Friday, 20 April 2012

Really my last post now!

Its only taken 2 years of legal battles, five years of constant social worker intrusion, 8 years of trying and 25 years of dreaming, but we got there in the end. The adoption orders have been made and we are absolutely thrilled to be 'legally' a forever family.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

06-May 2010

Post number 90 and my last post.

We picked them up at 9.30 and gave the FC a card, flowers, chocolates and photo frame from them.  We met their social worker and signed our lives away!  We picked up the last few bits and pieces, then said our goodbyes.  I thought I was going to blub big time but I didn’t.  FC held it together well, she is a strong lady!

We then drove home without a peep from them all - mainly due to Tom and Jerry on the car DVD!  We had a relaxing morning in the lounge playing with toys and then lunch of Midge’s favourite – sandwiches!  We popped to the shops to pick up some bits and then into the garden.  Midge didn’t follow Mumma’s instructions and so had to stay in with her for some time-in whilst she unpacked the shopping and tidied up.  A bit later on he said sorry of his own accord, so he is realising what is happening.  We then had tea – meatballs, sweetcorn and rice yummy!

Then we did the first full bath and bedtime routine here.  We chucked them all in the bath together and they all loved it.  They each chose a bedtime story and we read to them.  Then it was time for Squidge’s bottle and into bed for them all.  Midge wouldn’t stop talking, Tidge screamed for a while and needed Daddy’s hand for a while.  Squidge went off in 2 minutes flat!  We have sussed Midge and Squidge so we need to work on Tidge – but it’s only the first night!  Let’s hope they don’t wake until the morning – ha haa!

Thanks for all your support over these 10 days and the previous few years.  I have loved every minute of writing my blog.  We have had such fantastic feedback from you wonderful readers and if it wasn't for you all I might not have continued sometimes.  It has been a three year adoption slog on top of two years naturally trying and two years / four cycles of IVF.  We have had the worst journey bar none and many times I wondered if any of it was going to be worth it.  When I kissed our children goodnight tonight for the first time in their new beds in their forever home, the pain, heartache and blackness was wiped away in an instant.  We are a family at last.  Lots of love from Mary, Mungo, Midge, Tidge and Squidge xxxxx

Our journey

Jul 03 We started dating, after knowing each other as colleagues for a few years
Dec 03 Started trying for a family
Feb 04 Got engaged and bought our house
Feb 05 Got married
Aug 05 Started IVF
Nov 06 Stopped IVF after 4 ICSI cycles
Apr 07 Decided to adopt so applied to agency
Jul 07 Application accepted
Nov 07 Prep groups completed
Mar 08 Home study completed
Aug 08 Approved to adopt a sibling group of 2-3 children aged 6 and under. Actively looking for children
Dec 08 / Jan 09 Potential link with a sibling group of three; due to the decision to split up the boys we decided not to proceed
Mar 09 / Apr 09 Potential link with a sibling group of three; the social workers went with another couple who were geographically closer and more able to reflect their cultural identity
Apr 09 / Jul 09 Linked with a sibling group of three. Received reports: Children's Permanence Report, medical, foster carers and nursery
. Met with children's social worker and their agency's Family Finding social worker. Officially linked on 9th July. On 24th July birth family no longer support the plan for adoption, have their own plan and are in a much stronger position than they were. The court date is set for February. Due to the uncertainty of the outcome and the 6-month wait we decided not to proceed
Aug 09 We had a break from family finding for a month following a failed link. We are looking at ways to make ourselves better known to social workers and had our one year review on 27th August.

Sep 09 We have become more proactive in contacting social workers and have updated our profile.  This has lead to three sets of social workers being interested in us and paperwork has been swapped.
Oct 09  We had a meeting on 13th October with social workers regarding a sibling group of two and were not successful.  We decided to take a short break from blogging
Nov 09  Re-linked with group of three that failed in July - yayy!  Placement order to be granted in February
Dec 09  Awaiting outcome of interim court hearing
Jan 10  Still awaiting outcome of interim court hearing
Feb 10  Care Order and Placement Order granted.  Matching panel was pencilled in for 5th March but subsequently cancelled
Mar 10  Matching panel due 9th April.  Met foster carer, nursery school teacher and Medical Adviser
Apr 10  Matched to three children under the age of five - extremely relived and happy  Introductions start 27th April
May 10  Introductions for 10 days, brought home our Midge, Tidge and Squidge on 6th May 2010 - THE END!

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

05-May 2010

Picked up our beautiful babies at 11 then back home for the day.  We had lunch, went to the park and the local shop - first outing for the pram, which worked a treat.  Midge has a habit of running off and not listening to us, so he spent some time holding Mumma's hand.  We bought flowers and a card for the foster carer, along with the photo frame and box of choccies we already had for her.  The children picked the flowers they wanted to give her - well, Midge did actually, as the others weren't paying attention,  When I say picked, I do mean chose from the bucket in the shop - not picked out of some random garden along the way lol  We met a friend of mine on the way back who said we all looked great walking together and she had tears in her eyes which started me off!  We then played in the garden and Daddy took lots of pictures.

Then we had dinner and they had their first bath in their new home, daddy read a bedtime story and then it was back to FC in their PJ's!  All of them fell asleep on the way back, so cute!  We had a cuppa with the FC and talked about the day.  She gave us a card and one for the children from her and one from the 'transport people' - the people who took the children to contact, etc.  We picked up all their clothes and the last remaining toys and bits.  The we came home, it was the last time we drove home without them.  We are picking them up tomorrow at 9.30 then bringing them home forever :D xxxxx

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

04-May 2010

Rest day ha haaa!  We were out of the house at 8.30 for the review meeting on our rest day.  It went really well, the foster carer was ace, she gave good and positive feedback.  We and she just cannot believe how well intros have gone and we are expecting it all to go pear shaped at some point soon!  Or maybe it's just meant to be this great.  The FC did point out that they rarely ALL have off days as the same time, so when one is grumpy the others are usually fine.  Everything is still set for them to move in on Thursday :D !!!!!  It can't come soon enough!

so our rest day was a 7.30 alarm call, a meeting over there, back home, finalising shopping, washing, gardening and a review with our social worker (who couldn't make the morning meeting) until 6pm!

Saw them for an hour today, it was very hard to leave.  Tidge screamed the house down when we left, Midge sulked and Squidge wasn't too happy either!  When we got home I got really emotional about having left them and had a few tears of my own.

We don't need to be there until 11 tomorrow, so we do have a bit of a lie-in - our last one for some time!  My sore throat is getting better, so let's hope it's gone by the morning!

03-May 2010

Well, what a week! Best week of our lives - ever! we are just so lucky that we found these children, they are amazing and beautiful and funny and happy! call me biased, I know :D

oh and i never thought i would love anyone more than my husband but there are three little people who might be just a little bit higher in my affections than him!

We were up at 5.30 to get there by breakfast and do the feeding, then dressed and out to come home - without FC!  its was a rainy day so we staying in for the morning.  we visited the new bedrooms again and Tidge seems to have accepted her new bed and wardrobe. Midge is saying 'my bed', 'my new home', and '[name of FC]'s house', this is brilliant, we are so pleased!  Mumma prepared the new curtains and made the beds whilst Daddy sorted the curtain poles. lovely domesticated bliss :D

we then spent the rest of the morning playing with cars.  They play so well together, Midge is a bit boisterous but generally they follow instructions very well.

we made the mistake of telling Midge what he was having for lunch and he said he didn't want it, then he refused to eat it and said he didn't like chicken nuggets. the irony is that chicken nuggets was what he had wanted the other day, which he didn't get and then stropped about not getting them! u gotta larf! the other two ate well and then we all had fruit for dessert. daddy and i are eating much more healthily, at the right times and reducing our portion sizes. we think we have nearly nailed the eating routine, FC says give them a massive breakfast, cos they will ALWAYS eat then and then if they are fussy in the day u wont worry so much.

In the afternoon it was a bit dryer so we took them into the garden to play with the outdoor toys that we have been very generously given by friends. at first we started interacting like we did the other day, then remembered to let them get on with it! midge had a difficult time at one point and Mumma had to intervene, there were tears from him and it was upsetting for all three of us (the little two were playing) but we got there. Mumma and Midge had a kiss and a cuddle to make it all okay. FC says they don't hold a grudge, once they have sulked or screamed they happily get on with it.

Daddy and Mumma got a bit niggly with each other (out of earshot) but that's not surprising given the amount of sleep we have been getting lately. i think we have done very well considering everything we have been thru! its brought us closer together for sure, because we are thinking as a couple not as individuals - but that's what the adoption process forces you into. we are both loving it and feeling happy

We took them back to FC for tea, bed and bath-time routine, Midge stropped because he only had two bedtime stories. we then had a long chat with FC about progress and the lack of concern showed by any social worker. we haven't heard from any social worker in the whole week. as we were talking, our social worker texted me - her ears were obviously burning then!  We didn't leave there until gone 8 and then it was more or less straight to bed when we got home.

Today (Tuesday) is our rest day. I say 'rest' but we have to be back over to near the FC for our review meeting at 9.30, we pop in to see the kiddiewinks for an hour and then have a visit from our social worker at our place at 4pm. we also have to buy a present for the FC and catch up with household chores like washing and some shopping bits. no rest for us then! to top it all, Mumma woke up at 4.45 with a raging sore throat and couldn't get back to sleep :(

Sunday, 2 May 2010

02-May 2010

It was another early morning, picked by Daddy to come to visit the house for the first time, along with FC.  We played with some toys they brought over (and then left here) and we spent quite a bit of time telling Squidge not to touch things in the lounge, so we need to have a think about whether to change it about or leave it and take the pain of constant ‘no’s’.  They loved their rooms, Midge wanted to go to sleep in his new bed!  FC thought they were great too and thought they would be very happy in them.

Then it was time for lunch: a shepherd’s pie, lovingly prepared by Mumma.  And you know what?  None of them touched it  :(  Midge did eventually eat his though, it took over an hour, because he ate his peas one at a time!!  Then we had fruit and yoghurt and they lapped it up!  So I guess at least they had something healthy to eat.  Then we had a lovely afternoon playing cars on the carpet.  Unfortunately, because of the heavy rain it was too wet to go and play in the garden, so we were a little bit stir crazy in the house.  But compared to the size of the FC’s house we did pretty well!

Daddy made sandwiches for tea, and Mumma made her famous five minute chocolate cake, which went down very well.  Lesson Number Four:  Serve up hot food and THEN get them to wash their hands, so that the food has time to cool down!  We realised it was getting very late so Mumma drove them home and brought back MORE toys!

Someone mentioned today that we must be exhausted.  I replied, “Exhausted? That's putting it mildly lol!  After yesterday's activities I found muscles hurting this morning that I didn't know I had! We have to be out of here by 6.15 tomorrow morning to pick them up and bring them home, then will be taking them back, doing the bedtime routine and won't be leaving there until at least 7pm!”

Four more sleeps until they are home for good – we are itching to keep them at home now, it can't come soon enough!