Had a phone call from our social worker today to provide a date for meeting the Medical Adviser from the Local Authority that we are adopting the children through; it's a week on Monday. We will also be getting the judge's summing up paperwork today and the minutes of the meeting on 22nd February where we discussed the viability of the match.
I also asked that the 'Life Appreciation Day' meeting be requested. This is a meeting where the foster carer, health visitor, social worker and other professionals gather together to go through in chronological order the history of the children and what happened to them. A social worker will take minutes and this document will help to form information that can be shared with the children in later life. This information meeting usually happens for older children so we are not sure if we will get one, so we can but ask!
We have the meeting with the foster carer and nursery school teacher on Friday, times still yet to be agreed. It's on the same day as a LAC (Looked After Child) review so everyone will be at the Local Authority offices anyway.
Our friends G & F go to matching panel on Wednesday for a little boy, so we are keeping our fingers firmly crossed for them. They will make wonderful parents and their little boy sounds just lovely; can't wait to meet him!
Monday, 8 March 2010
Friday, 5 March 2010
05-Mar 2010
Wow what a meeting! We went through every emotion imaginable! First of all, the children's social worker didn't arrive and when we eventually got hold of her she was still in her office having just come out of another meeting, asking whether or not to come over. We were holding our heads in disbelief that the meeting wasn't going to go ahead. I was getting very angry! We managed to persuade her that she should come so she had to drive the 45 minutes to get to us. She ended up being an hour and a half late!
In the mean time the family finding social worker had got a list the list of questions back from the foster carer that we had asked for, which was brilliant and we hadn't expected to get them back. She answered all our (97 - yes 97! Thanks everyone on AUK who contributed to the list!) questions and this gave us a wonderful 'picture' of what the children are like. You may remember that the information we have on the children is a year old, so we were expecting some changes. Most of the changes are positive, like Tidge's (the middlie) feeding issues have improved and so on. A couple of things have surprised us, such as thinking Midge (the oldie) is in school but he is in fact in nursery. Also, Squidge (the littlie) is certainly no baby any more, as he is running around!
As we were going through the list, the children's social worker arrived and Mungo made more tea! Then they ran through all the questions that were asked of us back in July when we first met the family finding social worker and the children's previous social worker. A couple of minor things had changed, one of which was the school choice we have since made. As we haven't yet met with the nursery or received a nursery report we can't make the final decision anyway. We also talked about whether we wanted to meet the birth parents and we agreed that we would. The last contact between the children and their parents is coming up soon and we are disappointed that it is going to be held in one of our favourite photo-taking places. But at least we know and we will ensure that we never go there by accident and risk bringing up lots of sad memories. Bit sad really.
Then came the time for our social worker to do her stuff! (Yes we had three social workers around the table all at the same time!) She asked lots of questions about the paperwork that was outstanding and meeting dates that still needed putting in the diary. The children's paperwork still needs to be updated; the CPR's for Midge and Tidge are done, just need Squidge's completing. Their annual medicals are due this month so we are hoping that they will be done before we meet the medical adviser, so we can discuss up-to-date information. We have a meeting pencilled in for 12th March (a week today) to meet with the foster carer and a representative from the nursery. And last, but by no means least, a date for panel. They confirmed that we will be going to matching panel on 9th April! Yay! Let's hope it is third time lucky!
We also talked about finances and what support they are likely to give us. Basically, it is likely to be £250 per child as a settling in allowance and expenses for introductions. Their adoption allowance (like Child Benefit) is means tested so it is unlikely that we will get anything. Our social worker said she might try to squeeze them on that, because I have given up work and intend to do so for a few years and the more money we get in the longer it will be before I have to go back to work and that's a massive benefit for the children. They might pay for a cleaner for a month or two and they might pay for Mary's Mum's petrol for the first few weeks as she will be coming over to help out. So we shall see what of that we will get.
We also talked about feedback from the judge's summing up after the Care order and Placement Order were granted and we have been allowed to have it shared with us. So we are just waiting for our social worker to send it to us, for us to read and ask any questions on. The judge has asked that we be asked if we would be prepared to meet up with and have contact with the children's half siblings and we have said it would need to be properly risk-assessed for the benefit of the children and we don't mind either direct (face-to-face) or indirect (letterbox) contact.
It was then time to do a tour of Mungo Mansions lol and show the new social worker around the place, explaining where the kiddies bedrooms will be and how bed and bath routines will work. She was very impressed - we have a big house! Whilst Mary was doing the tour, Mungo asked the family finder approximate dates for introductions and they suggested that after waiting up to 10 days for the Decision Maker's official response, introduction planning could start as early as the week beginning 19th April with intros starting that week. They are likely to take about ten day to two weeks and so the children could be moving in at the start of May! Still speculative, but very exciting!
Then came the special bit that will make you go all goose-bumpy! They had photos and video of the children for us to see! After the technology learning curve(!), we all sat around the TV and watched these three amazing children making paper aeroplanes with their foster carer! Because the photos we did have of them were photocopies of poor quality pictures that were a year old, they looked completely different. I wouldn't have recognised them if I bumped into them in the street! They were beautiful, happy, contented and very well looked after. They looked so much like us it was unbelievable and the two boys looked just like my younger nephew - it was spooky. In terms of looks, we couldn't have had a better match! I was in awe of these three little people and I did have a couple of 'cold feet' moments when I thought OMG we are going to be responsible for all three of these children! They were so bubbly and chatty, playing very nicely, it was a joy to watch. So we watched it again!
The social workers said the foster carer was very experienced and would be brilliant at preparing and moving them on. So we are very relieved, as we have heard horror stories about how some minority of foster carers don't want the children to move and and so don't prepare them properly or go out of their way to mess up introductions. It's shocking, as moving on the children is part of their job that they get paid to do. Like I said, it is a small minority and we weren't sure what she would be like, but now we know and we are very happy indeed!
Whilst we were watching the video, I showed our social worker the plans I had for the introduction books for the children. My feeling was that they didn't think much of them and gave me lots of other ideas, so it's back to the drawing board. The 'Tomy Talking Baby Photo Album' was mentioned and that has been mentioned numerous times on the Adoption UK message boards so I think some more investigation is needed.
They also asked us if at any time we had wanted to pull out and we said no but that the process was very long and we suffered emotionally quite a lot when there were long gaps between activity. That was the hardest thing to do and we said that we think they shouldn't have contacted us so early the second time around. Let's hope they bear it in mind if they are in the same situation again. Then we asked if we could have copies of the photos and video and they said no because we haven't been to matching panel yet. I was very sad but knew it was the right thing to do.
They finally left at 6.20 after the meeting was supposed to start at 3pm and then our social worker asked us some questions like how did we feel now we have seen the children and are we happy to proceed - um that's a big fat yes lol After wrapping up, our social worker left at about 6.45 and we got our shoes on and walked to our favourite restaurant where we celebrated with a lovely meal and glass or two something rather nice :)
In the mean time the family finding social worker had got a list the list of questions back from the foster carer that we had asked for, which was brilliant and we hadn't expected to get them back. She answered all our (97 - yes 97! Thanks everyone on AUK who contributed to the list!) questions and this gave us a wonderful 'picture' of what the children are like. You may remember that the information we have on the children is a year old, so we were expecting some changes. Most of the changes are positive, like Tidge's (the middlie) feeding issues have improved and so on. A couple of things have surprised us, such as thinking Midge (the oldie) is in school but he is in fact in nursery. Also, Squidge (the littlie) is certainly no baby any more, as he is running around!
As we were going through the list, the children's social worker arrived and Mungo made more tea! Then they ran through all the questions that were asked of us back in July when we first met the family finding social worker and the children's previous social worker. A couple of minor things had changed, one of which was the school choice we have since made. As we haven't yet met with the nursery or received a nursery report we can't make the final decision anyway. We also talked about whether we wanted to meet the birth parents and we agreed that we would. The last contact between the children and their parents is coming up soon and we are disappointed that it is going to be held in one of our favourite photo-taking places. But at least we know and we will ensure that we never go there by accident and risk bringing up lots of sad memories. Bit sad really.
Then came the time for our social worker to do her stuff! (Yes we had three social workers around the table all at the same time!) She asked lots of questions about the paperwork that was outstanding and meeting dates that still needed putting in the diary. The children's paperwork still needs to be updated; the CPR's for Midge and Tidge are done, just need Squidge's completing. Their annual medicals are due this month so we are hoping that they will be done before we meet the medical adviser, so we can discuss up-to-date information. We have a meeting pencilled in for 12th March (a week today) to meet with the foster carer and a representative from the nursery. And last, but by no means least, a date for panel. They confirmed that we will be going to matching panel on 9th April! Yay! Let's hope it is third time lucky!
We also talked about finances and what support they are likely to give us. Basically, it is likely to be £250 per child as a settling in allowance and expenses for introductions. Their adoption allowance (like Child Benefit) is means tested so it is unlikely that we will get anything. Our social worker said she might try to squeeze them on that, because I have given up work and intend to do so for a few years and the more money we get in the longer it will be before I have to go back to work and that's a massive benefit for the children. They might pay for a cleaner for a month or two and they might pay for Mary's Mum's petrol for the first few weeks as she will be coming over to help out. So we shall see what of that we will get.
We also talked about feedback from the judge's summing up after the Care order and Placement Order were granted and we have been allowed to have it shared with us. So we are just waiting for our social worker to send it to us, for us to read and ask any questions on. The judge has asked that we be asked if we would be prepared to meet up with and have contact with the children's half siblings and we have said it would need to be properly risk-assessed for the benefit of the children and we don't mind either direct (face-to-face) or indirect (letterbox) contact.
It was then time to do a tour of Mungo Mansions lol and show the new social worker around the place, explaining where the kiddies bedrooms will be and how bed and bath routines will work. She was very impressed - we have a big house! Whilst Mary was doing the tour, Mungo asked the family finder approximate dates for introductions and they suggested that after waiting up to 10 days for the Decision Maker's official response, introduction planning could start as early as the week beginning 19th April with intros starting that week. They are likely to take about ten day to two weeks and so the children could be moving in at the start of May! Still speculative, but very exciting!
Then came the special bit that will make you go all goose-bumpy! They had photos and video of the children for us to see! After the technology learning curve(!), we all sat around the TV and watched these three amazing children making paper aeroplanes with their foster carer! Because the photos we did have of them were photocopies of poor quality pictures that were a year old, they looked completely different. I wouldn't have recognised them if I bumped into them in the street! They were beautiful, happy, contented and very well looked after. They looked so much like us it was unbelievable and the two boys looked just like my younger nephew - it was spooky. In terms of looks, we couldn't have had a better match! I was in awe of these three little people and I did have a couple of 'cold feet' moments when I thought OMG we are going to be responsible for all three of these children! They were so bubbly and chatty, playing very nicely, it was a joy to watch. So we watched it again!
The social workers said the foster carer was very experienced and would be brilliant at preparing and moving them on. So we are very relieved, as we have heard horror stories about how some minority of foster carers don't want the children to move and and so don't prepare them properly or go out of their way to mess up introductions. It's shocking, as moving on the children is part of their job that they get paid to do. Like I said, it is a small minority and we weren't sure what she would be like, but now we know and we are very happy indeed!
Whilst we were watching the video, I showed our social worker the plans I had for the introduction books for the children. My feeling was that they didn't think much of them and gave me lots of other ideas, so it's back to the drawing board. The 'Tomy Talking Baby Photo Album' was mentioned and that has been mentioned numerous times on the Adoption UK message boards so I think some more investigation is needed.
They also asked us if at any time we had wanted to pull out and we said no but that the process was very long and we suffered emotionally quite a lot when there were long gaps between activity. That was the hardest thing to do and we said that we think they shouldn't have contacted us so early the second time around. Let's hope they bear it in mind if they are in the same situation again. Then we asked if we could have copies of the photos and video and they said no because we haven't been to matching panel yet. I was very sad but knew it was the right thing to do.
They finally left at 6.20 after the meeting was supposed to start at 3pm and then our social worker asked us some questions like how did we feel now we have seen the children and are we happy to proceed - um that's a big fat yes lol After wrapping up, our social worker left at about 6.45 and we got our shoes on and walked to our favourite restaurant where we celebrated with a lovely meal and glass or two something rather nice :)
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
03-Mar 2010
Schools! One thing I didn't mention is that when our social worker came to see us on the 8th February she said we could start looking for a school for Midge. Midge is of school age and currently in school full time, so when he moves in he will need to go to school pretty soon after. We have been looking at schools in and around where we live and there are a few he could go to. For those of you reading who are new the the schools adimission policy, looked after children or children in care go to the top of the waiting list for school admissions and schools can and do take these children even when the school is full! So remember that!
It was brilliant visiting the schools and talking about 'our children'. It was wonderful and exciting to finally be doing something specifically relating to these children. It was amazing to feel and sound like a Mum and Dad - goosebumps! It also felt really fake talking about children that we have never met as if they have lived with us forever. Such bizarre feelings! In reality in our minds they have been with us for several months, we just need to get them here physically!
Introductions book and DVD. Yes, that 'gulp' time! Our social worker also discussed with us that we need to start making an introductions book and DVD. These will be the books that each child will have that introduces us to them. So, for example the oldest one will have sentences and pictures in their book, the middle one will have basic words and pictures and the baby will have mostly pictures. The pictures will be of us, our house, car, kitchen, bedrooms, local park and garden. The DVD will be about five minutes long and be of us in and around the house, with lots of talking and actions. This will get them used to our voices as well as our faces.
The third thing we will do is find out from the foster carer what is their favourite soft toy / character and buy a brand new one of those for each of them. Then we will live with the toys and put our 'smell' on them - take them to bed and cuddle them whilst watching TV for example. This will be most important for the little one as he is still quite young. Of course, whether these items are successful or not will entirely depend upon whether the foster carer does their job properly and uses them appropriately. The are supposed to use them between matching panel and introductions - about two weeks, I imagine. I have lots of stories of people who have walked into the foster carer's home for the first time to meet their children and one of them looks directly at 'Daddy' and his very first words to him are: "Daddy, you're in my book!" Or "Daddy, you're on TV!" Bless!
I have already started on the books and we need to do a script for the DVD, but for now we have put that on hold until we have a date for matching panel. If it's not until May then the garden will look greener and more inviting in a few weeks time so we can hold off taking pictures until nearer the time. Well that's it for now, roll on tomorrow when we hope we will have some more information to tell you all.
It was brilliant visiting the schools and talking about 'our children'. It was wonderful and exciting to finally be doing something specifically relating to these children. It was amazing to feel and sound like a Mum and Dad - goosebumps! It also felt really fake talking about children that we have never met as if they have lived with us forever. Such bizarre feelings! In reality in our minds they have been with us for several months, we just need to get them here physically!
Introductions book and DVD. Yes, that 'gulp' time! Our social worker also discussed with us that we need to start making an introductions book and DVD. These will be the books that each child will have that introduces us to them. So, for example the oldest one will have sentences and pictures in their book, the middle one will have basic words and pictures and the baby will have mostly pictures. The pictures will be of us, our house, car, kitchen, bedrooms, local park and garden. The DVD will be about five minutes long and be of us in and around the house, with lots of talking and actions. This will get them used to our voices as well as our faces.
The third thing we will do is find out from the foster carer what is their favourite soft toy / character and buy a brand new one of those for each of them. Then we will live with the toys and put our 'smell' on them - take them to bed and cuddle them whilst watching TV for example. This will be most important for the little one as he is still quite young. Of course, whether these items are successful or not will entirely depend upon whether the foster carer does their job properly and uses them appropriately. The are supposed to use them between matching panel and introductions - about two weeks, I imagine. I have lots of stories of people who have walked into the foster carer's home for the first time to meet their children and one of them looks directly at 'Daddy' and his very first words to him are: "Daddy, you're in my book!" Or "Daddy, you're on TV!" Bless!
I have already started on the books and we need to do a script for the DVD, but for now we have put that on hold until we have a date for matching panel. If it's not until May then the garden will look greener and more inviting in a few weeks time so we can hold off taking pictures until nearer the time. Well that's it for now, roll on tomorrow when we hope we will have some more information to tell you all.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
23-Feb 2010
We had the meeting with our social worker and her peers yesterday. The first piece of news to tell you is that matching panel is definitely cancelled and has not been rescheduled. Because there are still all these meetings to be booked and held, it may not be rescheduled until April or May as the local authority only holds matching panel once a month :(
The meeting went very well. All the social workers had read the (old) paperwork and were up to speed with the facts as we know them so far. We discussed how good a match it was (looking at what the children need and what we can offer) and they all recommended that the match was very good. We looked at why those children and what we like about them. We looked at the support packages that we want the local authority to provide - obviously some negotiations to be had there! We looked at theraputic packages (e.g. theraplay / counselling for the children and us if needed), financial packages (e.g. settling-in allowance - a one off payment per child such as £200, adoption allowance - £10 per month per child), expences for introductions (e.g. hotel, petrol and subsidence costs) and so on. By the way the figures quoted are just ideas, we may get more or we might not get anything!
The local authority is obliged to provide what has been agreed in the support package for the first three years after placement (when the children come to live with us). Then any support needed after that comes back to our local authority. just because it has been agreed doesn't automatically mean we get it - we have to prove that it is needed and that's where our agency will be able to support us with that.
So we left the meeting happy that the match is a good one and disappointed that we had no further dates in the diary. A yawning abyss in front of us.
Then on the way home Mungo's phone rang, it was our social worker to say that during the meeting the children's social worker had emailed her a date for us to meet up! Wooo hooo! At last some more movement! We are to meet Midge, Tidge and Squidge's new social worker on 4th March - she has been their social worker for three months now and we havent met them yet! Apparently the delay was because she had to UPDATE the paperwork, not read it. The CPR (info on the children) is a year old, so we actually dont mind the delay because there's going to be some benefit for us. We have been waiting for the updated paperwork since November and it is a show-stopper, in that if we don't get to read it then we will refuse to go to matching panel. We don't know how the children have changed in a year.
We are still angry that matching panel has been put back but we are happy that the link is still on. We just hope the new social worker likes us when she meets us!
The meeting went very well. All the social workers had read the (old) paperwork and were up to speed with the facts as we know them so far. We discussed how good a match it was (looking at what the children need and what we can offer) and they all recommended that the match was very good. We looked at why those children and what we like about them. We looked at the support packages that we want the local authority to provide - obviously some negotiations to be had there! We looked at theraputic packages (e.g. theraplay / counselling for the children and us if needed), financial packages (e.g. settling-in allowance - a one off payment per child such as £200, adoption allowance - £10 per month per child), expences for introductions (e.g. hotel, petrol and subsidence costs) and so on. By the way the figures quoted are just ideas, we may get more or we might not get anything!
The local authority is obliged to provide what has been agreed in the support package for the first three years after placement (when the children come to live with us). Then any support needed after that comes back to our local authority. just because it has been agreed doesn't automatically mean we get it - we have to prove that it is needed and that's where our agency will be able to support us with that.
So we left the meeting happy that the match is a good one and disappointed that we had no further dates in the diary. A yawning abyss in front of us.
Then on the way home Mungo's phone rang, it was our social worker to say that during the meeting the children's social worker had emailed her a date for us to meet up! Wooo hooo! At last some more movement! We are to meet Midge, Tidge and Squidge's new social worker on 4th March - she has been their social worker for three months now and we havent met them yet! Apparently the delay was because she had to UPDATE the paperwork, not read it. The CPR (info on the children) is a year old, so we actually dont mind the delay because there's going to be some benefit for us. We have been waiting for the updated paperwork since November and it is a show-stopper, in that if we don't get to read it then we will refuse to go to matching panel. We don't know how the children have changed in a year.
We are still angry that matching panel has been put back but we are happy that the link is still on. We just hope the new social worker likes us when she meets us!
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
17-Feb 2010
After the meeting with our social worker on 8th February we were expecting a flurry of phone calls and meeting dates to get the ball rolling. Well, we have heard nothing - we are not surprised but very disappointed. Mungo contacted our social worker yesterday to ask what was going on but she was out of the office so he called her back this morning. She has advised that she has heard nothing at all. There are no dates in the diary for any meetings. She also conceded that the panel date of 5th March was looking dodgy.
The children have a new social worker and apparently they need more time to read the paperwork. Now here's the thing: this social worker has been their social worker since December as far as we know. They took the case to court in February for the Care Order and Placement Order to be granted. So what on earth is it that they need to read that wasn't pertinent for the court case??!? <--- The amount of punctuation show the amount of anger and frustration we are feeling!
We found out some interesting news about half siblings: following the court case, the judge wants us to maintain contact with them and we are happy with that as it will only be letterbox. Put it this way, if it's face-to-face then we will say no, because these half siblings apparently still have contact with birth mum and we need to keep the whereabouts of Midge, Tidge and Squidge safe from the birth family.
We have a meeting on 22nd February with our social worker and two of her peers, to go through the paperwork we have and identify anything that might be missing or identify anything that might be a show-stopper to matching panel. Some movement at last.
This should be a fantastic part of the process, very exciting and nervy, but we are angry and frustrated; it is getting us both down and we are really struggling with it all. :(
The children have a new social worker and apparently they need more time to read the paperwork. Now here's the thing: this social worker has been their social worker since December as far as we know. They took the case to court in February for the Care Order and Placement Order to be granted. So what on earth is it that they need to read that wasn't pertinent for the court case??!? <--- The amount of punctuation show the amount of anger and frustration we are feeling!
We found out some interesting news about half siblings: following the court case, the judge wants us to maintain contact with them and we are happy with that as it will only be letterbox. Put it this way, if it's face-to-face then we will say no, because these half siblings apparently still have contact with birth mum and we need to keep the whereabouts of Midge, Tidge and Squidge safe from the birth family.
We have a meeting on 22nd February with our social worker and two of her peers, to go through the paperwork we have and identify anything that might be missing or identify anything that might be a show-stopper to matching panel. Some movement at last.
This should be a fantastic part of the process, very exciting and nervy, but we are angry and frustrated; it is getting us both down and we are really struggling with it all. :(
Monday, 8 February 2010
08-Feb 2010
Today saw the visit of our social worker for the first time in ages - basically because there wasn't anything to meet about! Well now there is :D !! We talked about the next step and the likely dates for introductions (early April). We have meetings to attend and an introductions book to make. This is the book that the children (who will get one each) will be given to introduce us to them. The foster carer will be given them after matching panel, for her to use to help them to get used to us. They will be the children's own books for them to use as much as they want. We had lots of questions to ask and we had a lot of them answered. There are some that the social worker and family finder will have to answer too. And we have a list as long as your arm of questions for the foster carer! Roll on 5th March!
Friday, 5 February 2010
05-Feb 2010
THE CARE ORDER AND PLACEMENT ORDER HAVE BEEN GRANTED!!!!! Wooo hooo!!! You don't know how happy and relieved we are!!!
The final hurdle of matching panel is pencilled in for 5th March. We have a meeting on Monday to plan meetings with foster carer, eldest's school, new social worker and pediatrician. Hopefully, we will have all the meetings before matching panel.
Thanks everyone for all your support and best wishes. Have a GREAT weekend!!!!!
The final hurdle of matching panel is pencilled in for 5th March. We have a meeting on Monday to plan meetings with foster carer, eldest's school, new social worker and pediatrician. Hopefully, we will have all the meetings before matching panel.
Thanks everyone for all your support and best wishes. Have a GREAT weekend!!!!!
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