, they are squares!” So in the end we compromised with 'square diamonds' lol

At first Midge called us Mummy and Daddy, then he said ‘they’ and then he said ‘my other Mummy and Daddy.’ Every time, the social worker and foster carer corrected him into saying ‘forever Mummy and Daddy’, so it will take him some time to get used to it. We will drop the ‘forever’ in time. He is having ongoing ‘Life Story Work’ with a social worker to work through this with him, so he will come around. Tidge didn’t really say much, she was very quiet but still bubbly when she got tickles. Mummy is official tickler! By the time we left (we had been there 1.5 hours) she didn’t want Mummy to go! We didn’t want to leave either!

It was surreal, like it was happening to someone else. I kept trying to be involved with their playing but I just wanted to watch them - it was simply amazing and goosebumpy. We are really looking forward to spending lunch with them tomorrow!

26-Apr 2010

2010-04-26T12:38:00.000+01:00

One more sleep!!! Have we finished doing everything? Pretty much everything that we can do has been done. Stair gates, cupboard catches, beds, wardrobes, clothes, fire guard, bathmats, pram, changing equipment, car seats, car, curtains, bed linen, socket covers, coat hooks, blankets, muslins, medical kits, step-up stools, storage boxes, toy boxes, etc, etc, etc! And this is just the stuff we CAN do. There is lots still to buy that we don't know about until we start introductions, such as high-chairs - we don't know whether Tidge is in a high chair or not.

Not sure how well I am going to be able to sleep tonight! Will try to keep you all updated with our progress as we go through introductions! Yippee!!!

22-Apr 2010

2010-04-22T14:09:00.000+01:00

Only five more sleeps! Eek!

DVD. In response to a thread on the AUK web site I posted a script of our DVD that we made for our little ones and thought it might be useful to share on here. This is the DVD that the social worker and poster carers use to help the children get used to us before our first meeting. We didn't film the bedrooms because we had to shoot this before matching panel. As we weren't allowed to buy anything before MP the rooms were empty, so we made it a guessing game for them.

Location Paper and photo with "Hello Midge, Tidge and Squidge, from your forever Mummy and Daddy."
Camera Film for 5 seconds

Location Mary and Mungo standing outside the front door of the house, wearing shoes and jackets. DO NOT FILM THE HOUSE NUMBER
Mungo Hello Midge, hello Tidge, hello Squidge. I am Mungo and this is Mary. We are your forever Daddy and Mummy.
Mary This is the house where we live. This is your new home where we will all live together.
Both Waving to the camera.
Camera Zoom in to our smiling faces.
Camera Stop.

Location Shoe rack in hall
Mungo Here is where your shoes will live, so when you take them off they go here. Let's Daddy take off his shoes. [Mungo takes off his shoes and puts them on the rack] See, Midge, there is plenty of space for your shoes.
Mary [Walking to cloakroom] Here is the place where we all hang our coats. Shall Mummy take off her coat? [Mary takes off her coat and hangs it up] Look Tidge, can you see where you can hang your coat?
Camera Stop.

Location Kitchen
Mungo [Making two bowls of Cheerios] Here we are in the kitchen where Daddy is making the breakfast. Mummy is having a bowl of Cheerios. Squidge, do you like Cheerios?
Mungo Now Daddy has finished making the breakfast, I wonder where shall we eat it? Midge, shall we sit at the table and eat it?
Camera Pans to table with Mary already seated.
Mungo [Off camera] Oh look, Mummy is sitting at the table ready to have her breakfast. [Walk to table with the bowls]
Mary Thank you Daddy, mmmm, very nice. [Takes a mouthful of cereal]
Camera Stop.

Location Camera walking through the lounge looking at the TV with 'Dora the Explorer' on it. Then moving to the fish tank, pause for a moment and then outside into the garden. Mary and Mungo are sitting on chairs outside, with Duplo (tower), skittles and football.
Both Wave and smile at the camera
Mungo Here we are, Mummy and Daddy in the garden. We will have lots of time playing games outside. Midge do you like football? [Picks up the football and kicks it around a bit]
Camera Pans to Mary at the skittles
Mary Tidge, would you like to play skittles with me? [Throws the ball]
Camera Pans to Mungo at the Duplo tower
Mungo Look Squidge, look at the tower Daddy has built [continue building] do you think Daddy can make a tower as tall as you? Wow, Mummy, isn't that a VERY tall tower? [Mary comes over to look]
Mary Oh yes Daddy, a VERY tall tower indeed, well done!
Camera Stops.

Location Landing looking towards the bathroom. Bath is full of suds and has their names in the sponge lettering around the top or on the tiles.
Mary Here is the bathroom. What do we do in this room? Yes we have baths in this room
Mungo Look the bath is ready with lots of bubbles. (Surprised voice) And look at the bath, whose are those names?
Mary [Reads the names] Let's have a look Daddy: Squidge, Tidge, Midge.
Mungo [Yawns with hand over mouth] Oh dear I am feeling sleepy. After we have a bath it's time for bed and to go to sleep. Mummy, is it time for everyone to go to bed now?
Mary Oh yes Daddy, it IS time for everyone to go to bed. I wonder where all our bedrooms are?
Camera Pans to bedroom doors partially opened.
Mungo Well Midge, Tidge and Squidge, there are lovely bedrooms here just for you. When you come here the first thing we are going to do is find out which of these rooms are your bedrooms. I wonder if you will have the one on the left or the one on the right?

Location Paper with photo "Midge, Tidge and Squidge, we are your forever Mummy and Daddy."
Camera Film for 5 seconds.

20-Apr 2010

2010-04-20T15:55:00.000+01:00

Shopping! Yes, we have spent more money that we don't have lol We now have stair gates, fire guard, bedding, clothes, toys, books, wardrobes, chests of drawers, beds, car seats and a new car aka THE BUS! This thing is huge! And it's got five more seats than my old car - at which I cried when it was driven away :( So Mungo is going to be in flat-pack heaven over the next few nights lol We also have the drawer and cupboard catches to fit and then I think we are pretty much done. It's getting very exciting. There is plenty more to buy when we are in introductions as we can't buy it all yet because we don't know what to buy, e.g. high chairs: we don't know if Tidge (middly) is in a high chair or a booster seat. We don't know what toys, clothes and personal belongings they will be bringing with them either - we are assuming nothing much. So one evening after we are part way through intros we will be off shopping again. The list really IS never ending!

Books! I don't think I have said much about books on this blog, which is silly really as I have been reading loads. There is one that I am currently reading and would recommend above all others is "The Science of Parenting" by Margot Sutherland, of whom some people on Adoption UK message boards think is a goddess lol It is a bit sciencey at the start, but not too much, bear with it and as soon as you get past that first bit the rest is so extremely readable that it even make sense to me lol There are lots of pictures and little case-studies to make it real and understandable. It gives practical advice, specific words to say and actions for everything you might come across: tale-telling, time-in, clinging, tantrums, sticker charts, sibling rivalry, family rules and so on. It's great to read from cover to cover and will be excellent as a reference book as the children get older.

17-Apr 2010

2010-04-17T10:17:00.002+01:00

We had an email, a phone call and a letter in the last two day advising us of the Decision Maker's decision - which was a YES! So, all social worker boxes are ticked and there is nothing stopping us going ahead with this match - yippeee! Which is good really because we have S H O P P E D!

So who is the decision maker? The DM is a senior person within the Local Authority or Voluntary Agency. As with approval panel, the panel makes a recommendation to the Decision Maker who then has seven working days in which to make the final decision. The recommendation / decision may be 'no', 'deferred' or 'yes'. The DM may make a different decision to the panel's recommendation, which is rare but can and does happen. I know two couples who had a different decision from the DM compared with the panel when they were being approved to be adopters. With both of them, the 'no' and 'deferred' decisions by panel were overturned into a yes!

Our friends G&F have been having intros with their little on for the last couple of weeks and he has now moved home for good. We are sooooo excited for them and pleased that everything is going well.

It has been a year since our friends R&A met their little one and that year has just flown by. She is so settled and just adorable, big hugs xxx

So now we have just 10 sleeps until the Inter-agency meeting on the 27th, where we will be planning for introductions that will start the same afternoon. Mary picks up her new car on Monday and is spending the week picking up clothes, books and outdoor toys that she has asked for from Freecycle and friends. We realised that we couldn't afford to buy everything that we needed so we are buying brand new safety and hygiene items, like mattresses, car seats, nappy bins and so on. Everything else we are asking for donations from people. We have been inundated with offers, everyone has been so generous, it is overwhelming!

13-Apr 2010

2010-04-13T14:37:00.000+01:00

I think it is finally starting to sink in that we are going to be parents. We do still keep having to pinch ourselves from time to time. So we have been shopping! I have been buying all sorts of things online and tomorrow will be buying from real life shops too! My changing bag arrived today - from Pink Lining. It is GORGEOUS! If you are looking for a treat and a practical and smart bag then look them up. We also got a nappy bin and cartridges (thanks R for the tip!), a heat sensitive bath mat, purple spotty muslins and a changing mat. The two best and cheapest sites we have found are kiddicare.com (not kiddiecare.com which is a US site) and preciouslittleone.com. As I was unpacking it all, like a kiddie on Christmas Day, a neighbour who I used to work with popped over with about 30 books and some toys and nursery rhyme cassettes! I have also been onto Facebook and begged my friends for cast-offs and have been inundated with offers. I am totally shocked and amazed at everyone's generosity!

We got a form in the post from the Local Authority who we are adopting through, asking us to give feedback on how panel went. I would really like one to fill in asking us to give feedback on how matching with these three children went! But we will be professional, and anyway we might need them again in the future!

My (Mary's) car gets picked up today by the new owners :'( I know I am going to blub, just like I did when Mungo told me it was sold. We went out in it for the last time last night, very sad occasion. It has served us well and we have had so much fun and happiness in it. It has taken us to some wonderful places and has never let us down. It has been a part of the family for six years and today is a sad day.

On a happier note, I get to pick up my new car on Sunday, yayyy!!! It's a seven-seater with sliding doors, so it will be great for the kids. As soon as we pick it up we will be off to the shops to pick up the wardrobes and beds that we have earmarked.

Paperwork! We have also handed in our application form for a place at our chosen school, sent off the application form for child benefit payments and spoken with the Child Trust Fund team. We have also spoken with our dentist, doctor and optician about how we register the children as new patients. We learned something new: children don't need to get their eyes tested until they are 5! Of course that is unless they have eye sight issues, which our children don't. So there you go, we didn't know that!

About three weeks ago I finished my NVQ3 in Children's Care, Learning and Development and I got a Distinction, getting top marks in all ten assignments. I am so thrilled and pleased that I finally got through it - with a lot of pushing from Mungo I might add. Without him I wouldn't have finished it. So here's a big THANK YOU to Mungo! Sooooooo now what do I do in my spare time? I have taken up crochet and crocheted a baby blanket. Actually its only a small one made out of 30 squares so really it's a doll's blanket! But I don't care because I actually MADE something! Now I have got to think what to do for my next project.

09-Apr 2010

2010-04-09T16:09:00.011+01:00

The juiceman from del monte he say..... ....YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a unanimous yes! They were very impressed with our commitment to the children and how much we have lived and breathed them in the last year. We have handed over the DVD and introductions books and the social workers loved them! They think they will be great and the children's social worker said she can't wait to start working with the oldest one to prepare him for meeting us. We are just overwhelmed with emotion and relief! Mungo says I can now go shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooooooooooo hooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

I would say you don't know how much we have wanted this but I doubt there is a single soul reading this who doesn't know our story and I think you all know how we feel right now! I say again what I said in my last post, thanks to everyone who has supported us in one way or another. Signing off a relieved and extremely happy mary and mungo who are now parents!!!

08-Apr 2010

2010-04-08T21:53:00.043+01:00

Today we got a phone call from our social worker to say the birth family had moved from our town back to the town where the children come from - so they aren't two miles away like we were told! we are over the moon and sooooooo relieved. that was the one thing we were very worried that the panel might defer or say no about. She also said that intros have been put back by a week so we wont be meeting them until 27th or after. Grrr... Not very happy about that but hey it gives us more time to SHOP!

We have also been told that we WILL get an adoption allowance, a settling-in grant and they are considering a lump sum payment too! This is more than what we expected so we are very happy indeed! It means that I will not have to go back to work as soon as we had expected. This will only serve to help the children attach and settle in much better and defer any money worries for longer making us happier bunnies - wooo hooo!

We have today finished the introductions books and the DVD (eek!) Mungo is finalising the DVD and could be up a while! I did the introductions book, it was the Tomy Talking Photo Album and is fantastic for children of all ages. i did one for each child, named the books so they know whose is whose and we took it in turns to record the messaged with each of the eight photos, so they can get used to our voices. We did pictures of:

- Mary and mungo by the front door
- The outside of the house
- Us in the kitchen / diner eating breakfast
- Us in the lounge watching the fish tank
- Us in the garden playing with toys
- Us in the bathroom with their names in sponge letter on the bath
- Their new granny and granddad playing in the park
- A close-up of us - so they can see mary's spots and mungo's warts lol

Each of the pictures is slightly different so their books are unique to each child and in total they all have 18 photos of us. We also bought a little individual toy for each of them and they are in most of the photos too. I even crocheted scarves for the toys and embroidered the children's initials on the scarves so they know whose toy is whose. The toys will be their presents to them when we meet them for the first time! The DVD followed a similar format to the pictures but without the grandparents.

I am still a bit fazed by everything that has happened and I don't feel that I can relax. I think it's all the problems we have faced to get to this day. And many, many times I never thought we would. It hasn't been without its struggles and downright despair too many times. but through everything all our cyber friends - that's you! - all have kept us going.

Here is a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has been there for us, who has supported us and has cried with us. To everyone who has commented on our blog, sent cyber hugs / choc / wine, to everyone who has wished us well and given us advice, who has been in the dark with us and who has yippeed when things went right - this goes to you: THANK YOU!!!

We seriously couldn't have got to today - or tomorrow - without you all. So it's time to switch off the lappy and try to get an early night's sleep, ha ha!

29-Mar 2010

2010-03-29T16:38:00.002+01:00

We had a meeting with out social worker this morning and she was of the opinion that all would be well, that panel MAY have questions about it and that it is her and the childrens' social worker's job to convince them that we have investigated all possible avenues and that we are okay with it. The thing is we are not, we are still unsure but we at least are thinking the same. These ARE OUR CHILDREN and we will do whatever we can to ensure that we adopt them and we have to convince everyone that we CAN manage the situation.

The paperwork was completed and signed off ready for panel in eleven days. We are going to spend the time finishing off lists of things to buy and working on the DVD and introductions books.

25-Mar 2010

2010-03-25T16:43:00.000Z

We had a phone call from our social worker later yesterday to say that the paperwork for matching panel needs to be back to the Local Authority by Monday afternoon so she has re-scheduled our meeting for Monday morning, not Tuesday morning. And the most important piece of paperwork that we have to give our best attention to will have to be completed in two hours. So the 10 days we are supposed to get have disappeared into the ether. Apparently they 'forgot' to send the paperwork to our social worker and were chasing her up on it. She said well it would be nice to be able to send it back to you but we haven't had it in the first place! Not very happy, this happened to us for approval panel too, grrrr....

24-Mar 2010

2010-03-24T16:38:00.001Z

Mungo phoned our social worker after hearing nothing and she was very matter of fact about it and said it was manageable. she hadn't heard from children's s/w who was going to speak with bf yesterday and then going to call her so its all gone a bit flat. So I sent an email to our s/w asking lots of questions and she rang me saying she's going to meet with us on Tuesday and get either the children's s/w or the family finding s/w to come out and talk to us about it.

Both our and their social workers don't seem that bothered - probably because they can smell the money! but who knows what panel might think and who knows if we think we can manage it on a daily basis? no-one seems bothered about that! So I'm still confused and not really sure what's happening now, Mungo is very dubious about the whole thing too. Urgh.

We have received and sent back the forms for means testing. The LA that we are applying through do not automatically give out an adoption allowance even for three siblings so they means-test you. You basically have to give every piece of financial information to them for them to decide whether you will get anything. It could range from a few pounds a week to hundreds and will continue until the children are 18, in full time education or until your circumstances change. We are not expecting to get anything but if you don't ask you don't get, so we shall see.

22-Mar 2010

2010-03-22T18:21:00.000Z

Today we saw the Medical Advisor from the Local Authority where the children are placed. It is their job to assess all the medical reports and provide their opinion as to what medical issues there are and may be in the future. They can advise what practical steps can be taken to assist children and yourselves in dealing with children's issues. In our case, there is very little additional support that we might need and there was certainly nothing brought up that we didn't already know about. In fact, most of the talk was about how we are going to be able to cope practically in the first few weeks and how our local Health Visitor and GP might be able to assist. It was certainly a fascinating and very informative discussion. The children's social worker and our social worker were there too and they were all so supportive and helpful. It was a lovely meeting.

As the meeting came to an end, the children's social worker advised us that it had just been notified to them in the last few days that a birth family member lives two miles away from us. At the moment we don't know how often they are in contact with the family and when they last saw the children. We don't know whether or how often the birth family member they are connected to comes over to visit. We don't know if the children might recognise these people or if they might recognise the children. We therefore don't know how this may have to be managed in the future.

We always knew that the would is a small place and that there is always the possibility that we might bump into birth family anywhere at any time, even if we were at the opposite ends if the country. But we felt that being as far away as we are, not hundreds of miles away, but still far enough, would drastically reduce the possibilities of an accidental meeting. Now we have the potential of our own town not being far enough away. We also have to weigh up the reality of bumping into them - how often do you bump into people you know in town? As it happens, we don't go there very often but it was one of the places I was going to take the children regularly, as something to do. There are also public parks and children's play centres that might be out of bounds because these people have a child of a similar age.

One thing that will come out of it is that we were happy to send the birth parents photos of the children as part of annual letter-box contact. So that will be a definite no, because they might show the photos to the birth family and ask them to look out for them. This is on top of the fact that they might post them onto Facebook or any other internet site and get people to look for them. The risk is too great.

This is a big, big issue and could potentially be a show-stopper - what you might call a 'curved ball'. So we have to really think this through and decide where to go with this, our social worker might suggest we break it off - in fact that's the first thing she said after they had gone, that we had the option to pull out now. Of course, the decision might be taken out of our hands as we don't know yet how Social Services will react in terms of whether the link should continue and whether panel will approve the match because of it.

At the moment I can't see a good way for this to end. Signing off, a very cross and sad Mary.

15-Mar 2010

2010-03-18T15:41:00.024Z

The meeting on Friday went very well indeed. We met the foster carer and Midge's nursery school teacher. They had loads to tell us and answered all our questions. The teacher brought Midge's file with her of all the work he has done since he has been there and we got to see lots of photos of him doing his work and seeing how he writes his name. We even got to keep a copy of the DVD - which we are not allowed to have but I think they have taken pity on us as the process has taken so long!

It was great to finally meet the foster carer and for her to share stories with us of what they are like. It really feels like it is all falling into place and the children are more real than they have ever been. I watched the DVD four times in a row when we got home!

When the meeting finished we had to be 'escorted' out the back of the building because birth Mum arrived at the front of the building for her meeting with them! Our social worker has given us approximate dates for introductions, which are likely to start as soon as 11 days after matching panel. You have to wait up to 10 days for the Decision marker to make their final decision before introductions can start. So we could have them permanently home with us by the first week in May! When we got home we felt so high and like it was all coming together at last!

11-Mar 2010

2010-03-11T10:42:00.000Z

Many, many congratulations to our friends G & F who were matched with a little boy yesterday. We are so thrilled and excited for you! You are going to make a wonderful family :) hurrah!

P.S. We are going to meet the foster carer and nursery school teacher tomorrow, for definite, yay!

08-Mar 2010

2010-03-08T11:06:00.001Z

Had a phone call from our social worker today to provide a date for meeting the Medical Adviser from the Local Authority that we are adopting the children through; it's a week on Monday. We will also be getting the judge's summing up paperwork today and the minutes of the meeting on 22nd February where we discussed the viability of the match.

I also asked that the 'Life Appreciation Day' meeting be requested. This is a meeting where the foster carer, health visitor, social worker and other professionals gather together to go through in chronological order the history of the children and what happened to them. A social worker will take minutes and this document will help to form information that can be shared with the children in later life. This information meeting usually happens for older children so we are not sure if we will get one, so we can but ask!

We have the meeting with the foster carer and nursery school teacher on Friday, times still yet to be agreed. It's on the same day as a LAC (Looked After Child) review so everyone will be at the Local Authority offices anyway.

Our friends G & F go to matching panel on Wednesday for a little boy, so we are keeping our fingers firmly crossed for them. They will make wonderful parents and their little boy sounds just lovely; can't wait to meet him!

05-Mar 2010

2010-03-05T12:40:00.000Z

Wow what a meeting! We went through every emotion imaginable! First of all, the children's social worker didn't arrive and when we eventually got hold of her she was still in her office having just come out of another meeting, asking whether or not to come over. We were holding our heads in disbelief that the meeting wasn't going to go ahead. I was getting very angry! We managed to persuade her that she should come so she had to drive the 45 minutes to get to us. She ended up being an hour and a half late!

In the mean time the family finding social worker had got a list the list of questions back from the foster carer that we had asked for, which was brilliant and we hadn't expected to get them back. She answered all our (97 - yes 97! Thanks everyone on AUK who contributed to the list!) questions and this gave us a wonderful 'picture' of what the children are like. You may remember that the information we have on the children is a year old, so we were expecting some changes. Most of the changes are positive, like Tidge's (the middlie) feeding issues have improved and so on. A couple of things have surprised us, such as thinking Midge (the oldie) is in school but he is in fact in nursery. Also, Squidge (the littlie) is certainly no baby any more, as he is running around!

As we were going through the list, the children's social worker arrived and Mungo made more tea! Then they ran through all the questions that were asked of us back in July when we first met the family finding social worker and the children's previous social worker. A couple of minor things had changed, one of which was the school choice we have since made. As we haven't yet met with the nursery or received a nursery report we can't make the final decision anyway. We also talked about whether we wanted to meet the birth parents and we agreed that we would. The last contact between the children and their parents is coming up soon and we are disappointed that it is going to be held in one of our favourite photo-taking places. But at least we know and we will ensure that we never go there by accident and risk bringing up lots of sad memories. Bit sad really.

Then came the time for our social worker to do her stuff! (Yes we had three social workers around the table all at the same time!) She asked lots of questions about the paperwork that was outstanding and meeting dates that still needed putting in the diary. The children's paperwork still needs to be updated; the CPR's for Midge and Tidge are done, just need Squidge's completing. Their annual medicals are due this month so we are hoping that they will be done before we meet the medical adviser, so we can discuss up-to-date information. We have a meeting pencilled in for 12th March (a week today) to meet with the foster carer and a representative from the nursery. And last, but by no means least, a date for panel. They confirmed that we will be going to matching panel on 9th April! Yay! Let's hope it is third time lucky!

We also talked about finances and what support they are likely to give us. Basically, it is likely to be £250 per child as a settling in allowance and expenses for introductions. Their adoption allowance (like Child Benefit) is means tested so it is unlikely that we will get anything. Our social worker said she might try to squeeze them on that, because I have given up work and intend to do so for a few years and the more money we get in the longer it will be before I have to go back to work and that's a massive benefit for the children. They might pay for a cleaner for a month or two and they might pay for Mary's Mum's petrol for the first few weeks as she will be coming over to help out. So we shall see what of that we will get.

We also talked about feedback from the judge's summing up after the Care order and Placement Order were granted and we have been allowed to have it shared with us. So we are just waiting for our social worker to send it to us, for us to read and ask any questions on. The judge has asked that we be asked if we would be prepared to meet up with and have contact with the children's half siblings and we have said it would need to be properly risk-assessed for the benefit of the children and we don't mind either direct (face-to-face) or indirect (letterbox) contact.

It was then time to do a tour of Mungo Mansions lol and show the new social worker around the place, explaining where the kiddies bedrooms will be and how bed and bath routines will work. She was very impressed - we have a big house! Whilst Mary was doing the tour, Mungo asked the family finder approximate dates for introductions and they suggested that after waiting up to 10 days for the Decision Maker's official response, introduction planning could start as early as the week beginning 19th April with intros starting that week. They are likely to take about ten day to two weeks and so the children could be moving in at the start of May! Still speculative, but very exciting!

Then came the special bit that will make you go all goose-bumpy! They had photos and video of the children for us to see! After the technology learning curve(!), we all sat around the TV and watched these three amazing children making paper aeroplanes with their foster carer! Because the photos we did have of them were photocopies of poor quality pictures that were a year old, they looked completely different. I wouldn't have recognised them if I bumped into them in the street! They were beautiful, happy, contented and very well looked after. They looked so much like us it was unbelievable and the two boys looked just like my younger nephew - it was spooky. In terms of looks, we couldn't have had a better match! I was in awe of these three little people and I did have a couple of 'cold feet' moments when I thought OMG we are going to be responsible for all three of these children! They were so bubbly and chatty, playing very nicely, it was a joy to watch. So we watched it again!

The social workers said the foster carer was very experienced and would be brilliant at preparing and moving them on. So we are very relieved, as we have heard horror stories about how some minority of foster carers don't want the children to move and and so don't prepare them properly or go out of their way to mess up introductions. It's shocking, as moving on the children is part of their job that they get paid to do. Like I said, it is a small minority and we weren't sure what she would be like, but now we know and we are very happy indeed!

Whilst we were watching the video, I showed our social worker the plans I had for the introduction books for the children. My feeling was that they didn't think much of them and gave me lots of other ideas, so it's back to the drawing board. The 'Tomy Talking Baby Photo Album' was mentioned and that has been mentioned numerous times on the Adoption UK message boards so I think some more investigation is needed.

They also asked us if at any time we had wanted to pull out and we said no but that the process was very long and we suffered emotionally quite a lot when there were long gaps between activity. That was the hardest thing to do and we said that we think they shouldn't have contacted us so early the second time around. Let's hope they bear it in mind if they are in the same situation again. Then we asked if we could have copies of the photos and video and they said no because we haven't been to matching panel yet. I was very sad but knew it was the right thing to do.

They finally left at 6.20 after the meeting was supposed to start at 3pm and then our social worker asked us some questions like how did we feel now we have seen the children and are we happy to proceed - um that's a big fat yes lol After wrapping up, our social worker left at about 6.45 and we got our shoes on and walked to our favourite restaurant where we celebrated with a lovely meal and glass or two something rather nice :)

03-Mar 2010

2010-03-03T08:54:00.001Z

Schools! One thing I didn't mention is that when our social worker came to see us on the 8th February she said we could start looking for a school for Midge. Midge is of school age and currently in school full time, so when he moves in he will need to go to school pretty soon after. We have been looking at schools in and around where we live and there are a few he could go to. For those of you reading who are new the the schools adimission policy, looked after children or children in care go to the top of the waiting list for school admissions and schools can and do take these children even when the school is full! So remember that!

It was brilliant visiting the schools and talking about 'our children'. It was wonderful and exciting to finally be doing something specifically relating to these children. It was amazing to feel and sound like a Mum and Dad - goosebumps! It also felt really fake talking about children that we have never met as if they have lived with us forever. Such bizarre feelings! In reality in our minds they have been with us for several months, we just need to get them here physically!

Introductions book and DVD. Yes, that 'gulp' time! Our social worker also discussed with us that we need to start making an introductions book and DVD. These will be the books that each child will have that introduces us to them. So, for example the oldest one will have sentences and pictures in their book, the middle one will have basic words and pictures and the baby will have mostly pictures. The pictures will be of us, our house, car, kitchen, bedrooms, local park and garden. The DVD will be about five minutes long and be of us in and around the house, with lots of talking and actions. This will get them used to our voices as well as our faces.

The third thing we will do is find out from the foster carer what is their favourite soft toy / character and buy a brand new one of those for each of them. Then we will live with the toys and put our 'smell' on them - take them to bed and cuddle them whilst watching TV for example. This will be most important for the little one as he is still quite young. Of course, whether these items are successful or not will entirely depend upon whether the foster carer does their job properly and uses them appropriately. The are supposed to use them between matching panel and introductions - about two weeks, I imagine. I have lots of stories of people who have walked into the foster carer's home for the first time to meet their children and one of them looks directly at 'Daddy' and his very first words to him are: "Daddy, you're in my book!" Or "Daddy, you're on TV!" Bless!

I have already started on the books and we need to do a script for the DVD, but for now we have put that on hold until we have a date for matching panel. If it's not until May then the garden will look greener and more inviting in a few weeks time so we can hold off taking pictures until nearer the time. Well that's it for now, roll on tomorrow when we hope we will have some more information to tell you all.

23-Feb 2010

2010-02-23T10:15:00.001Z

We had the meeting with our social worker and her peers yesterday. The first piece of news to tell you is that matching panel is definitely cancelled and has not been rescheduled. Because there are still all these meetings to be booked and held, it may not be rescheduled until April or May as the local authority only holds matching panel once a month :(

The meeting went very well. All the social workers had read the (old) paperwork and were up to speed with the facts as we know them so far. We discussed how good a match it was (looking at what the children need and what we can offer) and they all recommended that the match was very good. We looked at why those children and what we like about them. We looked at the support packages that we want the local authority to provide - obviously some negotiations to be had there! We looked at theraputic packages (e.g. theraplay / counselling for the children and us if needed), financial packages (e.g. settling-in allowance - a one off payment per child such as £200, adoption allowance - £10 per month per child), expences for introductions (e.g. hotel, petrol and subsidence costs) and so on. By the way the figures quoted are just ideas, we may get more or we might not get anything!

The local authority is obliged to provide what has been agreed in the support package for the first three years after placement (when the children come to live with us). Then any support needed after that comes back to our local authority. just because it has been agreed doesn't automatically mean we get it - we have to prove that it is needed and that's where our agency will be able to support us with that.

So we left the meeting happy that the match is a good one and disappointed that we had no further dates in the diary. A yawning abyss in front of us.

Then on the way home Mungo's phone rang, it was our social worker to say that during the meeting the children's social worker had emailed her a date for us to meet up! Wooo hooo! At last some more movement! We are to meet Midge, Tidge and Squidge's new social worker on 4th March - she has been their social worker for three months now and we havent met them yet! Apparently the delay was because she had to UPDATE the paperwork, not read it. The CPR (info on the children) is a year old, so we actually dont mind the delay because there's going to be some benefit for us. We have been waiting for the updated paperwork since November and it is a show-stopper, in that if we don't get to read it then we will refuse to go to matching panel. We don't know how the children have changed in a year.

We are still angry that matching panel has been put back but we are happy that the link is still on. We just hope the new social worker likes us when she meets us!

17-Feb 2010

2010-02-17T09:36:00.000Z

After the meeting with our social worker on 8th February we were expecting a flurry of phone calls and meeting dates to get the ball rolling. Well, we have heard nothing - we are not surprised but very disappointed. Mungo contacted our social worker yesterday to ask what was going on but she was out of the office so he called her back this morning. She has advised that she has heard nothing at all. There are no dates in the diary for any meetings. She also conceded that the panel date of 5th March was looking dodgy.

The children have a new social worker and apparently they need more time to read the paperwork. Now here's the thing: this social worker has been their social worker since December as far as we know. They took the case to court in February for the Care Order and Placement Order to be granted. So what on earth is it that they need to read that wasn't pertinent for the court case??!? <--- The amount of punctuation show the amount of anger and frustration we are feeling!

We found out some interesting news about half siblings: following the court case, the judge wants us to maintain contact with them and we are happy with that as it will only be letterbox. Put it this way, if it's face-to-face then we will say no, because these half siblings apparently still have contact with birth mum and we need to keep the whereabouts of Midge, Tidge and Squidge safe from the birth family.

We have a meeting on 22nd February with our social worker and two of her peers, to go through the paperwork we have and identify anything that might be missing or identify anything that might be a show-stopper to matching panel. Some movement at last.

This should be a fantastic part of the process, very exciting and nervy, but we are angry and frustrated; it is getting us both down and we are really struggling with it all. :(

08-Feb 2010

2010-02-08T18:56:00.004Z

Today saw the visit of our social worker for the first time in ages - basically because there wasn't anything to meet about! Well now there is :D !! We talked about the next step and the likely dates for introductions (early April). We have meetings to attend and an introductions book to make. This is the book that the children (who will get one each) will be given to introduce us to them. The foster carer will be given them after matching panel, for her to use to help them to get used to us. They will be the children's own books for them to use as much as they want. We had lots of questions to ask and we had a lot of them answered. There are some that the social worker and family finder will have to answer too. And we have a list as long as your arm of questions for the foster carer! Roll on 5th March!

05-Feb 2010

2010-02-05T16:27:00.003Z

THE CARE ORDER AND PLACEMENT ORDER HAVE BEEN GRANTED!!!!! Wooo hooo!!! You don't know how happy and relieved we are!!!

The final hurdle of matching panel is pencilled in for 5th March. We have a meeting on Monday to plan meetings with foster carer, eldest's school, new social worker and pediatrician. Hopefully, we will have all the meetings before matching panel.

Thanks everyone for all your support and best wishes. Have a GREAT weekend!!!!!

04-Feb 2010

2010-02-04T20:23:00.000Z

Still waiting for the phone call. Nothing to report. Very frustrated and at the end of my patience. Wondering how we will cope with having to deal with this over the weekend if we don't hear anything tomorrow :(

29-Jan 2010 part two!

2010-01-29T15:20:00.000Z

Our friends G&F found out today that they have been officialy linked to a little boy! They are going to be parents, how exciting!!! Congratulations to you both, we are soo pleased and very proud of you; you will be fantastic parents and will make a wonderful family!!! Yippety doo dah yippety ay, my oh my what a wonderful day! Plenty of sunshine coming your way. Wonderful feelings, wondeful day!!!

29-Jan 2010

2010-01-29T12:36:00.002Z

We have had a couple of phone calls from our social worker wanting the homework she asked us for in December. Remember that she said in January we wouldn't be asked for it until after the Placement Order has been granted?! But hey they have it all now. The court hearing is due to start on Monday and it will be one day next week, we hope, that we find out if the Placement Order has been granted. If it has, then we are planning to go to Matching Panel on the 5th March with introductions later in the month. If it is not granted then we will have to assess what happens next, depending on the reasons for it not being granted. Let's hope it's the former!

Friends of ours G&F have been visited by social workers about a child and are hoping to hear today if they are going to go forward with the match. Fingers crossed!

R&A have now been to the Celebration Adoption Court Hearing earlier this month, which I was priviledged to be a part of. It was a brilliant morning :) they are now getting on the with task of being a happy family and not having and social workers visits - hurrah!

A&I are still waiting and waiting - we know how that feels! They have snippets of news and flurries of activity but nothing concrete just yet. We are rooting for you!

Goose and Gander are hoping to hear this month about being accepted and starting prep groups, let's hope you hear sooner rather than later!

Lindyloodles and co are knee-deep in home study and all the trials and tribulations that brings. We feel for you, it's so intrusive isn't it?

Moonpiglet is having a home visit from social workers this month to decide if they will be accepted by the agency to go forward from prep groups and home study. Let me know how it went!

25-Jan 2010

2010-01-25T10:00:00.000Z

The title of this update should really be 'Bored!' Boring, nothing happening, no news (which I assume is good news), no activity, nothing. Just picture tumbleweed whistling through a deserted street and you get the idea. Boring, boring, boring and I'm really bored too :(

11-Jan 2010

2010-01-11T21:14:00.003Z

We had some news given to us on the 8th from an 'unofficial source' that the birth family has withdrawn their opposition to the adoption! We think this is over and above the news we heard in November, but we are not sure, so we are a bit confused.

Our social worker rang Mungo today. She said that the hearing on the 23rd December was very negative about the birth family. She also said that it will all go quiet now (!) and we won't hear anything until after the final hearing on or after the 1st February. Then there will then be a flurry of activity and a very short time to get everything ready for Matching Panel.

So this update is very vague and quite anti-climactic. We were expecting a gush of positivety but this has left us feeling rather deflated. Which in a way is a bit silly because everything we have heard is positive. But we are deflated, angry and fed up with this whole process. It's really getting us down and we don't know how much more we can take.

03-Jan 2010

2010-01-03T14:30:00.005Z

We spoke with our social worker on 30th November and it's official: we have now stopped family finding! Wooo hooo! We were due to go to a massive family finding event hosted by the Adoption Register on the 2nd December, so we have declined their invitation. A shame really, because Mary was planning to meet up with some friends who are going. To G&F and A&I we hope all goes well and you find your little ones (if you haven't already!)

We have picked up the paperwork that we gave back to our social worker when our link failed. In the paperwork was a rather poor photocopy of a photo of each of the three little ones. Now I have something physical to 'hold on to'. I have taken a sneaky peek at them from time to time and it feels so natural to see them. I really want to share the photos, but of course we just can't do that.

This remind me of Facebook. I would dearly love to share our photos of our kiddies when they come along. Share them with you and the whole world. Like when birth parents spash their kiddies all over their profiles. But we will never be able to do that. Not at birthdays, Christmas or holidays, for fear of the birth family finding us and trying to take back the children. Mungo feels this more than I do because he can't protect us all whilst he is at work and if he worst happens that they somehow find us it is most likely me that will be confronted.

That shows another reason to keep this blog anonymous and be ultra-super-careful when commenting on public message boards. It is a hard balancing act: one the one hand you want to share your news and tell people names, share photos, and so on, then on the other hand you have to protect the anonymity of your children and let them tell their story to whoever they want to - whilst you try to keep them safe!

Our social worker has given us some dates for our diary: 23rd December the paper assessment of the birth family’s final plan is to be heard in court. She advised that it would be unlikely to hear the outcome before Christmas. 4th Jan is when the Care Plan has to be updated and submitted. 1st Feb for the final hearing to agree the care plan. If all goes well, the social workers will apply for the Placement Order to be granted at that hearing. The hearing may take several days. 5th Mar for Matching Panel and introductions will take place some time to be agreed after that.

We have been given some homework too! To be completed and sent back to our social worker in mid-Jan is an update to our finances, a bank statement, an update on our childcare experience, an update on Mungo’s work and promotion, and an update on Mary’s relationship with her sister that has been difficult in recent years but is improving by the day, it seems! We will also have to meet with the foster carer and the medical adviser some time. Our social worker feels that they may have to be held before the court hearing as there will just not be enough time for everyone to do everything within a month.

We had some pretty distressing news to deal with aside from the adoption, during the first three weeks of December, which meant we put everything to one side to deal with it and support our family. As such, a phone call from our social worker on the 17th focussed us back on the situation. She advised that due to the agency shut-down over Christmas and the annual leave of the family finding social worker we would most definitely not hear anything about the interim court hearing on the 23rd December. What she was able to tell us was that “the social workers had had sight of the paper assessment and it was very negative about the birth family.” Whatever that means! Anyway, it is good news for us and meant there was less pressure over the holiday period. We should hear the outcome on or after the 4th January. That's tomorrow!

28-Nov

2009-11-28T12:12:00.005Z

"What's this?" I hear you cry! "A post from Mary?" "Yes, tis I!" I reply. :D

Here's a snapshot of what we have been up to since mid October:

When I last made an update this is where we were with family finding: Group one - meeting on 30th October. Group two - family finding underway mid November. Group three - family finding to start in January
Group one: we decided not to go ahead with the meeting as it was too soon after our previous knockback
Groups two and three: we have heard nothing
We were given the paperwork on a set of three children which we read and felt that we could progress them. We are awaiting a response from their social worker
We found a sibling group of two in the Be My Parent publication and asked for further information on those.

This is were we were up to until we had a meeting with our social worker on Wednesday. We had a request to meet with our social worker, which is unusual as we don't meet up unless there is something specific to address, so our curiosity was piqued. She advised that she needed to "discuss where we are with family finding and to give updates." Little did we know that she had a little surprise in store for us.

Readers of this blog may recall that we had a link with a group of three children earlier in the year that fell through because the birth family came up with some devious plan to syphon money from the state by way of claiming for 'items' to keep the children within the wider family network. The judge decided that this 'plan' required assessment and the social workers felt that it would probably go ahead. So with the heaviest of hearts we pulled out :(

At the latest court hearing for the assessment of the plan it was reported that the plan had fallen through as the wider family have decided not to progress the Special Guardianship. The birth parents now want their own assessment done again and this assessment will be carried out as a paper exercise and will be submitted for the next interim court case in late December. The feeling is that because a paper exercise is to be carried out it is not going to carry any weight. The judge said that the birth family have now had enough chances and that the children had been in care long enough. He (I am assuming it was a he) wanted to grant the Placement Order straight away! Because of legal formalities it won't happen like that, so the original date of the final hearing in February still stands. And, for now, nothing stands in the way of it being granted. Yes we have heard that one before!

So the children's social workers have started family finding again and true to their word they have come to us first and asked if we would still be interested in them. They have still got us earmarked as the only family they are interested in and they won't do any more family finding unless we say no. We said we are still interested, but as we have been here before we will continue to family find until the Placement Order has been granted. Our social worker supports that decision.

On the one hand this is fabulous news, the best ever and we were jumping up and down! And on the other we were treating it with extreme caution because we had our fingers badly burnt. There is a lot of time between now and February with the potential for it all to go wrong again. Because we said we would continue family finding, our social worker gave us some information on a group of two children. It has been sat on the side for two days and Mary can't look at it. Why? Because we feel we would be comparing them with with the original three.

So we have had a rethink; we spoken some more with our social worker and got some additional information from the family finding social worker. We have decided not to continue family finding at all and to give ourselves 100% to these children. We feel that it would not be fair on other children and social workers if we continue family finding, as we would just be comparing them with these three. When we originally told our social worker we wanted to continue family finding she felt that we would not be giving 100% to any other children and she would feel uncomfortable forwarding information to us. So she prefers our latest decision.

So after everything that has happened we are now in the same situation as we were on the afternoon of the 24th July, the day of the bombshell. We are 100% committed to Midge, Tidge and Squidge ;) We have the interim hearing late December and the final court hearing early February. There may not be very much to update you on as the weeks go by so I will try to update you on our friends' journeys (completely anonymously, of course) and general adoption information.

Signing off for now a happy bunny!

Break before we break

2009-10-18T12:00:00.001+01:00

After another knockback Mary has decided to take a break from blogging and the AUK message boards. It is all getting too much for now. We will still carry on family finding and we hope to continue the blog when we have firm and good news. For now having to recieve and then give bad news so often is draining both of us. We are going away for Mary's birthday in a few weeks time and then there's the dreaded Cristmas and New Year being on our own - again. Maybe the new year will bring fresh optimish and a fresh start.

For now, our heartfelt thanks to everyone who has read this blog, to those who have commented and to those who have been there on the end of the phone, computer or in person when we needed them. I will be publishing comments for those of you who wish to leave any but it is unikely that I will be adding any new posts for now.

So long, and the very best of luck in your adoption journeys.

18-Oct

2009-10-18T11:58:00.000+01:00

Family finding:

We had feedback from our social worker regarding the meeting on the 13th. They liked us very much indeed but felt that the other couple had more experience of a medical issue than we did, so they have gone with them. They have said that they have a group of children who are likely to be available for adoption in the new year and would like to consider us for them. Our social worker said she would bear it in mine. There is, after all a long period of time between now and then where anything can happen. Our social worker has given us details of another set of children and would like to visit us on the 30th October. This is one of the social workers that we sent our profile out to, so it obviously works! Mungo is reading the paperwork right now and Mary had already formed an opinion as to what she woudl like to do. I think our social worker feels that it may be too soon after this last knockback and she feels that maybe we are just going with each of these meetings because they have been requested rather than because we like the children. So we need to think carefully about what we are going to do next.

So to recap: Group one - meeting on 30th October. Group two - family finding underway mid November. Group three - family finding to start in January.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - passed with a Distiction - yayyy!

Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – fourth and final assignment score was a massive 94%!!! Well done Mungo! The exam date was 14th October - awaiting result. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course started 3rd October.

Blog Action Day

2009-10-15T12:57:00.001+01:00

http://www.blogactionday.org/

Because this is not related to the theme of this blog I won't be discussing the topic on this blog. However, I do feel it is an important issue, so have dedicated this post to it. Thanks to Roo for highlighting it.

Michael Buble - Haven't met you yet

2009-10-15T12:07:00.000+01:00

Sent to me by a very caring and considerate person: joansetter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyOLT7MCNZs

I’m not surprised
Not everything lasts
I’ve broken my heart so many times,
I stop keeping track.
Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
And then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I’ll get so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet
Mmmm....

I might have to wait
I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timing
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility
Mmmm......

And somehow I know that it will all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid I’ll get so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
And in love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right
And we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility
Mmmm.....

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I’ll work to work it out
Promise you kid I’ll get more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to get so much more than I get
Yeah I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love, love, love, love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love, love, love.....
I just haven't met you yet

13-Oct to 19-Oct

2009-10-14T12:12:00.006+01:00

Family finding:
Sorry for no update last week. Mary chased up the online group again, after having seen them in one of the paper publications. Apparently they are to start family finding in November so we wait again. On Friday (9th) we went to a family-finding event where local authorities advertise children that they are unable to place. We saw four groups that we were interested in and narrowed it down to one group; we gave our social worker their details. We have agreed to wait until after the outcome of the social worker meeting on Tuesday (13th) before we decide whether to progress them.

Camping update: we camped in our back garden and it was brilliant. We pretended we were in a camp site and we set everything up and cooked meals and washed up, etc. It was great fun! We found that we didn't need the dustpan and brush that Mary had packed but we did need the wardrobe / shelf unit that Mungo said we didn't need and we needed another table that neither of us thought we would need. So we were both pleased all in all, if a little achey the next morning! We also realised that double glazing is worth every penny - we thought our little estate was quiet but the traffic and general noises were really loud! The weather was lovely, it rained a bit in the morning for about 20 minutes or so, and then it cleared up into a beautiful day.

13-Oct: After Mary spent days turning the house practically upside-down re-arranging the upstairs rooms and freecycling all our junk we were ready to face the next set of social workers. They are interviewing us about a sibling group of two: a girl and boy. Ding ding! Round Three! They arrived and asked who the main carer was going to be; when Mary said it was her they asked her all the questions and didn't ask Mungo a single one all the way through! Our social worker commented that it was unusual and we noticed it too. We shared answering the question and asking our own questions together, but still they directed all the questions at Mary! Really weird! It did make Mary feel uncomfortable and very nervous at first. We answered all their questions and felt very happy with our answers. We showed them around the house and expained how the rooms would work out if birth mum had another child and we agreed to take it on. They seemed to like us, however, it's a competitive link, which means another couple have also been interviewed. This means that even though the like us, they may not like us as much as the others. Or should I say that we may not have more to offer the chilren than the others AND what we / they have to offer may not be the best that the social workers think they can find for the children. They may turn both of us down and carry on looking! When they left we felt that we had done the very best we could and our social worker was very pleased with us too. They have a meeting on Thursday and we are expecting to hear in the afternoon. Only one more sleep and several more agonising hours waiting then!

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - passed with a Distinction - yayyy!
Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – fourth and final assignment score was a massive 94%!!! Well done Mungo! The exam date is 14th October - Mungo is sitting the exam as Mary types! MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course started 3rd October.

29-Sep to 05-Oct

2009-10-02T12:06:00.007+01:00

Family finding:
Sorry for no contact lately; we have been busy and Mary is feeling a bit deflated with it all, having a hard time and feeling like the stuffing has been knocked out of her. We are going to ring our social worker on Wednesday or Thursday if we have heard nothing from her. Mary has been chasing up some of those seven original proactive leads. Two are dead leads as the children have been linked. One has had no contact at all and we have decided not to continue. One has had the original email opened but nothing further, we probably won't go with that one either. The other three our social worker has received / swapped paperwork on. An eighth group we saw on the online version of the publication had contacted us in early September to say they will start family-finding in a couple of weeks.

So in the mean time we have started two projects: 1) A greenhouse / lean-to which we will buy and put up over the winter, when we have tidied up the garden and 2) Camping! Yes we have bought a load of stuff to go with the tent and the weekend after next we are going to do a dry run in the back garden!

01-Oct: We received a phone call this morning from our social worker about the sibling group of two that she had phoned us about last week. Their social workers want to meet us on the 13th October; they are also visiting another couple. Yes we have been here three times before and every time we get the phone call a little bit less of me / us gets excited.

02-Oct: Mary has chased up the online group as it has been more than two weeks since hearing anything.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - sat exam on 16th September, awaiting result.
Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

September

2009-09-30T12:08:00.001+01:00

We have amended and updated our A4 profile and sent it out to seven social workers; we got a reply almost straight away from one of them and they are interested in us! Early days still but at least some movement in the right direction! We feel much more in control now.

Our social worker is on holiday so we are dealing with a two-week enforced break.

We have had various contacts and swapped paperwork on three groups of children, with another one in the pipeline. Again, more movement, albeit sloooooooow!

22-Sep to 28-Sep

2009-09-28T11:32:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
Today (22nd) we received a phone call from our social worker about a sibling group of two that we had identified in one of the publications when Mary was being all proactive! They are interested in swapping paperwork , so our social worker did that on the day. She also asked us if we would be interested in a 9, 6 and 5 year old sibling group, so we said no as they are too old.

Home and cars:
No updates.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - sat exam on 16th September, awaiting result. Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

15-Sep to 21-Sep

2009-09-21T16:01:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
We are awaiting our social worker to return from holiday to advise us if there has been any movement on four possibilities we are looking at. Mary was almost in the papers and on TV in the last couple of days following requests for people who are adopting. The newspaper reporter didn't ring back and the TV people decided to go with someone who had already adopted. Oh well, maybe another day; it was very exciting at the time though!

Tuesday PM: Last night I had a bit of a wobbler. Three things happened that made me get upset and made me feel like the universe was rubbing my face in it for being childless. 1). After the excitement I had with nearly being famous yesterday, I spent the afternoon thinking that it was flaming typical that a family with children was being chosen over someone without childen. It's hard enough being at the bottom of the 'child pile', but to be turned down for being childless wasn't really very helpful of the TV people, they didn't think that one through. 2). I gave away a book I had been given by my nephews when they were really little. It's called, "Pregnancy, Conception and Childbirth." My sister bought it for me when we were trying to conceive. I had tried to give it away on Freecycle a year ir two before but no-one would take it. This time someone did, and when they came to pick it up they asked me if it had been useful. I found myself lying and saying how great it had been. I couldn't tell her the truth. 3). A few minutes later I found myself dealing with this: I bought something from eBay on 30th August and it hasn't arrived yet, so after repeated attempts to email and phone the seller, I started a case on their resolution centre. Never having done that before, I was nervous that I hadn't given them ample opportunity to respond so I gave them one last call. Lo and behold, they answered. They were not very forthcoming and kept making excuses about it never happening before, etc. Then they said they would ring the Post Office and call me back first thing (which they never did!). As her last remark, she said it had been very hectic because she was due to have a baby in a couple of weeks - red rag to a bull. It was all I could do to stop myself shouting something nasty down the phone at her. I won't type what I was thinking, but I guess anyone in a similar position to me knows darn well what it was! I did't realise being pregnant was on the list of reasons that ebay provides for non-delivery of items. Hmmm... So poor old Mungo got the brunt of it when he got home. I started off by saying I was feeling a bit uneasy, a bit jumpy and when I started to talk I just grabbed him and started crying into his chest. It doesn't help with it being a particular time in the month, so to speak (which always gets me upset) and I have got an exam tomorrow, so it's all got a bit too much for me.

Home and cars:
No updates.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - finished studying and half way through revision - exam date is 16th September - tomorrow!! Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

08-Sep to 14-Sep

2009-09-14T13:40:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
We have amended and updated our A4 profile and sent it out to seven social workers. We had one reply stating that the children have already been linked but he will keep our paperwork. Rang the second social worker, who advised that they are no longer taking enquiries for these children at this point. Two further emails were opened and we got a reply almost straight away from one of them and they are interested in us! Two social workers are on holiday and one email hasn't yet been opened. Early days still but at least some movement in the right direction! We feel much more in control now.

Wednesday: We had a phone call from our social worker, who advises that she has heard from one of the social workers that we hadn't (the one who had opened the email but not responded back to us) and they have swapped paperwork. She has also had some information from the social worker who contacted us, but it's not on the standard template, so she has asked that it be re-sent. She has asked us not to do any more family finding (like that is going to happen!) as she has those two links she is working on; also, she is going on annual leave for two weeks. So the process grinds to a halt again, it's one hold-up after another, we are always waiting for someone else to do something.

Thursday: We spotted a sibling group of three that were just published in the online version of the publication that we have just subscribed to, so I have sent them our profile.

Home and cars:
The cleaner has finished all the spring cleaning in two 3-hour sessions!

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 16th September, half way through the coursework. Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

01-Sep to 07-Sep

2009-09-07T18:07:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
Our annual review was last week. We are waiting for a copy of the profile they send out, to add a couple of up to date photos and jazz it up a bit. Also we will have a copy too so that we are all sending out the same info (we currently don’t send one out). We are booked on an exchange day in October and are on the distribution list for one in December. Our social worker has 3 leads she is working on at the moment and will contact us in a couple of weeks to discuss any potentials. We have identified some potentials in the last magazine and have sent the information through to her.

Tuesday PM: We have received the profile that the social workers sent out and it is wrong! It is an old version we have updated and sent back to them, it has our ages, house size and some other details wrong! Also the photo we sent has been faded out so much it looks awful. We are so glad we are able to refresh it! We have amended and updated it and sent it back. Let's hope it works! Our social worker advised that the three leads she is working on have gone quiet so she is happy for us to contact the social workers direct from those potentials we had identified. So we have sent the new profile out to two social workers (Z from 'W' - group of 3 and L from 'N' - group of 3).

Wednesday: One of the social workers - Z from 'W' (group of 3) - has replied already this morning! The children have already been linked but he will keep our paperwork. This is great because it is unheard of to have contact from a social worker if they are not interested in you for those specific children. Encouraging, but still early days.

Friday: Rang L from 'N' (group of 3), she is on leave until next Wednesday so spoke with the duty social worker. She advised that they are no longer taking enquiries for these children at this point. This means they have some possibles in mind. Back to square one as both we and our social worker have no active potential links. Mary is looking at the online version of the magazine that we get, so see if we can identify children sooner. Not all of the entries in the magazine are online, so we will continue to receive those. We have also just signed up for the other publication from BAAF, too and for their online version too.

Saturday: Received the latest AUK publication and identified some potentials. Sent out emails to five sets of social workers. Yes five! Each of these sibling groups tick all of our boxes so to speak. It's not until you read their profiles and then the full paperwork - their CPRs - that you know if they are the right ones for you. Out of these five we might expect to hear from one or maybe two social workers, if we are lucky. Out of those two, only one group might be children we would consider going onto the next stage with. Of that one, there is a one in four chance that their social workers might be interested in us - based on our previous experience. And that one might fall through for many, many reasons. Even if we do end up being matched there is a one in five chance that the match will be disrupted within the first 6 months of them living with us. Talk about the odds being stacked against us! Waiting patiently until Monday so see if any of our emails will be opened.

Monday: Two of our emails were opened! And we got a reply almost straight away from one of them! And they are interested in us! Quote: "I was very impressed by your profile and experiences with children and would love to share more information with you about the children." Sooo, out of three emails read so far, we have had two responses and one of those is an interest! Again, still early days and at least some movement in the right direction!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span and is due to do a spring clean on Thursday. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and hopes to be finished by the end of the year. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and is still half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 16th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) – Course finished, PASS! M255 (Java Programming) – the fourth and final assignment (due 17th September) has been submitted; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – registration complete, course starts 3rd October.

August

2009-08-31T23:30:00.000+01:00

After a failed link at the end of July we have been taking some time off and are re-starting family finding.
We have been looking at ways to 'sell' ourselves better to social workers.
We had our annual review on 27th August, where we assessed the last year's family finding and to decide on the way forward. There is already so much being done and very little to improve upon; it was agreed that we just haven't yet found our Midges. We are to update the agency's profile form of us and they are to ensure we are invited to attend more family finding events. Another review is to be held in six months time if there is are no strong links in place.

25-Aug to 31-Aug

2009-08-31T23:26:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
Our annual review was today (Thursday). It's been a month since our failed match and a year since we were approved. We have been going down the family / adoption route in one way or another for six years now and we cant believe we are still so far away from having a family. Our social worker and the agency manager are certain that we will be matched, we just need to find the right littlies. We and they seem to be all doing the right things so there isnt much else we can do. We looked through previous history and what they are doing. We are going to review the profile they send out and add a couple of up to date photos and jazz it up a bit. Also we will have a copy too so that we are all sending out the same info (we currently don’t send one out). They said they are happy for us to contact social workers to instigate the first contact and then pass the info to our social worker. They mentioned exchange days and we have been to one in 18 months, so they are going to check the next ones coming up to ensure we are invited. It looks like we could have been missed off their distribution list for info on them. We advised them of our hits on the Adoption Register, so we just need to turn those hits into s/w visits! We already subscribe to Children Who Wait (the Adoption UK's periodical of children waiting to be adopted) and actively identify potentials to our social worker, so it doesnt seem that there is much else that can be done. We have another review meeting in 6 months and then its action stations if we don’t have any solid leads then. Our social worker has 3 leads she is working on at the moment and will contact us in a couple of weeks to discuss any potentials. So, the story of our lives: back to waiting around for someone else to do something - aaarrrggghhh!!!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and hopes to be finished by the end of the year. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and is half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 15th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) – Course finished, PASS! M255 (Java Programming) – the fourth and final assignment (due 17th September) has been submitted; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – registration complete, course starts 3rd October.

18-Aug to 24-Aug

2009-08-24T08:33:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
Our annual review is on the 27th August. Our social worker is comprising a list of all contacts she has had about us, so that we can see the activity in this past year. We will use the information to assess if we are looking at the 'right' children.

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and not work for the time being. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. It's just perfect for us as he will be able to work more flexibility when we have the Midges. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and has started number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 15th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) - the End of Course Assessment (ECA) score was 70% meaning the overall result for that course was 77%! Well done Mungo. M255 (Java Programming) - third assignment score was 87%; the fourth and final assignment will be submitted by 17th September.

11-Aug to 17-Aug

2009-08-17T10:50:00.000+01:00

Family finding:
We have been taking a break from family finding following a failed link. It has been a year since we were approved, so this is a good time to assess where we are and decide how to progress our family finding. Our annual review has been booked for the 27th August. Mary has been doing some research on how we can improve our chances of finding the right children, or being found by social workers. We already subscribe to one of the two 4-weekly journals with children's information and are thinking about the value in subscribing to the other one, when most of the children are in both. We are thinking of producing an A4 colour flyer which can be used to advertise ourselves to social workers - just need a couple of decent photos! The Adoption Register is a database of children waiting to be adopted and prospective adopters looking for children. Social workers who are family finding, use it to identify potential matches for the children in their care. Mary contacted the Adoption Register to ask if there had been any 'hits' on our information in the year that we have been added and was advised that there were "too many to count". There have been several hits in August alone! This is great news, so we need to see from our social worker what has been happening with those hits to see how many, if any, have become enquiries.

12-Aug: We have spoken with our social worker to finalise details about the review meeting and she is comprising a list of all contacts she has had about us, which we can review so that we can see the activity in this past year. We took the opportunity to ask that she start family finding again. She advises that all previous potential links had been stopped, so we are starting afresh. In the last couple of weeks she has had five email enquiries about us, so she will progress those. They may all come to nothing, as it will entirely depend on the children's suitability, i.e. a sibling group of 2-3 aged 6 and under, with at least one being a girl. We have also been invited to attend an Adoption Exchange Day in October. This is where approved adopters and social workers get together to discuss children who are waiting to be adopted. It is a great opportunity to get ourselves known and hopefully get that all important match. This is where a flyer might come in handy! The ongoing activity that our social worker has had on us from other social workers is really good news, because it means there is continued interest in us. It helps us to reason that we are still childless after two and a half years down the adoption path because we haven't found OUR children yet, rather than because we are not getting ourselves known.

So much for taking a break lol!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span. We are planning for her to do a spring clean of windows, doors, skirting boards, etc. in a couple of weeks. Mary is sorting out cupboards and generally getting the house in order. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and not work for the time being. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. It's just perfect for us as he will be able to work more flexibility when we have the Midges. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and has started number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 15th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) - waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - third assignment score was 87%; the fourth and final assignment will be submitted by 17th September.

04-Aug to 10-Aug

2009-08-10T21:15:00.002+01:00

Family-finding:
We were recently been linked with three children and that link stopped when the birth family decided not to support the plan for adoption. We are taking a break from family finding for three weeks and then will start again. We are planning to go back to our social worker on the 17th August after a weekend away. Our annual review is due on the 8th, it has been a whole year since we were approved, so this is a good time to take a step back and assess where we have got to and decide how to progress our family finding. In the meantime, we have been busy: Mary had got back to her studying at last and Mungo has been applying for a new job in his company. Mary has also bought a new bed!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span; she is getting the job done quicker now so we have given her a few more jobs to do. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates to be attached when we get a match. We will then sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Mary will continue to concentrate on her studies and not work for the time being. Mungo is working full time in a IT role at an international company situated a few minutes from home. He has just been accepted for a new role - Mungo is now the IT Manager for the UK arm of the company - Mary is very proud of him! It's just perfect for us, especially when we have the Midges, as there will be more flexibility and he will be working for himself. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in.

Studying:
Mary's course will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of the year. Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - awaiting exam date in September. Mungo's courses will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges! T175 (Networked Living) - waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - second assignment score was 91% and third assignment was submitted on 23rd July.

28-Jul to 03-Aug

2009-08-03T09:03:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
We have been officially linked with a sibling group of three, aged. We were due to have a meeting with the Medical Advisor and foster carer on Monday 27th July. Late on Friday 24th July we were contacted by one of our agency's social workers to say that the outcome of a court hearing that day had not gone as expected and could she come straight over to discuss it. The hearing was designed to allow the the birth parents to confirm their intentions to support adoption of the three little ones that we are planning to adopt. They have changed their minds (again, apparently) and are no longer supporting the plan for adoption. They have come up with their own plan to keep the children within the family, which has potential to work. The judge closed the hearing saying assessments need to be done on the family members before any decisions can be made. The next court date is in February.

We had a meeting with our and the childrens' social worker on Monday to discuss our options and we have decided that the wait until February with such an unclear outcome is going to be too emotionally draining for us. We can't invest in 6 or more months when the likelihood is that we will come out with nothing. So today (29th) we have withdrawn our interest. Absolutely gutted :(

Who I feel most sorry for are the children; they have already been in care for 8 or more months. If the birth family plan is supported by the judge they will be going back into the same abusive environment from which they were removed into care. Speechless.

We are going to give it a couple of weeks and then go back to the agency for our annual review and to start again.

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span, lovely. Mary has cleared out the kitchen cupboards and got rid of 67 glasses! Cupboard safety catches to be attached to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will then sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Following the news about the failed link, we have decided that Mary will continue to concentrate on her studies and not work for the time being. The course will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of the year. Mungo is working full time in a IT role at a local company. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September. Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - Second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.

July

2009-07-31T09:00:00.003+01:00

We have been potentially linked with a sibling group of three! Woo hoo!
We had a linking meeting on 7th July and our social worker said they would be 'bonkers' not to go with us :D
We received the call on 9th July and it was a YES! All systems are go go go!! We are now officially linked! We will be meeting the Local Authority's medical adviser on 27th July.
As requested by the children's social workers, we have stopped family-finding, as have they :D
A court case was heard where the birth family now have a plan that does not include adoption and the courts have asked for assessments to be carried out. As the plan is stronger than the one they previously had, there is no certainty of the outcome. The next court hearing is February. We have decided that, due to time scales and the now uncertain outcome, to pull out. Our and the childrens' social workers fully support our decision. Back to square one.

Stop

2009-07-29T09:45:00.000+01:00

Stop offering me a blanket, when I feel icy cold
Stop making me feel young at heart, when I feel frail and old
Stop hugging me with tender arms, when I am oh so sad
Stop soothing me with gentle words, when I am raging mad

Stop putting pieces together, when I have to fall apart
Stop making friends with me, when we are miles apart
Stop giving me the strength I need, when I feel so very weak
Stop showing me the glowing map, when the road ahead is bleak

Stop guiding and protecting me, when I lose my way
Stop reminding me why I am here, when I want to call it a day
Stop pulling away the darkness, when I can’t find a light
Stop being there for each of us, in the middle of the night

Stop understanding everything, that no-one else could know
Stop quieting and calming, when I feel like I could blow
Stop building all those bridges, when I’ve never seen your face
Stop forgiving all my ranting, when I forget my poise and grace

Stop showing your compassion, when I grieve for what is lost
Stop checking to see if I’m okay, when I feel I’m not worth the cost
Stop giving me your counsel, when I don’t know where to turn
Stop reaching out that lifeline, when I want to fall and burn

Stop telling me of your great times, which make me cry with joy
Stop regaling me with stories, of your forever girl or boy
Stop cheering and applauding me, when I am really glad
Stop sending me best wishes, when DH is now a Dad

Stop celebrating and rejoicing, when baby’s at my chest
Stop calling me Mum or Mummy, when my children say it best
Stop selfless deeds; stop being kind, just stop for once and all
Just don’t stop your humanity; don’t let it stop at all

This is for all my friends on the Adoption UK message boards xxx

21-Jul to 27-July

2009-07-27T11:14:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
We have been officially linked with a sibling group of three - Midge, Tidge and Squidge! We have a meeting with the children's agency Medical Advisor on Monday (27th). During August there is a meeting with foster carers, pre-Matching Panel meeting, a court hearing and Matching Panel before it is decided whether we will be their parents! Introduction Planning Meetings are scheduled for week commencing 21st September with two-week introductions later that week, so they could be moving in with us in early October!

Mary has been doing a lot of surfing on the message boards of Adoption UK and getting lots of help, support and advice from others in the same situation as us. It is such a great source of information and had saved us lots of time when producing lists! Talking of lists, it has been a week of list-making! Lists of questions to ask the Medical Advisor and foster carer. Lists of things to buy! Lists of dates: 'how many sleeps until...'! Someone said that should be: 'how many shopping days until...'!

We had friends round last Saturday (18th) who are also adopting and it was lovely to share everyone's news. We also heard from some friends of ours who went to matching panel on Monday and got a YES! They meet their new daughter on Wednesday (22nd). Fabulous news everyone. It's great to keep in touch and share events, helping us to remember that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

Today (24th) we had a phone call from the agency saying the foster carer meeting has been re-jigged to Monday. Good job Mary has already produced a 'List of things to ask FC'!

Home and cars:
There are cupboard safety catches to be attached to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will be selling Mary's car and purchasing a nearly new car when we are matched. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately. We need to start thinking about what we need for when the children arrive. It is too early to start buying anything yet, so Mary has produced a generic list. When we meet with with the foster carer we can identify what we will actually need. They will probably just come with some clothes and toys - no furniture or anything else. We have two weeks between Matching Panel and introductions so that should be plenty of time to get everything we need.

Work:
Mary has finished work and is concentrating on her studies. The course will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the time of introductions! Mungo is working full time in a IT role at a local company. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September. Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - Second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.

14-Jul to 20-Jul

2009-07-20T21:53:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
We have been officially linked with a sibling group of three. Over the past few days we have been coming to terms with the possibility of having a family after nearly six years of trying. We are still mindful that there are two decisions that might not go our way, but for now we are a happy Mary and Mungo :) We are awaiting dates for meeting with their foster carer and their agency's Medical Adviser. In August there is a court hearing to decide whether the children are to be formally adopted as a sibling group or split up and raised separately within the wider birth family network. If the outcome is adoption then there is a matching panel date for 4th September to decide if we are to be their parents. Introduction Planning Meetings are scheduled for week commencing 21st September with introductions later that week. Introductions are likely to take about two weeks so they could be moving in with us in early October! Of course, all these dates are fluid, but it gives us something to aim for and something to advise Mungo's work of. As requested by the children's social workers, we have stopped family-finding elsewhere. This means we have dropped our potential links with all other sibling groups and are concentrating on these three little midges! The children's social workers have also stopped family finding.

16-Jul. Mary had a phone call from our social worker today asking us to attend a pre-matching panel meeting on 6th August with her and two other social workers from our agency. [To clarify: we are adopting children from a local authority some 30 or so miles from where we live whereas our social worker works at a private agency.] We will go through all the paperwork to identify any issues to be resolved or worked on. The meeting will also identify areas where we might need support from either the agency or local authority. This reduces the possibilty of any surprises or show-stoppers at matching panel. We are guessing it will make matching panel go more smoothly and give us a much better chance of approval. Sounds good to us!

17-Jul. We had another flurry of phone calls and emails from our social worker to book dates for meetings. Medical Adviser 27th July. Foster carer 4th or 7th August. Pre-matching Panel 6th August. We have also been asked not to start buying anything yet, which we were pleased to say we had already thought about and decided against anyway. Our social worker is happy that we are planning to wait until after the court case to start thinking about it and then after matching panel to start buying.

Home and cars:
We now have a cleaner, who is settling in nicely. There are cupboard safety catches to be attached to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will be selling Mary's car and purchasing a nearly new car when we are matched. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately. We need to start thinking about what we need for when the children arrive. It is too early to start buying anything so we can produce a generic list and then identify with the foster carer what we would need. They will probably just come with some clothes and toys - no furniture or anything else. We will start buying after matching panel; currently this gives us two weeks, which should be plenty.

Work:
Mary finishes working part time / casually at her local primary school on Thursday. She is no longer looking for a permanent role in September. The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of August. Mungo is working full time in a IT role at a local company. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September. Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - Second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.

07-Jul to 13-Jul

2009-07-13T16:00:00.002+01:00

Family-finding:
- Sibling group of three: we have all their paperwork and there are some great common features between them and us, like family names and so on.

- Tuesday 07-Jul. We had a very successful meeting and our social worker said they would be 'bonkers' not to go with us :D It went really well and we saw some up-to-date pictures of them and got some up-to-date information on their progress since the last set of reports were completed. We are awaiting a phone call on Friday to advise us of their decision. We are now starting to think about what it would be like with them being our children. We are also mindful that there are lots of decisions to be made yet!

- Thursday 09-Jul. We had the call a day earlyand it was a YES! All systems are go go go!! The social worlers are planning for us to meet the foster carers and medical adviser in July. On 10th August there is a two week court hearing to decide whether the children are to be formally adopted as a sibling group or split up and raised separately within the wider birth family group. If the outcome is adoption then there is a matching panel date for 4th September to decide if we are the right parents. Then we have Introduction Planning Meetings scheduled week commencing 21st September with introductions later that week. Introductions are likely to take about two weeks so they could be moving in with us early October! Of course, all this information is fluid and any decisions against us will halt the process immediately, but it certainly gives us something to aim for.

- As requested by the children's social workers, we have stopped family-finding elsewhere. This means we have dropped our potential links with all other sibling groups and are concentrating on these. The children's social workers have also stopped family finding :D

Friday 10-Jul. Today Mary has been busy! We have provided our social worker with: up to date financial information, updated CRB check forms, a copy of info on our local support network, updated childcare experience information and feedback sheets based on the children's paperwork!

Home and cars:
- We have a new cleaner who is great and we are happy to keep her - at last! We will attach cupboard safety catches to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will be purchasing a nearly new car when we are matched. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
- Mary finishes working part time / casually at her local primary school on 16th July. She is no longer looking for a permanent role in September. The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of August.
- Mungo is working full time in a permanent IT role. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September.
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) – Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) – second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.

June

2009-06-30T17:00:00.003+01:00

We have now been potentially linked with a sibling group of three from 'L'. We have a linking meeting on 7th July to meet up with their social workers.

Our social worker has put on hold our interests in the following sets of siblings:
- Two from 'D', awaiting contact from social workers to advise if they are interested in us as a potential link
- Three from 'N', awaiting outcome of sibling assessment to ascertain if they will be kept together as a three
- Two from 'Nr'
- Three friom 'H'
- Two from 'Le'.

23-Jun to 29-Jun

2009-06-29T19:18:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their paperwork and there are some great common features between them and us, like family names and so on. We have expressed our ongoing interest in them. There are four other couples being reviewed. After a meeting on 12th June, we are now the only couple being linked with these children. We have a meeting on 7th July to meet with their social workers. We have now received medical reports, foster carer reports and nursery reports. We are officially linked and if the social workers like us then we can easily reach the matching stage very soon. Everything is looking good so far!

- We have now had two meetings with our social worker about a sister and brother from 'D'. Their case is so harrowing and complex that we have had to read all their information at our social worker's office, so that there is support available to us. We want to proceed and we are awaiting feedback from their social workers to see if they are interested in linking with us.

- Our social worker has put on hold our potential interests regarding:

Three from 'N'
Two from 'Nr'
Three from 'H'
Two from 'Le'

Work update:
- Mary is working part time / casually at her local primary school until the end of term and is looking for a permanent role in September
- The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future.

- Mungo is working full time in a permanent IT role. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans and we feel they will be so when he needs to take time off during introductions and settling in
- The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, mary and our long awaited Midges!

Home and garden:
- We have a new cleaner who is coming on 26th June to do her first clean. Any bets on how long she will last?
- We will attach cupboard safety catches to cupboarda and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched.

Cars:
- We will be looking to purchase a nearly new car when we are matched with children. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10)
- Mary: passed her NVQ 2 in Basic Food Hygiene - a requirement of working in an afterschool club environment

- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted, score was 82% and his final assignment (ECA - End of Course Assessment) was submitted on the 21st May
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79% and his second assignment is due for submission on 4th June.

16-Jun to 22-Jun

2009-06-22T17:25:00.004+01:00

Family-finding:
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their paperwork and there are some great common features between them and us, like family names and so on. We have expressed our ongoing interest in them. After a meeting on 12th June, we are now the only couple being linked with them. We have a meeting on 7th July to meet with their social workers. Very exciting!
- We have now had two meetings with our social worker about a sister and brother from 'D'. Their case is so harrowing and complex that we have had to read all their information at our social worker's office, so that there is support available to us. We have discussed the information we have read and we are happy to proceed and offer them all the support they will need for the rest of their lives. We are still awaiting feedback for their social workers to see if they are interested in linking with us.
- We are also awaiting contact from social workers regarding:

Three from 'N'
Two from 'Nr'
Three from 'H'
Two from 'Le'

Work update:
- Mary is working part time / casually at her local primary school until the end of term and is looking for a permanent role in September
- The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future.
- Mungo is working full time in a permanent IT role. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans and we feel they will be so when he needs to take time off during introductions and settling in
- The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, mary and our long awaited Midges!

Home and garden:
- We have a new cleaner who is coming on 26th June to do her first clean. Any bets on how long she will last?
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be attached when we are matched and before introductions.

Car:
- We will be looking to purchase a nearly new car when we are matched with children. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10)
- Mary: passed her NVQ 2 in Basic Food Hygiene - a requirement of working in an afterschool club environment
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted, score was 82% and his final assignment (ECA - End of Course Assessment) was submitted on the 21st May
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79% and his second assignment is due for submission on 4th June.

09-Jun to 15-Jun

2009-06-15T19:01:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their paperwork and there are some great common features between them and us, like family names and so on. They are definitely of interest to us. We have heard from our social worker that there is to be a meeting on Friday to discuss four couples (including us). So much for us being the only couple they are interested in!
- We have now had two meetings with our social worker about a sister and brother from 'D'. Their case is so harrowing and complex that we have had to read all their information at our social worker's office, so that there is support available to us. We have discussed the information we have read and we are happy to proceed and offer them all the support they will need for the rest of their lives.
- We are also awaiting contact from social workers regarding:

Three from 'N'
Two from 'Nr'
Three from 'H'
Two from 'Le'

Work update:
- Mary is working part time / casually at her local primary school as a Breakfast Club / Afterschool Club Playworker, Lunchtime Supervisor, Teaching Assistant and Treasurer for the Afterschool Club Committee. She has an appointment to see the headteacher on Monday to discuss a permanent role, as the adoption wheels are grinding so slowly.
- The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary in some of those roles and will give her more flexibility and choice in the future
- Mungo is working full time in a permanent IT managerial job and has been in his current role for over a year. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans and we feel they will be so when he needs to take time off during introductions and settling in. The company is based nearby and is flexible in its approach to home working and time off for meetings and so on
- The course thatMungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, mary and our long awaited Midges!

Home and garden:
- We are still looking for a new cleaner.
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be attached when we are matched and before introductions.

Car:
- We will be looking to purchase a nearly new car when we are matched with children. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10)
- Mary: passed her NVQ 2 in Basic Food Hygiene - a requirement of working in an afterschool club environment
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted, score was 82% and his final assignment (ECA - End of Course Assessment) was submitted on the 21st May
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79% and his second assignment is due for submission on 4th June.

02-Jun to 08-Jun

2009-06-08T21:28:00.002+01:00

Family-finding:
- Sibling group of 3 from 'N': awaiting the full paperwork and outcome of a sibling assessment to identify if they should remain together or be split up.
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their paperwork and there are some great common features between them and us, like family names and so on. They are definitely of interest to us. We are waiting for the social worker to let our s/w know if they have read our paperwork and are interested in us.
- We are also awaiting contact from social workers regarding:

Two from 'Nr'
Three from 'H'
Two from 'Le'

- We have an appointment to see our social worker tomorrow (Thursday) to discuss two others. All we know so far is their names, they are a sister and brother and their case is so complex we have to read their information at our social worker's office so that there is support available to us.

Work update:
- We thought you might like updates on our work situation, and how this process is affecting it.
- Mary has spent her entire working life in the Finance and Risk industry, only to be made redundant just as we were starting our adoption journey - perfect timing in some ways but not in others! She decided to change her career completely and, bearing in mind she had little childcare experience, chose to work part time in her local primary school as Special Educational Needs Teaching Assistant and Lunchtime Supervisor on a one year contract. When the contract was up we went to panel and, believing matching to a sibling group was on the horizon, decided to work casually, so as to not have to start a permanent job only to give it up a short time later.
- Mary is still working casually at her local primary school as a Breakfast Club / Afterschool Club Playworker, Lunchtime Supervisor, Teaching Assistant and Treasurer for the Afterschool Club Committee. She doesn't do all that every day though, she still manages to work part time! She is seriously considering that permanent role, as the adoption wheels are grinding so slowly.
- The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary in some of those roles and will give her more flexibility and choice in the future
- Mungo is working full time in a permanent IT managerial job and has been in his current role for over a year. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans and we feel they will be so when he needs to take time off during introductions and settling in. The company is based nearby and is flexible in its approach to home working and time off for meetings and so on
- The course thatMungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, mary and our long awaited Midges!

Home and garden:
- Mary has had to sack the 5th cleaner, as she just wasn't cleaning anything!
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be attached when we are matched and before introductions.

Car:
- We will be looking to purchase a nearly new car when we are matched with children. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10)
- Mary: passed her NVQ 2 in basic Food Hygeine - a requirement of working in an afterschool club environment
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted, score was 82% and his final assignment (ECA - End of Course Assessment) was submitted on the 21st May
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79% and his second assignment is due for submission on 4th June.

May

2009-05-31T10:06:00.004+01:00

- Still awaiting a phone call / paperwork about three groups of siblings: S+2, a group from 'N' and a group from 'L'.
- Decided to take S+2 off our radar, due to a lack of response from their social workers.
- Also expresses our interest in three other groups of siblings: from 'Nr', 'H' and 'Le'.

19-May to 25-May

2009-05-25T13:40:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
- Sibling group of 3 from 'N': we have read the basic profiles on these children and are still awaiting the full paperwork and outcome of a sibling assessment to identify if they should remain together or be split up. This will take several weeks.
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their basic profiles and full paperwork. They are definitely of interest to us. We are waiting for the social worker to return from holiday (after 21st May) to start family-finding. Let's hope we are included in their plans.
- We have also expressed our interest with our social worker in three other sibling groups and are awaiting contact from their social workers:

Two from 'Nr'
Three from 'H'
Two from 'Le'

Home and garden:
- Mary had an issue with the cleaner :( She has complained to the company and is hoping things will improve over the next couple of weeks
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be attached when we are matched and before introductions.

Car:
- We will be looking to purchase a nearly new car when we are matched with children. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10)
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79%.

12-May to 18-May

2009-05-18T10:04:00.001+01:00

Family-finding:
- S+2: we have decided not to keep these on our radar :( it has been two months since we expressed our interest and we have heard very little in the last few weeks.
- Sibling group of 3 from 'N': we have read the basic profiles on these children and are still awaiting the outcome of a sibling assessment to identify if they should remain together or be split up. This will take several weeks.
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their basic profiles and are waiting the social worker to return from holiday (after 21st May) to start family-finding and send us the paperwork.
- We have also expressed our interest with our social worker in three other sibling groups and are awaiting contact from their social workers:

Two from 'Nr'
Three from 'H'
Two from 'Le'

Home and garden:
- Mary is still happy with the cleaner - yay!
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be done when we are matched and before introductions. They are now purchased and sitting in a drawer awaiting attachment.

Car:
- We will be looking to purchase a nearly new car when we are matched with children. This car is not that much different to what Mary has right now! It is big enough to fit in all the car seats we might need AND there is ample storage space for all their gubbins :) What tops it all is the 'slidy doors'! This will make getting in and out so much easier.
- We will put Mary's cherished number plate on retention as soon as we are matched. Mungo will then get it advertised and sold privately, because we are likely to get at least 3k more than trade
- Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has started the 5th (of 10)
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79%.

5-May to 11-May

2009-05-11T15:02:00.002+01:00

Family-finding:
- We have expressed our interest in three sibling groups:
- S+2: we have had full paperwork on these and are awaiting a call back from the social workers to advise whether we will be linked. Our social worker says that she thinks they are already family-finding. vWe have been waiting to hear since mid-March, so if we have heard nothing by this week then we shall take them off our list.
- Sibling group of 3 from 'N': we have read the basic profiles on these children and are awaiting the outcome of a sibling assessment to identify if they should remain together or be split up. This will take several weeks.
- Sibling group of 3 from 'L': we have read their basic profiles and are awaiting the social workers to start family-finding. Thursday: we received an update from our social worker: their social worker is on holiday until 21st May (grrrr...) and if the paperwork is updated whilst she is away she will arrange for it to be sent over.
- Saturday: The latest literature of children who are waiting to be adopted was delivered this morning. We have seen some groups that we would like information and and have emailed our social worker with the details.

Home and garden:
- Mary has taken on the cleaner :)
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be done when we are matched and before introductions. They are now purchased and sitting in a drawer awaiting attachment.

Car:
- We will put Mary's cherished number plate on retention as soon as we are matched. Mungo will then get it advertised and sold privately.
- Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back when we take the children out separately.

Studying:
- Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has started the 5th (of 10)
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - 4th assignment submitted
- Mungo: M255 (Java Programming) - first assignment submitted, score was 79%

28-Apr to 4-May

2009-05-04T09:25:00.001+01:00

This week's update:
- We are still awaiting a phone call about three sibling groups that our social worker is working on. Might call her for an update on Friday morning if we haven't heard anything by then.
- Wednesday: Our social worker gave us some further info on the two sets of children from 'N' and 'L'. They both sound like children we would be prepared to adopt - given the brief information we have. Mary said that we would need to see the paperwork and a photo before we agreed to anything further. Both sets of siblings are complicated in that there are time delays due to legal or assessment issues; so a long road ahead of us, if we decide on either of them.
- We have still heard nothing from the social workers for S+2 . Our social worker mentioned that there was a possibility that they may be looking at other couples first. We agreed that we would give it another week and then drop them off our radar - so to speak! It does not stop them contacting us in the future and if we are still looking then we would be very interested.
- Saturday: We received a copy of the profiles of the children from 'N' and 'L', one of which has photos. The profiles are like A4-sized adverts; they are bright, colourful and full of meaningless phrases like "the foster carers say they are a delight to care for." But is does give you a bit of an insight to what they are like - and photos are a must. The paperwork which gives you all the details (and I mean ALL) is called the CPR. We haven't had those for either set of children yet.

Home and garden update:
- Mary is awaiting Friday when the new cleaner comes and does their first clean - assuming they don't cancel beforehand!
- Friday: The cleaner has arrived! She arrived early! She seems very nice and right on my level :) She did a good clean and we are taking her on permanently - yay!

Car update:
- It's decided! The car that is for us! A second-hand of the type we want is about the same cost as Mary's car so we won't need to put anything towards it - which is a billy-bonus!
- We have also decided to get Mary's cherished number plate put on retention as soon as we are matched, as it's just a car journey to get it done immediately. Otherwise it is weeks of paperwork and the timings might get messed up. Mungo will then get it advertised and sold privately.
- We are spending as much time as possible making the most of Mary's car; Mungo's car is to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be done when we are matched and before introductions. They are now purchased and sitting in a drawer awaiting attachment.
- The blinds are up! Yay, well done Mungo :)

Studying update:
- Mary: has sent in her 4th assignment and has started the 5th (of 10), on the course Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3.
- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living). 4th assignment submitted, 1 left to go then the course is done (end-May) ... and M255 (Java Programming) first assignment submitted, no result yet, course finishes October.

April

2009-04-30T08:45:00.006+01:00

- Had a phone call from our social worker on 2nd regarding potential parents for H+2. They were advised of a couple living nearer the children who have just been approved for 3 children aged 6 and under. As they are closer to the children and are more likely to be able to provide a better cultural reflection of their birth family, they have decided to put us (and the other couple) on hold for now until they can meet up with this new couple.
- We have now been advised that they are going to go with the other couple so that's it for those children.
- We are thinking about the other set of children (S+2) and what we can do to progress those. Our social worker has still had no contact from their social workers.
- We have now had contact from S+2's social workers, who is now on holiday for two weeks!
- Social workers from a place called 'N' have a sibling group of three in mind for us. They are carrying out a sibling assessment to see if all three should be adopted together. This assessment will take six or so weeks, so they are very much on the back burner.
- Social workers from a place called 'L' have a sibling group of three who are all under 4! The oldest had suffered an incident at 4 or 6 months, then at 3 and 1 the oldest two were taken into care. The youngest has been in care since birth. As it stands, we are the only couple being looked at - but as we know from bitter experience this means diddly squat!

21-Apr to 27-Apr

2009-04-27T08:50:00.003+01:00

This week's update:

- We are still awaiting a phone call about three sibling groups that our social worker is working on. The info given to date is a bit sketchy on the first two:

- Social workers from a place called 'N' have a sibling group of three in mind for us. We have seen no paperwork so don't know if they are what we are looking for. They are carrying out a sibling assessment to see if all three should be adopted together. They have concerns about the middle child suffering from 'middle-child syndrome' so it's not cut and dried. This assessment will take six or so weeks, so they are very much on the back burner.

- Social workers from a place called 'L' have a sibling group of three who are all under 4! The oldest had suffered an incident at 4 or 6 months, then at 3 and 1 the oldest two were taken into care. The youngest has been in care since birth. As it stands, we are the only couple being looked at - but as we know from bitter experience this means diddly squat!

- If you cast your mind all the way back to our update of '17-Mar to 23-Mar' we mentioned S and 2 siblings. We had and read their paperwork and are still happy to go ahead with them. Our social worker has finally had contact from their social worker, who is now on a two week holiday.... (Grrr...) The good news is they have had and are reading our paperwork, so we are still in the running. I said at the time that this group are ruling my heart, so they are my faves - until we read the profiles of the others that is!

- G&F are planning a house conversion and are raring to go, their social worker is starting family-finding for them.

- R&A are preparing for their little girl's homecoming tomorrow (Wednesday) :)

Home and garden update:

- Mary is interviewing a 4th cleaning company tomorrow. I really don't know what to expect this time!

Car update:

- We are spending the last few months making the most of Mary's car; Mungo's car to stay with us.

- There is a car that is still hot fave with us. We still have to get Mary's cherished number plate on retention as soon as we make any decisions.

To do list:

- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be done when we are matched and before introductions. They are now purchased and sitting in a drawer awaiting attachment.

- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room. they are sitting in the kitchen waiting to be put up.

Studying update:

- Mary has yet to start her fourth assignment (of 10) on the course Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3.

- Mungo: T175 (Networked Living)... just submitted 4th assignment, 1 left to go then the course is done (end-May) ... and M255 (Java Programming) first assignment submitted, no result yet, course finishes October.

14-Apr to 20-Apr

2009-04-20T15:13:00.001+01:00

This weeks events:
- We are still awaiting a phone call about H+2. We hope to hear by the end of the week. Neither of us are expecting good news :(
- R&A start their introductions on Thursday, yay! Oops that should say Wednesday, got the date wrong.
- Okay so here's the news we were expecting but not wanting. Our social worker rang today (17th) to say the children H+2's social workers will be going with the third couple :(
- As one door closes, another one opens. Our social worker also told us about three other sibling groups that she is working on. No firm details yet, but as soon as we hear anything I'll update here.
- Went round to R&A's house for celebratory drinks, their little one is coming home to stay next Wednesday! How quick is that? They are beaming :) They showed us some photos and talked about their last few 'whirlwind' days. We shall be learning from them now!

Home and garden update:
- We had a phone call from the potential cleaner at the weekend, she has decided she has enough jobs already so cancelled coming round Monday (14th). This leaves us without a cleaner again! What does it take? I thought people would be snapping up work, not turning it down. Are we still in that recession or did it pass me by already???

Car update:
- We are spending the last few months making the most of Mary's car; Mungo's car to stay with us.
- There is one ccar that is still hot fave with us. We still have to get Mary's cherished number plate on retention as soon as we make any decisions.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen; to be done when we are matched and before introductions. They are now purchased and sitting in a drawer awaiting attachment.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room. they are sitting in the kitchen waiting to be put up.

Studying update:
- Mary has passed her 3rd assignment with another A - Distinction. That's now three out of three! She has yet to start her fourth assignment.
- Mungo has one assignment to do before he finishes his latest course.

7-Apr to 13-Apr

2009-04-13T18:49:00.001+01:00

This weeks events:
- The news we have been waiting for - G&F were approved!! Fabulous news, you two. We are very happy and proud of you two. What a day for news that Friday was!
- R&A are rocking and rolling - they start their intros with their little one on the 16th, I believe! Whoosh! We are so thrilled for you two. It also reminds us that is does happen!
- We had a phone call from our social worker a few days ago to see how we are doing. No news from her end, she said we should expect to hear from the social workers about H+2 by 17th. So it goes quiet again and we are left waiting, again!

Home and garden update:
- Mungo was recommended a cleaner that a friend of his uses. She is supposed to be quite good. She is coming round on Monday with a view to starting on Tuesday. I don't know how much she charges or anything, though. Let's hope that she is not only as good as our last cleaner, but also that she is reliable too!

Car update:
- We are spending the last few months making the most of Mary's car; Mungo's car to stay with us.
- There is one car that is still hot fave with us.
- We have been mulling over the thought of selling my car now and banking the money until it's needed, but it's just too hard :( With the warmer months coming up and an unknown deadline we are really putting it off. We do need to get Mary's cherished number plate on retention as soon as we make any decisions.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room. Now, brace yourselves: We bought the blinds today. Yes, we have got around to it at last :D This gives Mungo the rest of the weekend to put them up. What a star!

31-Mar to 6-Apr

2009-04-06T11:30:00.001+01:00

This weeks events:
- We had a phone call from our social worker today about the meeting that went ahead on Tuesday regarding potential parents for H+2. They discussed our info and we are really strong contenders. Part way through the meeting they were advised of a couple living nearer the children who have just been approved for 3 children aged 6 and under. As they are closer to the children and are more likely to be able to provide a better cultural reflection of their birth family, they have decided to put us (and the other couple) on hold for now until they can meet up with this new couple. Once they have decided if they are going to go ahead with the couple they will let us know.
- Naturally, we are disappointed and a bit let down by the system again. But we are not totally surprised. And if this couple are just as good as us in every other respect then for sure they will be chosen. So, we are assuming that this is a dead lead and are thinking about the other set of children S+2 and what we can do to progress those. Our social worker has still had no contact from their social workers.
- Mary and Mungo are really please to hear R&A's excellent news :) Well done you two! What a rollercoaster huh? We are also awaiting G&F's news...

Home and garden update:
- Nothing to report.

Car update:
- We are spending the last few months making the most of my car; hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.
- Yes, we know those two have been on our list for ages, maybe this bank holiday we'll get our act into gear!

March

2009-03-31T17:05:00.006+01:00

- Possible interest in S and two siblings. Our social worker has read their profiles and there doesn't seem to be anything that we can't handle. We have received the profiles and are reading them at the moment.
- We also have received profiles on another sibling group of three: H and 2 siblings. Again, we haven't read the info yet.
- We have a meeting with our social worker on Monday 23rd March to discuss if either set might be suitable and decide what happens next.
- Mary has read through the profiles and is happy with both sets of kiddies.
- Had the meeting on 23rd and our social worker is also very happy with both groups, so we have asked her to progress our interest in them both. Yay! Feeling happier now, as the last three months without any movement has been taking its toll!
- We also discussed the length of time it has been since we saw her and how we don't feel that anything has been happening in the background. She is now going to tell us about every contact by email.
- Had a phone call from our social worker on 27th March, H and two siblings' social workers are very interested in us. They are holding a meeting on 31st to discuss whether to progress us as a potential link, so we hope to hear later that week.

24-Mar to 30-Mar

2009-03-30T16:49:00.002+01:00

This weeks events:
- A little bit of excitement! On Friday our social worker called to say she has tried to contact the social workers for both groups of children, to advise them that we are interested. She hasn't had a response from S and 2 siblings' social worker but she has from H and 2 siblings'! They said we were top of their list and that there was only one other couple being considered. There is a meeting on Tuesday (31st) to decide who, if any, they are going to visit. Our s/w said that we should be prepared for a visit, as they apparently loved our profile (what isnt there to love? lol)
- These children have suffered neglect (poor lil mites) but other than that are happy, healthy and cute :) Our s/w doesn't forsee any issues with them (other than the usual care / adoption-related issues.) The middle child might present the most issues as he was angry when he went into foster care, but he is managing much better now.
- We still have a few hurdles to jump, e.g. they may not come and visit or they may not like us when they visit us. So, for now it's looking good, yay! We have been so frustrated with the time and the process recently, so it's nice to have a glimmer of hope.

Home and garden update:
- Nothing to report.

Car update:
- We were a bit norty today and went window-shopping for cars. We looked at two in particular. There is one that is hot fave at the moment, as it has sliding doors. There is also a sweet 0% finance deal which might sway us into buying a new one :) We are spending the last few months making the most of my car; hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.
- Yes, we know those two have been on our list for ages, maybe the next bank holiday we'll get our act into gear!

Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers:
- Mary is doing an NVQ level 3 in Children's Care, Learning and Development, passing all assignments with Distinction so far!
- Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing, he has 30 points so far and is working on two courses this year, 30 points each: 'Networked living: exploring information and communication technologies' and 'Object-oriented programming with Java.' Next year he will be doing a 60 point course. He is currently passing his coursework with flying colours!

17-Mar to 23-Mar

2009-03-23T20:32:00.002Z

This weeks events:
- Mary has read through the profiles and is happy with both sets of kiddies. The first group are S and 2 siblings; we would like more up to date info and a clearer picture, this group are ruling my heart, and there's very little to make my head say no. The second group are H and 2 siblings; the info isn't too old and this group are ruling my head as there is nothing about them that concerns me.
- Our social worker is meeting with us on Monday (now in the evening not the morning), for the first time since 7th January, to discuss our thoughts and to decide where we go from here.
- Had the meeting this evening (23rd) and our S/W is also very happy with both groups, so we have asked her to progress our interest in them both. Yay! Feeling happier now :)
- We also discussed the length of time it has been since we saw her and how we don't feel that anything has been happening in the background. She said she was 'protecting' us from telling us about every contact and profile, in case we became disheartened with lots of knock-backs. We advised we have become disheartened with the minimal contact. She is now going to tell us about every contact by email. We also agreed that if it becomes too much we will let her know and we'll try something else.
- Mary has changed the blog template, as the other one was too dark. Hope you like the changes :)

Home and garden update:
- Nothing to report.

Car update:
- We have been taking full advantage of the nice weather the last couple of days. We are spending the last few months making the most of my car; hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.
- Yes, we know those two have been on our list for ages, maybe the next bank holiday we'll get our act into gear!

10-Mar to 16-Mar

2009-03-16T18:08:00.004Z

This weeks events:
- Our social worker has given us the profiles of the three children I talked about in our last update, and the profile on another sibling group. The first group are S and 2 siblings, the second group are H and 2 siblings - to save any confusion :) We haven't had time to read them yet, so when we do, we will post some info on our thoughts about them.
- Our social worker is meeting with us on Monday to discuss our thoughts and to decide where we go from here.

Home and garden update:
- Cleaner. We have given up on the idea of a cleaner for now, given the hassle we had. I can't believe it's been so difficult.

Car update:
- We have been taking full advantage of the nice weather the last could of days. We are spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.
- Yes, we know those two have been on our list for ages, maybe the next bank holiday we'll get our act into gear!

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers:
- Mary is doing an NVQ level 3 in Children's Care, Learning and Development, passing all assignments with Distinction!
- Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing, he has 30 points so far and is working on two courses this year, 30 points each: 'Networked living: exploring information and communication technologies' and 'Object-oriented programming with Java.' Next year he will be doing a 60 point course. He is currently passing his coursework with flying colours!

3-Mar to 9-Mar

2009-03-09T20:17:00.002Z

This weeks events:
- Last week we were on holiday, so no update.
- Whilst we were on holiday we talked about what is going on and the length of time it is taking without any progress. We have decided to 'sell' ourselves to the local authorities out there. We are planning to produce an A4 profile of ourselves with a couple of photos to send out to everyone ever few months or so. Hopefully this will 'remind' social workers out there that we are looking.
- Our social worker has been reading the profiles of three more kiddies. We may be getting some info on them: a couple of boys and their sister. Mary is trying her hardest not to get too excited about them. We have read a couple of paragraphs on them, their picture is soooo gorgeous. They are 6, 4 and 2. Our social worker has read their profiles and there doesn't seem to be anything that we can't handle. The info she has is about a year old so she has asked for more up to date paperwork before she passes it onto us. Obviously, if she reads anything new that is suspect in the latest paperwork then she won't even bother to follow it up with us, she will mark it as a dead lead and we shall keep on looking.

Home and garden update:
- Cleaner. Hmmmm.... anyone local recommend a decent, reliable and economical cleaner? I just had to sack ours for the second time due to not being reliable. I am gutted because she was a fantastic cleaner, the house hasn't looked so good in ages. She just didn't bother turning up when she said she would, and when we have the kids that won't be acceptable.

Car update:
- Spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.
- Yes, we know those two have been on our list for ages, maybe the next bank holiday we'll get our act into gear!

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers:
- Mary is doing an NVQ level 3 in Children's Care, Learning and Development, passing all assignments with Distinction!
- Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing, he has 30 points so far and is working on two courses this year, 30 points each: 'Networked living: exploring information and communication technologies' and 'Object-oriented programming with Java.' Next year he will be doing a 60 point course. He is currently passing his coursework with flying colours!

February

2009-02-28T10:11:00.002Z

- Awaiting infomation from our social worker regarding a sibling group of three girls.
- Our social worker says the three girls are not suitable, so back to the drawing board!

17-Feb to 23-Feb

2009-02-23T10:08:00.000Z

What's happened this week?
- Published blog for the first time in ages, thanks to F for the reminders!

This weeks events:
- Awaiting response from our social worker regarding three girls.

Home and garden update:
- Cleaner seems to be working out, she still is a bit iffy about coming every week at the same time, but we'll beat her into submission!

Car update:
- Spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers. Mary is doing an NVQ in Children's Care, Learning and Development. Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing.

09-Feb to 16-Feb

2009-02-16T09:26:00.000Z

What's happened this week?
- A big fat nothing. Mary has thrown all of her toys out of her pram!
- Okay so not 'nothing' has happened but it feels like it. Social worker is reading some profiles of three girls that we might be interested in.
- We have both been studying and getting great grades.
- Mary has been helping out at school again, and is helping out the half term week at the playscheme.

This weeks events:
- Awaiting response from our social worker regarding three girls.

Home and garden update:
- Cleaner seems to be working out, she still is a bit iffy about coming every week at the same time, but we'll beat her into submission!

Car update:
- Spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers. Mary is doing an NVQ in Children's Care, Learning and Development. Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing.

January 2009

2009-01-31T08:05:00.002Z

- Awaiting the visit of some social workers for three boys on 7th
- Meeting held, boys to be split up so we decided not to progress our interest
- Four groups we previously had an interest in have now been linked with other prospective couples, so we are unable to progress our interest in those. Back to the drawing board.

15-Jan to 21-Jan

2009-01-21T09:49:00.000Z

What's happened this week?
- After the visit with the social workers we have sat down and had a really good think about where to go with the three boys. In the meeting with the social worker it was identified that the boys are to be split up to a 2 and a 1 separately. This is a big disappointment for us and means we are not going to press ahead with our interest in them. This is sad and it is also one of the situations that we may have to face again in the future.

The hardest part of this week is the guilt of turning away children when we have been fighting for several years to have them. This is too hard sometimes.

- Mary got her first assignment marked, with an A - Distinction mark!

This weeks events:
- Awaiting response from our social worker as to where we go from here.

Home and garden update:
-

Car update:
- Spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.
- Blinds to be put up in kitchen and dining room.

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers. Mary is doing an NVQ in Children's Care, Learning and Development. Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing.

08-Jan to 14-Jan

2009-01-14T17:51:00.001Z

What's happened this week?
- Social workers for sibling group of three boys came to visit on 7th. The boys are to be split up and this has put on the brakes for us. We have until eaarly next week to decide if we want to proceed. We have not yet heard if we have been successful, as one of the social workers couldn't make it and they will have to re-visit us. They have also not yet visited the other couple that they are interested in.
- New cleaner due to start Monday.

This weeks events:
-

Home and garden update:
- Nothing new to update.

Car update:
- Spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers. Mary is doing an NVQ in Children's Care, Learning and Development. Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing.

01-Jan to 07-Jan

2009-01-07T13:34:00.001Z

What's happened this week?
- Started this blog
- New cleaner due to start next week, hurrah!

This weeks events:
- Social workers for sibling group of three boys coming to visit on 7th, 99.9% probability that these are not going to work out, but you never know unless you try.

Home and garden update:
- Plug socket protectors in use
- Garden nicely fenced off
- Sliding bolt put on under-stairs cupboard door.

Car update:
- Spending the last few months making the most of my car, hubby's car to stay with us.

To do list:
- Cupboard safety catches for kitchen.

- Studying:
We are both studying to further our careers. Mary is doing an NVQ in Children's Care, Learning and Development. Mungo is doing an OU degree in Computing.

Pre-approval snippets from an old blog - part 2 of 2

2009-01-01T23:23:00.002Z

21 August 2008
Oh dear, sorry for not updating my blog for ages. What have we been up to since the beginning of June? When I last mentioned our adoption plans I was waiting for a medical date and panel was put back to September. We had a bit of good news about a panel date and a slot became available on Thursday 7th August, but only IF we could get the medicals sorted out in time - only 4 months late! In the end, Mungo COULD make the last June medical appointment - aarrgghh after all that! But he didn't know until the last minute, so things couldn't have happened any other way. So we swapped, as it's easier with my part time hours to slot in a new date and he had his in June. I eventually had my medical on the 15th July! It was still barely in time to get the information reviewed and sent to panel before 7th August as some of my records were held offsite and they were having building work done to the surgery too, so they went missing for a time. Is NOTHING simple????

A curved ball at the eleventh hour - two weeks before panel our social worker suddenly said that there is a lot of stuff that panel members could pick us up on, like how long we have been together. Well that's the first we had heard of that being an issue - and five years, okay isn't the longest time, but surely if it was an issue, something should have been said before we started our application a year ago. And it's not like there is anything we could do about that at that late stage - 2 weeks before panel! That was really hard, because we felt like she was setting us up for a fall.

Curved ball part two - sooooo, we got the paperwork the day before it was supposed to be sent out. Instead of having 10 days to read and approve the content, we got one! We noted that the second opinion visit write-up was different to the meeting outcome of whether we should be approved and for how many children. We spoke with our SW who spoke with the lady; she said she was sorry she hadn't communicated her 'change of mind after meeting with us' but that her 'final' decision would still stand. She would only recommend us for 2 children. Uh? What's going on? I was really upset and disappointed, then we found ourselves wondering if only being approved for 2 children would overshadow being approved - that is, if we were approved at all! we needed a holiday! So we decided to book something to leave the day after panel. We booked a one-week cruise around Greece, the islands and Turkey; then we sat around and waited the last 13 days for panel.

Panel: We would get an indicitive 'recommendation' on the day and a decision from the decision-maker either the next day or the following Monday followed by a letter a week later. Nothing is guaranteed until the letter, though! We were required to get there by 10 for a cuppa and a chat with our social worker for a while, as panel were preparing themselves. Two minutes after we got there (early) they decided that as we were there, they would start the panel early. So off went our social worker and we were sat on our own. Time ticked by; the 45-60 minutes we were expecting came and went. Even the next couple arrived for their panel meeting and we hadn't gone in! That was worrying and we didn't think it a good sign. After 75 minutes out came our social worker and the Panel Chair with three questions (normal procedure) and we had a few minutes with our social worker to discuss the questions. She said that the first part had gone very positively and she seemed very upbeat :) Five minutes later we were all called in; our social worker had even told us where to sit! We then went to see the panel - 12 people! - and they asked about how we felt with the process and what skills we could use for 3 rather than 2 children. The third question was another curved ball - they were being extra-cautious about a particular issue, but when we all realised they had gone off on an imaginary tangent all was well - phew! We were in there for no more than 10 minutes and we ended up on our own again. Our social worker stayed in there for the summing up and voting, so more waiting!

Decision time: Our social worker came back in with the Panel Chair and said "Yes, you have been recommended for approval and for 2-3 children!!!" Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell I just sat there, I couldn't believe it, it was absolutely everything that we had wanted! Our social worker went out to get us some more drinks and Mungo and I had our first cuddle as approved prospective adoptive parents and I had a tear - of course! When she came back she said the vote had been unanimous! All of the panel agreed with our social worker and not the second opinion report! And yet we still we had the following day to wait, or more likely until the Monday for the final decision, so we couldn't assume that was it. Off we went home to pack and have a celebratory pizza :D 2.15 the next morning 08-08-08 we got up and went to the airport to catch the flight to Corfu. We arrived on the boat about lunch time and went straight to the bar to order yummy cocktails lol! We switched on our phones and mine bleeped a couple of times. Thinking it was just the network providers welcome texts, it took me a few minutes to get around to having a look. There were two messages: one was saying I had a voicemail and the other was from our social worker saying she had tried calling and had left a voicemail message but also wanted to text us to let us know that the decision maker had agreed outright with the panel's decision! And yes there were more tears! when we got home the approval letter, sent that Friday, was on the doormat. So that's it! All approved, we did it! I am soooooooo happy! WE are so happy!

Pre-approval snippets from an old blog - part 1 of 2

2009-01-01T21:59:00.004Z

17 February 2008
Mungo and I have not been blessed with our own children, so we are adopting. The process is very long and drawn out; we started in April 2007 and haven't yet been approved. We can see why it should be like that, so we just keep reminding ourselves of the outcome, if things get too tortuous. We had a planned visit from our Social Worker on Thursday, who discussed our ability to parent children. The things we have to discuss and reveal about ourselves are sometimes very intrusive and upsetting. Our social worker is very pleased with us and can see no reason why we shouldn't be approved. Our panel date is in June, so we still have a long way to go before we can even start to think about the children we might have. Or so we thought! Our social worker said we can start looking for a family! Woooo hoooo! We are sooooo excited :) Now, if you don't know about the process, what we do now is start looking in specialist listings for children who are currently waiting to be adopted. We already have one delivered on a monthly basis, so we have an idea of those who are out there and their family requirements. We are looking for a sibling group of two or three, with at least one child pre-school age, e.g. toddler or baby, so we need to be matched with children who are waiting for parents that have our strengths, experience and skills. Poor kids, eh? It's starting to get exciting, we are already saying things like, "When the kids are here we get to go to a holiday camp in the summer!" "When the kids arrive we can go to the pictures and watch kids films!" "When we get out Midges we'll have to have a better routine!"

22 February 2008
We received an email from our social worker asking if we wanted to attend a family finding info day in April, so we responded yes. I'm not sure of the process, I think it's where they show prospective adopters details of the children waiting to be adopted and you can put yourselves forward as potential parents. Most definitely, things are moving in the right direction :)

28 February 2008
Today, I told my boss about our adoption plans. She was very supportive and told me about the Adoption policy they have there. I was worried that they might hold it against me, like my previous employers did when I told them about my IVF requirements. But let's not go down that road because I am still extremely angry about that even after 2 years! I know it's not healthy to bear a grudge that long but I've got to have some miniscule chink in my otherwise uber-perfect character ;)

02 March 2008
I went to get a spanking new haircut :) Oh how happy I am and how different I feel. Very grown up with my new body, clothes and hair. We have a sports car and I drove home with the roof down and it was fab. Sadly, the car's days are numbered, as we can't squeeze a ready-made family of four or five into two seats! Talking of family, being Mothering Sunday and all, we have seen some families that we might like to be linked with, so have emailed our social worker to ask for more information.

22 March 2008
Some great news! We have finished our home study and are now waiting for our reference visits to be completed. We will have one final official visit - called the second opinion - and a medical, then we will be ready for panel in June. The social workers now need to get everything pulled together and typed up, which will take a month or more. Such a slooooooooooooooooooooow process! We have also seen some kiddies that we might be interested in and our social worker said we could contact their social workers. Because we don't have the information in draft yet we are unlikely to get any response, so it is worth a punt to see what reaction we get.

04 April 2008
I have been very busy at work doing some overtime in the after-school club and I am hoping to get some extra hours in next term. It all helps to increase my childcare knowledge. We had the latest publication of children waiting to be adopted today and we have seen some sibling groups we could potentially take on, so I shall send out some emails later.

04 May 2008
I have been poorly again, 5 colds since I started work at the school, 4 this year! By the time we have our kiddies I shall be immune to just about everything! Talking of which, it's 39 days to panel! I went on a 'Family Finding Information Day' a couple of weeks ago to see if we could find some kiddies and I saw two sibling groups. Our Social Worker has been off ill for 3 weeks so they have not progressed and it will be unlikely now that they will still be looking for a family. We have decided to mark it off as an information-gathering exercise and try again.

10 May 2008
I am starting to get impatient about the adoption process again. We have had nothing from our social worker in ages and are wondering if the paperwork is going to be ready in time. We haven't been given the go ahead to have our medicals done and we haven't seen the draft paperwork to approve it. Mungo is going to give them a call on Monday to find out what is happening.

15 May 2008
Soooooo, Mungo rang our social worker on Monday and she had been off sick for weeks and just got back - but no-one at the agency bothered to tell us! We have been sitting around waiting for them to contact us like they said we should. This now means our panel date has been put back by at least a month. Are we happy?

25 May 2008
We have had all the reference visits carried out by our social worker so another task completed. Apparently, she was very pleased and they all went really well. We have our medicals and the Second Opinion visit to go, then panel is now booked for the 10th July. But that is not set in stone as we have now found out, so we shall have to wait and see. We have transferred the goldfish into the big tank and rearranged the front room, ready to bring the TV down from upstairs. Mungo needs to get the cable man in to extend the cable into the front room. All this is preparation for our little ones.

27 May 2008
I had a wobbler last night. We were snuggled up watching Heroes Season 1 and there was an adoption issue on it and I just started sobbing. I feel like we arre never going to get there, it seems further away than ever. Mungo did and said all the right things and that made me feel better. I was still a little wobbly when we went to bed and I said to Mungo that I didn't want to go to sleep because I knew I would dream about my sister again. And i did. This time it wasn't a nightmare, or upsetting. She was there and we were getting along ok - but stilted. I don't remember what was happening but it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. I am always going to be upset that she will never be part of the adoption process. When we had IVF I remember emailing her the embryo pictures and saything these were her possible nieces and nephews. But I will never be able to do that again, with pictures of our potential littlies.

28 May 2008
It's just getting worse. I telephoned the doctors this morning to get us booked in for the medicals. Apparently, they have special appointments for them, you don't just book a normal appointment. When the woman who looks after these appointments rang me back (because I couldn't ring her directly!) the next one available is the 17th June and then the one after that is 20th June! Emailed our social worker who said if the doctors surgery doesn't hang about we should be okay for 10th July panel. Soooo we've been waiting for the medicals to happen since early February and we have it all to do in the last couple of weeks. Flaming typical. On the bright side, as it's adoption not fostering they have given us a reduced fee of £50 each not £76 each, so that helps.

29 May 2008 - AM
Mungo is unable to make either of those dates in June due to being the newbie at work! So I am taking the last date in June as it fits in with my working hours. However, the surgery won't get July's calendar until 3rd week in June!! The NHS at it's finest!!! Therefore - which will, I'm sure, be confirmed by our social worker when she comes this afternoon for a 'catch-up' visit, - we won't be going to panel in July. I am really, really, really peed off. To put it mildly. Very mildly. Very, very mildly. Get the point? I just wish... well there's no point wishing is there? Just gotta get on and deal with whatever comes your way as cheerfully as possible.

29 May 2008 - PM
We have now had our social worker vist and the outcome of discusssions around our panel date is... ...September panel. September... SEPTEMBER....

30 May 2008
I have just received a lovely email from N who found this blog through my Flickr profile. He's a member of one of the groups I belong to and a foster carer. He said this: "I just read your blog and can empathise with you entirely around the whole process of dealing with social services and approval. Although we have not adopted we have been foster carers for quite a few years now and for us it's an ongoing process of approval and certification. So much red tape these days due to all of those nasty incidents not so long ago in the press but it's all in a good cause. It's just the going thru the process stuff that seems to take forever but eventually it will all come together. We must be doing something right as they just asked if we would like to sit on the approval board hehe. Very best of luck with your 'process'." How lovely is that? Thank you, N. Made me feel a bit happier about it all.

31 May 2008
Had another lovely email from N about adoption with some really valuable info, especially for The Hubster - N is male so can give advice from a 'father's' perspective.

07 June 2008
We have had a long hard look at our finances and realised that we cannot continue for very long the way we have been going, without my full time salary, after I was made redundant last year. We are tightening our belts again and I will have to work full time, maybe even permanent until the kiddies come along. We spoke with our mortgage company and have changed the term of our mortgage to help. We will be selling my car and Mungo's bike and calling back a loan to ensure we don't sink when we get the kids. A very different scenario to when we bought the house 4 years ago!

Adoption Process

2009-01-01T21:00:00.001Z

This post is for those of you who would like some detail on the process and where we are:

Contact the Local Authority or private agency
Have an initial meeting for both parties to agree to go ahead
Send in a formal application
Attend 4 - 6 preparation groups, learning about the adoption triangle and abuse issues, over about two months. It is very emotional and thought-provoking
Have a social worker and have 10 home study sessions, over about 20 weeks. The social worker uses the information to prepare a 30-40 page document of your entire life history! It is very intrusive and sometimes quite emotional
Prepare for 'panel' to approve you for adopting, decide what you can offer children, e.g. how many children and of what age range /abilities / disabilities / gender and so on
In the background your social worker is finalising your paperwork. This can take about 2 months
Go to panel and be approved! Yay! This takes a couple of hours and you are advised of the provisional outcome on the day, with the official decision verbally a few days later and in writing a week later. The process is supposed to take no more than 8 months from official application to panel
Family-finding - now the fun and emotional roller-coaster really kicks in! Search for children using literature sent out every 4 weeks. The information contains a picture and two to three paragraphs about the child(ren)
Notify your social worker of your interest, who then contacts the children's social workers
Receive a profile - an A4 sheet of paper with basic details of the children, sometimes with a photo
Swap paperwork - the paperwork is the outcome of your home-study and the papers that the panel used to approve you - about 30-40 pages of your entire life history. The same paperwork has been written about the children's life including graphic detail about their history of abuse and how they came to be taken into care. Shocking stuff
Identify potential links - the social workers will look at all the interested prospective adopters and choose two or three that they may be interested in
Being linked - you will then be interviewed in your home and the social workers decide which, if any, prospective adopters to go with. This is then an official link
Being matched - once you are linked all system are go to prepare for matching panel, you meet the foster carers and the children's Local Authority's Medical Adviser. If you haven't already had them, you will receive the foster carer's / nursery / school / medical reports. These are over and above the paperwork already provided
Matching panel - as with the approval panel, you attend panel, they discuss all the information and you are advised of the outcome on the day
Preparing you all - the child(ren) see a book of the prospective adopters, to get them used to their faces, even including a DVD if they are really brave! The prospective adopters get a life story book, so they can show the children in later life what happened to them before they came to live with you
Introductions - this is a planned one- to three-week visitation of the children in the foster carer's home(s). If there is one child or a baby it may only take a week. The amount of contact is increased until you are with them 24 hours a day. All social workers closely monitor the children and yourselves. When it is agreed that everything is fine and the children are attaching you take your children home for good!
The legal stuff - after a period of time (usually 13 weeks or so) with plenty of monitoring by all social workers, it is agreed that you can apply to formerly adopt the children. This can take a few months
The children are legally your children and take on your surname, their birth certificate is changed and they have the same rights as if they were born to you :)
Unless in the children's best interest not to, contact with their birth family is continued, usually every 6 to 12 months, either directly or in-directly via letters to and from a post box. This is managed and directed by social workers who monitor contacts and letters both ways. This is to ensure no damage is done by the birth family, and to ensure that the children's location is not accidentally divulged.

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