28-Nov

"What's this?"  I hear you cry!  "A post from Mary?"   "Yes, tis I!"  I reply.  :D

Here's a snapshot of what we have been up to since mid October:

• When I last made an update this is where we were with family finding: Group one - meeting on 30th October.  Group two - family finding underway mid November.  Group three - family finding to start in January
• Group one: we decided not to go ahead with the meeting as it was too soon after our previous knockback
• Groups two and three: we have heard nothing
• We were given the paperwork on a set of three children which we read and felt that we could progress them.  We are awaiting a response from their social worker
• We found a sibling group of two in the Be My Parent publication and asked for further information on those.

This is were we were up to until we had a meeting with our social worker on Wednesday.  We had a request to meet with our social worker, which is unusual as we don't meet up unless there is something specific to address, so our curiosity was piqued.  She advised that she needed to "discuss where we are with family finding and to give updates."  Little did we know that she had a little surprise in store for us.

Readers of this blog may recall that we had a link with a group of three children earlier in the year that fell through because the birth family came up with some devious plan to syphon money from the state by way of claiming for 'items' to keep the children within the wider family network.  The judge decided that this 'plan' required assessment and the social workers felt that it would probably go ahead.  So with the heaviest of hearts we pulled out :(

At the latest court hearing for the assessment of the plan it was reported that the plan had fallen through as the wider family have decided not to progress the Special Guardianship.  The birth parents now want their own assessment done again and this assessment will be carried out as a paper exercise and will be submitted for the next interim court case in late December.  The feeling is that because a paper exercise is to be carried out it is not going to carry any weight.  The judge said that the birth family have now had enough chances and that the children had been in care long enough.  He (I am assuming it was a he) wanted to grant the Placement Order straight away!  Because of legal formalities it won't happen like that, so the original date of the final hearing in February still stands.  And, for now, nothing stands in the way of it being granted.  Yes we have heard that one before!

So the children's social workers have started family finding again and true to their word they have come to us first and asked if we would still be interested in them.  They have still got us earmarked as the only family they are interested in and they won't do any more family finding unless we say no.  We said we are still interested, but as we have been here before we will continue to family find until the Placement Order has been granted. Our social worker supports that decision.

On the one hand this is fabulous news, the best ever and we were jumping up and down! And on the other we were treating it with extreme caution because we had our fingers badly burnt.  There is a lot of time between now and February with the potential for it all to go wrong again.  Because we said we would continue family finding, our social worker gave us some information on a group of two children.  It has been sat on the side for two days and Mary can't look at it.  Why?  Because we feel we would be comparing them with with the original three.

So we have had a rethink; we spoken some more with our social worker and got some additional information from the family finding social worker.  We have decided not to continue family finding at all and to give ourselves 100% to these children.  We feel that it would not be fair on other children and social workers if we continue family finding, as we would just be comparing them with these three.  When we originally told our social worker we wanted to continue family finding she felt that we would not be giving 100% to any other children and she would feel uncomfortable forwarding information to us. So she prefers our latest decision.

So after everything that has happened we are now in the same situation as we were on the afternoon of the 24th July, the day of the bombshell.  We are 100% committed to Midge, Tidge and Squidge ;)  We have the interim hearing late December and the final court hearing early February.  There may not be very much to update you on as the weeks go by so I will try to update you on our friends' journeys (completely anonymously, of course) and general adoption information.

Signing off for now a happy bunny!

Break before we break

After another knockback Mary has decided to take a break from blogging and the AUK message boards.  It is all getting too much for now.  We will still carry on family finding and we hope to continue the blog when we have firm and good news.  For now having to recieve and then give bad news so often is draining both of us.  We are going away for Mary's birthday in a few weeks time and then there's the dreaded Cristmas and New Year being on our own - again.  Maybe the new year will bring fresh optimish and a fresh start.

For now, our heartfelt thanks to everyone who has read this blog, to those who have commented and to those who have been there on the end of the phone, computer or in person when we needed them.  I will be publishing comments for those of you who wish to leave any but it is unikely that I will be adding any new posts for now.

So long, and the very best of luck in your adoption journeys.

18-Oct

Family finding:

We had feedback from our social worker regarding the meeting on the 13th.  They liked us very much indeed but felt that the other couple had more experience of a medical issue than we did, so they have gone with them.  They have said that they have a group of children who are likely to be available for adoption in the new year and would like to consider us for them.  Our social worker said she would bear it in mine.  There is, after all a long period of time between now and then where anything can happen.  Our social worker has given us details of another set of children and would like to visit us on the 30th October.  This is one of the social workers that we sent our profile out to, so it obviously works!  Mungo is reading the paperwork right now and Mary had already formed an opinion as to what she woudl like to do.  I think our social worker feels that it may be too soon after this last knockback and she feels that maybe we are just going with each of these meetings because they have been requested rather than because we like the children.  So we need to think carefully about what we are going to do next.

So to recap: Group one - meeting on 30th October.  Group two - family finding underway mid November.  Group three - family finding to start in January. 

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - passed with a Distiction - yayyy!

Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – fourth and final assignment score was a massive 94%!!!  Well done Mungo!  The exam date was 14th October - awaiting result.  MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course started 3rd October.

Blog Action Day

http://www.blogactionday.org/

Because this is not related to the theme of this blog I won't be discussing the topic on this blog.  However, I do feel it is an important issue, so have dedicated this post to it.  Thanks to Roo for highlighting it.

Michael Buble - Haven't met you yet

Sent to me by a very caring and considerate person: joansetter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyOLT7MCNZs

I’m not surprised
Not everything lasts
I’ve broken my heart so many times,
I stop keeping track.
Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
And then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I’ll get so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet
Mmmm....

I might have to wait
I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timing
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility
Mmmm......

And somehow I know that it will all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid I’ll get so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
And in love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right
And we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility
Mmmm.....

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I’ll work to work it out
Promise you kid I’ll get more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to get so much more than I get
Yeah I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love, love, love, love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love, love, love.....
I just haven't met you yet
 

13-Oct to 19-Oct

Family finding:
Sorry for no update last week.  Mary chased up the online group again, after having seen them in one of the paper publications.  Apparently they are to start family finding in November so we wait again.  On Friday (9th) we went to a family-finding event where local authorities advertise children that they are unable to place.  We saw four groups that we were interested in and narrowed it down to one group; we gave our social worker their details.  We have agreed to wait until after the outcome of the social worker meeting on Tuesday (13th) before we decide whether to progress them.

Camping update:  we camped in our back garden and it was brilliant.  We pretended we were in a camp site and we set everything up and cooked meals and washed up, etc.  It was great fun!  We found that we didn't need the dustpan and brush that Mary had packed but we did need the wardrobe / shelf unit that Mungo said we didn't need and we needed another table that neither of us thought we would need. So we were both pleased all in all, if a little achey the next morning!  We also realised that double glazing is worth every penny - we thought our little estate was quiet but the traffic and general noises were really loud!  The weather was lovely, it rained a bit in the morning for about 20 minutes or so, and then it cleared up into a beautiful day.

13-Oct: After Mary spent days turning the house practically upside-down re-arranging the upstairs rooms and freecycling all our junk we were ready to face the next set of social workers.  They are interviewing us about a sibling group of two: a girl and boy.  Ding ding!  Round Three!  They arrived and asked who the main carer was going to be; when Mary said it was her they asked her all the questions and didn't ask Mungo a single one all the way through!  Our social worker commented that it was unusual and we noticed it too.  We shared answering the question and asking our own questions together, but still they directed all the questions at Mary!  Really weird!  It did make Mary feel uncomfortable and very nervous at first.  We answered all their questions and felt very happy with our answers.  We showed them around the house and expained how the rooms would work out if birth mum had another child and we agreed to take it on.  They seemed to like us, however, it's a competitive link, which means another couple have also been interviewed.  This means that even though the like us, they may not like us as much as the others.  Or should I say that we may not have more to offer the chilren than the others AND what we / they have to offer may not be the best that the social workers think they can find for the children.  They may turn both of us down and carry on looking!  When they left we felt that we had done the very best we could and our social worker was very pleased with us too.  They have a meeting on Thursday and we are expecting to hear in the afternoon.  Only one more sleep and several more agonising hours waiting then!

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - passed with a Distinction - yayyy!
Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – fourth and final assignment score was a massive 94%!!!  Well done Mungo!  The exam date is 14th October - Mungo is sitting the exam as Mary types!  MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course started 3rd October.

29-Sep to 05-Oct

Family finding:
Sorry for no contact lately; we have been busy and Mary is feeling a bit deflated with it all, having a hard time and feeling like the stuffing has been knocked out of her.  We are going to ring our social worker on Wednesday or Thursday if we have heard nothing from her.  Mary has been chasing up some of those seven original proactive leads.  Two are dead leads as the children have been linked.  One has had no contact at all and we have decided not to continue.  One has had the original email opened but nothing further, we probably won't go with that one either.  The other three our social worker has received / swapped paperwork on.  An eighth group we saw on the online version of the publication had contacted us in early September to say they will start family-finding in a couple of weeks.

So in the mean time we have started two projects: 1)  A greenhouse / lean-to which we will buy and put up over the winter, when we have tidied up the garden and 2)  Camping!  Yes we have bought a load of stuff to go with the tent and the weekend after next we are going to do a dry run in the back garden!

01-Oct:  We received a phone call this morning from our social worker about the sibling group of two that she had phoned us about last week.  Their social workers want to meet us on the 13th October; they are also visiting another couple.  Yes we have been here three times before and every time we get the phone call a little bit less of me / us gets excited.

02-Oct:  Mary has chased up the online group as it has been more than two weeks since hearing anything.
 
Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - sat exam on 16th September, awaiting result.
Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

September

We have amended and updated our A4 profile and sent it out to seven social workers; we got a reply almost straight away from one of them and they are interested in us! Early days still but at least some movement in the right direction! We feel much more in control now.

Our social worker is on holiday so we are dealing with a two-week enforced break.


We have had various contacts and swapped paperwork on three groups of children, with another one in the pipeline.  Again, more movement, albeit sloooooooow!

22-Sep to 28-Sep

Family finding:
Today (22nd) we received a phone call from our social worker about a sibling group of two that we had identified in one of the publications when Mary was being all proactive!  They are interested in swapping paperwork , so our social worker did that on the day.  She also asked us if we would be interested in a 9, 6 and 5 year old sibling group, so we said no as they are too old. 

Home and cars:
No updates.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - sat exam on 16th September, awaiting result.  Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

15-Sep to 21-Sep

Family finding:
We are awaiting our social worker to return from holiday to advise us if there has been any movement on four possibilities we are looking at. Mary was almost in the papers and on TV in the last couple of days following requests for people who are adopting. The newspaper reporter didn't ring back and the TV people decided to go with someone who had already adopted. Oh well, maybe another day; it was very exciting at the time though!

Tuesday PM: Last night I had a bit of a wobbler. Three things happened that made me get upset and made me feel like the universe was rubbing my face in it for being childless. 1). After the excitement I had with nearly being famous yesterday, I spent the afternoon thinking that it was flaming typical that a family with children was being chosen over someone without childen. It's hard enough being at the bottom of the 'child pile', but to be turned down for being childless wasn't really very helpful of the TV people, they didn't think that one through. 2). I gave away a book I had been given by my nephews when they were really little. It's called, "Pregnancy, Conception and Childbirth." My sister bought it for me when we were trying to conceive. I had tried to give it away on Freecycle a year ir two before but no-one would take it. This time someone did, and when they came to pick it up they asked me if it had been useful. I found myself lying and saying how great it had been. I couldn't tell her the truth. 3). A few minutes later I found myself dealing with this: I bought something from eBay on 30th August and it hasn't arrived yet, so after repeated attempts to email and phone the seller, I started a case on their resolution centre. Never having done that before, I was nervous that I hadn't given them ample opportunity to respond so I gave them one last call. Lo and behold, they answered. They were not very forthcoming and kept making excuses about it never happening before, etc. Then they said they would ring the Post Office and call me back first thing (which they never did!). As her last remark, she said it had been very hectic because she was due to have a baby in a couple of weeks - red rag to a bull. It was all I could do to stop myself shouting something nasty down the phone at her. I won't type what I was thinking, but I guess anyone in a similar position to me knows darn well what it was! I did't realise being pregnant was on the list of reasons that ebay provides for non-delivery of items. Hmmm... So poor old Mungo got the brunt of it when he got home. I started off by saying I was feeling a bit uneasy, a bit jumpy and when I started to talk I just grabbed him and started crying into his chest. It doesn't help with it being a particular time in the month, so to speak (which always gets me upset) and I have got an exam tomorrow, so it's all got a bit too much for me.

Home and cars:
No updates.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - finished studying and half way through revision - exam date is 16th September - tomorrow!! Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

08-Sep to 14-Sep

Family finding:
We have amended and updated our A4 profile and sent it out to seven social workers. We had one reply stating that the children have already been linked but he will keep our paperwork. Rang the second social worker, who advised that they are no longer taking enquiries for these children at this point. Two further emails were opened and we got a reply almost straight away from one of them and they are interested in us! Two social workers are on holiday and one email hasn't yet been opened. Early days still but at least some movement in the right direction! We feel much more in control now.

Wednesday: We had a phone call from our social worker, who advises that she has heard from one of the social workers that we hadn't (the one who had opened the email but not responded back to us) and they have swapped paperwork. She has also had some information from the social worker who contacted us, but it's not on the standard template, so she has asked that it be re-sent. She has asked us not to do any more family finding (like that is going to happen!) as she has those two links she is working on; also, she is going on annual leave for two weeks. So the process grinds to a halt again, it's one hold-up after another, we are always waiting for someone else to do something.

Thursday: We spotted a sibling group of three that were just published in the online version of the publication that we have just subscribed to, so I have sent them our profile.

Home and cars:
The cleaner has finished all the spring cleaning in two 3-hour sessions!

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 16th September, half way through the coursework. Mungo's courses: M255 (Java Programming) – awaiting the results of the fourth and final assignment; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – course starts 3rd October.

01-Sep to 07-Sep

Family finding:
Our annual review was last week. We are waiting for a copy of the profile they send out, to add a couple of up to date photos and jazz it up a bit. Also we will have a copy too so that we are all sending out the same info (we currently don’t send one out). We are booked on an exchange day in October and are on the distribution list for one in December. Our social worker has 3 leads she is working on at the moment and will contact us in a couple of weeks to discuss any potentials. We have identified some potentials in the last magazine and have sent the information through to her.

Tuesday PM: We have received the profile that the social workers sent out and it is wrong! It is an old version we have updated and sent back to them, it has our ages, house size and some other details wrong! Also the photo we sent has been faded out so much it looks awful. We are so glad we are able to refresh it! We have amended and updated it and sent it back. Let's hope it works! Our social worker advised that the three leads she is working on have gone quiet so she is happy for us to contact the social workers direct from those potentials we had identified. So we have sent the new profile out to two social workers (Z from 'W' - group of 3 and L from 'N' - group of 3).

Wednesday: One of the social workers - Z from 'W' (group of 3) - has replied already this morning! The children have already been linked but he will keep our paperwork. This is great because it is unheard of to have contact from a social worker if they are not interested in you for those specific children. Encouraging, but still early days.

Friday: Rang L from 'N' (group of 3), she is on leave until next Wednesday so spoke with the duty social worker. She advised that they are no longer taking enquiries for these children at this point. This means they have some possibles in mind. Back to square one as both we and our social worker have no active potential links. Mary is looking at the online version of the magazine that we get, so see if we can identify children sooner. Not all of the entries in the magazine are online, so we will continue to receive those. We have also just signed up for the other publication from BAAF, too and for their online version too.

Saturday: Received the latest AUK publication and identified some potentials. Sent out emails to five sets of social workers. Yes five! Each of these sibling groups tick all of our boxes so to speak. It's not until you read their profiles and then the full paperwork - their CPRs - that you know if they are the right ones for you. Out of these five we might expect to hear from one or maybe two social workers, if we are lucky. Out of those two, only one group might be children we would consider going onto the next stage with. Of that one, there is a one in four chance that their social workers might be interested in us - based on our previous experience. And that one might fall through for many, many reasons. Even if we do end up being matched there is a one in five chance that the match will be disrupted within the first 6 months of them living with us. Talk about the odds being stacked against us! Waiting patiently until Monday so see if any of our emails will be opened.

Monday: Two of our emails were opened! And we got a reply almost straight away from one of them! And they are interested in us! Quote: "I was very impressed by your profile and experiences with children and would love to share more information with you about the children." Sooo, out of three emails read so far, we have had two responses and one of those is an interest! Again, still early days and at least some movement in the right direction!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span and is due to do a spring clean on Thursday. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and hopes to be finished by the end of the year. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and is still half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 16th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) – Course finished, PASS! M255 (Java Programming) – the fourth and final assignment (due 17th September) has been submitted; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – registration complete, course starts 3rd October.

August

After a failed link at the end of July we have been taking some time off and are re-starting family finding.
We have been looking at ways to 'sell' ourselves better to social workers.
We had our annual review on 27th August, where we assessed the last year's family finding and to decide on the way forward. There is already so much being done and very little to improve upon; it was agreed that we just haven't yet found our Midges. We are to update the agency's profile form of us and they are to ensure we are invited to attend more family finding events. Another review is to be held in six months time if there is are no strong links in place.

25-Aug to 31-Aug

Family finding:
Our annual review was today (Thursday). It's been a month since our failed match and a year since we were approved. We have been going down the family / adoption route in one way or another for six years now and we cant believe we are still so far away from having a family. Our social worker and the agency manager are certain that we will be matched, we just need to find the right littlies. We and they seem to be all doing the right things so there isnt much else we can do. We looked through previous history and what they are doing. We are going to review the profile they send out and add a couple of up to date photos and jazz it up a bit. Also we will have a copy too so that we are all sending out the same info (we currently don’t send one out). They said they are happy for us to contact social workers to instigate the first contact and then pass the info to our social worker. They mentioned exchange days and we have been to one in 18 months, so they are going to check the next ones coming up to ensure we are invited. It looks like we could have been missed off their distribution list for info on them. We advised them of our hits on the Adoption Register, so we just need to turn those hits into s/w visits! We already subscribe to Children Who Wait (the Adoption UK's periodical of children waiting to be adopted) and actively identify potentials to our social worker, so it doesnt seem that there is much else that can be done. We have another review meeting in 6 months and then its action stations if we don’t have any solid leads then. Our social worker has 3 leads she is working on at the moment and will contact us in a couple of weeks to discuss any potentials. So, the story of our lives: back to waiting around for someone else to do something - aaarrrggghhh!!!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and hopes to be finished by the end of the year. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and is half way through number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 15th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) – Course finished, PASS! M255 (Java Programming) – the fourth and final assignment (due 17th September) has been submitted; exam date is 14th October. MT264 (Designing Applications With Visual Basic) – registration complete, course starts 3rd October.

18-Aug to 24-Aug

Family finding:
Our annual review is on the 27th August. Our social worker is comprising a list of all contacts she has had about us, so that we can see the activity in this past year. We will use the information to assess if we are looking at the 'right' children.

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and not work for the time being. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. It's just perfect for us as he will be able to work more flexibility when we have the Midges. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and has started number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 15th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) - the End of Course Assessment (ECA) score was 70% meaning the overall result for that course was 77%! Well done Mungo. M255 (Java Programming) - third assignment score was 87%; the fourth and final assignment will be submitted by 17th September.

11-Aug to 17-Aug

Family finding:
We have been taking a break from family finding following a failed link. It has been a year since we were approved, so this is a good time to assess where we are and decide how to progress our family finding. Our annual review has been booked for the 27th August. Mary has been doing some research on how we can improve our chances of finding the right children, or being found by social workers. We already subscribe to one of the two 4-weekly journals with children's information and are thinking about the value in subscribing to the other one, when most of the children are in both. We are thinking of producing an A4 colour flyer which can be used to advertise ourselves to social workers - just need a couple of decent photos! The Adoption Register is a database of children waiting to be adopted and prospective adopters looking for children. Social workers who are family finding, use it to identify potential matches for the children in their care. Mary contacted the Adoption Register to ask if there had been any 'hits' on our information in the year that we have been added and was advised that there were "too many to count". There have been several hits in August alone! This is great news, so we need to see from our social worker what has been happening with those hits to see how many, if any, have become enquiries.

12-Aug: We have spoken with our social worker to finalise details about the review meeting and she is comprising a list of all contacts she has had about us, which we can review so that we can see the activity in this past year. We took the opportunity to ask that she start family finding again. She advises that all previous potential links had been stopped, so we are starting afresh. In the last couple of weeks she has had five email enquiries about us, so she will progress those. They may all come to nothing, as it will entirely depend on the children's suitability, i.e. a sibling group of 2-3 aged 6 and under, with at least one being a girl. We have also been invited to attend an Adoption Exchange Day in October. This is where approved adopters and social workers get together to discuss children who are waiting to be adopted. It is a great opportunity to get ourselves known and hopefully get that all important match. This is where a flyer might come in handy! The ongoing activity that our social worker has had on us from other social workers is really good news, because it means there is continued interest in us. It helps us to reason that we are still childless after two and a half years down the adoption path because we haven't found OUR children yet, rather than because we are not getting ourselves known.

So much for taking a break lol!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span. We are planning for her to do a spring clean of windows, doors, skirting boards, etc. in a couple of weeks. Mary is sorting out cupboards and generally getting the house in order. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates will be attached when we get a match. We will sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Mary is concentrating on her studies and not work for the time being. Mungo is IT Manager for the UK arm of an international company situated a few minutes from home. It's just perfect for us as he will be able to work more flexibility when we have the Midges. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in.

Studying:
Mary's courses: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received an A in her 5th assignment and has started number 6 (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - exam date is 15th September. Mungo's courses: T175 (Networked Living) - waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - third assignment score was 87%; the fourth and final assignment will be submitted by 17th September.

04-Aug to 10-Aug

Family-finding:
We were recently been linked with three children and that link stopped when the birth family decided not to support the plan for adoption. We are taking a break from family finding for three weeks and then will start again. We are planning to go back to our social worker on the 17th August after a weekend away. Our annual review is due on the 8th, it has been a whole year since we were approved, so this is a good time to take a step back and assess where we have got to and decide how to progress our family finding. In the meantime, we have been busy: Mary had got back to her studying at last and Mungo has been applying for a new job in his company. Mary has also bought a new bed!

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span; she is getting the job done quicker now so we have given her a few more jobs to do. Household safety: items such as cupboard safety catches and stair gates to be attached when we get a match. We will then sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Mary will continue to concentrate on her studies and not work for the time being. Mungo is working full time in a IT role at an international company situated a few minutes from home. He has just been accepted for a new role - Mungo is now the IT Manager for the UK arm of the company - Mary is very proud of him! It's just perfect for us, especially when we have the Midges, as there will be more flexibility and he will be working for himself. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in.

Studying:
Mary's course will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of the year. Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - awaiting exam date in September. Mungo's courses will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges! T175 (Networked Living) - waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - second assignment score was 91% and third assignment was submitted on 23rd July.

28-Jul to 03-Aug

Family-finding:
We have been officially linked with a sibling group of three, aged. We were due to have a meeting with the Medical Advisor and foster carer on Monday 27th July. Late on Friday 24th July we were contacted by one of our agency's social workers to say that the outcome of a court hearing that day had not gone as expected and could she come straight over to discuss it. The hearing was designed to allow the the birth parents to confirm their intentions to support adoption of the three little ones that we are planning to adopt. They have changed their minds (again, apparently) and are no longer supporting the plan for adoption. They have come up with their own plan to keep the children within the family, which has potential to work. The judge closed the hearing saying assessments need to be done on the family members before any decisions can be made. The next court date is in February.

We had a meeting with our and the childrens' social worker on Monday to discuss our options and we have decided that the wait until February with such an unclear outcome is going to be too emotionally draining for us. We can't invest in 6 or more months when the likelihood is that we will come out with nothing. So today (29th) we have withdrawn our interest. Absolutely gutted :(

Who I feel most sorry for are the children; they have already been in care for 8 or more months. If the birth family plan is supported by the judge they will be going back into the same abusive environment from which they were removed into care. Speechless.

We are going to give it a couple of weeks and then go back to the agency for our annual review and to start again.

Home and cars:
The cleaner is helping to keep the house spick and span, lovely. Mary has cleared out the kitchen cupboards and got rid of 67 glasses! Cupboard safety catches to be attached to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will then sell Mary's car and purchase a nearly new car. Mungo's car will stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately.

Work:
Following the news about the failed link, we have decided that Mary will continue to concentrate on her studies and not work for the time being. The course will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of the year. Mungo is working full time in a IT role at a local company. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September. Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - Second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.

July

We have been potentially linked with a sibling group of three! Woo hoo!
We had a linking meeting on 7th July and our social worker said they would be 'bonkers' not to go with us :D
We received the call on 9th July and it was a YES! All systems are go go go!! We are now officially linked! We will be meeting the Local Authority's medical adviser on 27th July.
As requested by the children's social workers, we have stopped family-finding, as have they :D
A court case was heard where the birth family now have a plan that does not include adoption and the courts have asked for assessments to be carried out. As the plan is stronger than the one they previously had, there is no certainty of the outcome. The next court hearing is February. We have decided that, due to time scales and the now uncertain outcome, to pull out. Our and the childrens' social workers fully support our decision. Back to square one.

Stop

Stop offering me a blanket, when I feel icy cold
Stop making me feel young at heart, when I feel frail and old
Stop hugging me with tender arms, when I am oh so sad
Stop soothing me with gentle words, when I am raging mad

Stop putting pieces together, when I have to fall apart
Stop making friends with me, when we are miles apart
Stop giving me the strength I need, when I feel so very weak
Stop showing me the glowing map, when the road ahead is bleak

Stop guiding and protecting me, when I lose my way
Stop reminding me why I am here, when I want to call it a day
Stop pulling away the darkness, when I can’t find a light
Stop being there for each of us, in the middle of the night

Stop understanding everything, that no-one else could know
Stop quieting and calming, when I feel like I could blow
Stop building all those bridges, when I’ve never seen your face
Stop forgiving all my ranting, when I forget my poise and grace

Stop showing your compassion, when I grieve for what is lost
Stop checking to see if I’m okay, when I feel I’m not worth the cost
Stop giving me your counsel, when I don’t know where to turn
Stop reaching out that lifeline, when I want to fall and burn

Stop telling me of your great times, which make me cry with joy
Stop regaling me with stories, of your forever girl or boy
Stop cheering and applauding me, when I am really glad
Stop sending me best wishes, when DH is now a Dad

Stop celebrating and rejoicing, when baby’s at my chest
Stop calling me Mum or Mummy, when my children say it best
Stop selfless deeds; stop being kind, just stop for once and all
Just don’t stop your humanity; don’t let it stop at all


This is for all my friends on the Adoption UK message boards xxx

21-Jul to 27-July

Family-finding:
We have been officially linked with a sibling group of three - Midge, Tidge and Squidge! We have a meeting with the children's agency Medical Advisor on Monday (27th). During August there is a meeting with foster carers, pre-Matching Panel meeting, a court hearing and Matching Panel before it is decided whether we will be their parents! Introduction Planning Meetings are scheduled for week commencing 21st September with two-week introductions later that week, so they could be moving in with us in early October!

Mary has been doing a lot of surfing on the message boards of Adoption UK and getting lots of help, support and advice from others in the same situation as us. It is such a great source of information and had saved us lots of time when producing lists! Talking of lists, it has been a week of list-making! Lists of questions to ask the Medical Advisor and foster carer. Lists of things to buy! Lists of dates: 'how many sleeps until...'! Someone said that should be: 'how many shopping days until...'!

We had friends round last Saturday (18th) who are also adopting and it was lovely to share everyone's news. We also heard from some friends of ours who went to matching panel on Monday and got a YES! They meet their new daughter on Wednesday (22nd). Fabulous news everyone. It's great to keep in touch and share events, helping us to remember that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

Today (24th) we had a phone call from the agency saying the foster carer meeting has been re-jigged to Monday. Good job Mary has already produced a 'List of things to ask FC'!

Home and cars:
There are cupboard safety catches to be attached to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will be selling Mary's car and purchasing a nearly new car when we are matched. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately. We need to start thinking about what we need for when the children arrive. It is too early to start buying anything yet, so Mary has produced a generic list. When we meet with with the foster carer we can identify what we will actually need. They will probably just come with some clothes and toys - no furniture or anything else. We have two weeks between Matching Panel and introductions so that should be plenty of time to get everything we need.

Work:
Mary has finished work and is concentrating on her studies. The course will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the time of introductions! Mungo is working full time in a IT role at a local company. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September. Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - Second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.

14-Jul to 20-Jul

Family-finding:
We have been officially linked with a sibling group of three. Over the past few days we have been coming to terms with the possibility of having a family after nearly six years of trying. We are still mindful that there are two decisions that might not go our way, but for now we are a happy Mary and Mungo :) We are awaiting dates for meeting with their foster carer and their agency's Medical Adviser. In August there is a court hearing to decide whether the children are to be formally adopted as a sibling group or split up and raised separately within the wider birth family network. If the outcome is adoption then there is a matching panel date for 4th September to decide if we are to be their parents. Introduction Planning Meetings are scheduled for week commencing 21st September with introductions later that week. Introductions are likely to take about two weeks so they could be moving in with us in early October! Of course, all these dates are fluid, but it gives us something to aim for and something to advise Mungo's work of. As requested by the children's social workers, we have stopped family-finding elsewhere. This means we have dropped our potential links with all other sibling groups and are concentrating on these three little midges! The children's social workers have also stopped family finding.

16-Jul. Mary had a phone call from our social worker today asking us to attend a pre-matching panel meeting on 6th August with her and two other social workers from our agency. [To clarify: we are adopting children from a local authority some 30 or so miles from where we live whereas our social worker works at a private agency.] We will go through all the paperwork to identify any issues to be resolved or worked on. The meeting will also identify areas where we might need support from either the agency or local authority. This reduces the possibilty of any surprises or show-stoppers at matching panel. We are guessing it will make matching panel go more smoothly and give us a much better chance of approval. Sounds good to us!

17-Jul. We had another flurry of phone calls and emails from our social worker to book dates for meetings. Medical Adviser 27th July. Foster carer 4th or 7th August. Pre-matching Panel 6th August. We have also been asked not to start buying anything yet, which we were pleased to say we had already thought about and decided against anyway. Our social worker is happy that we are planning to wait until after the court case to start thinking about it and then after matching panel to start buying.

Home and cars:
We now have a cleaner, who is settling in nicely. There are cupboard safety catches to be attached to cupboards and drawers in the kitchen as soon as we are matched. We will be selling Mary's car and purchasing a nearly new car when we are matched. Mungo's car is to stay with us, as we can put car seats in the back of it when we take the children out separately. We need to start thinking about what we need for when the children arrive. It is too early to start buying anything so we can produce a generic list and then identify with the foster carer what we would need. They will probably just come with some clothes and toys - no furniture or anything else. We will start buying after matching panel; currently this gives us two weeks, which should be plenty.

Work:
Mary finishes working part time / casually at her local primary school on Thursday. She is no longer looking for a permanent role in September. The course that Mary is studying will help increase her salary and give her more flexibility and choice in the future. Studying must be finished by the end of August. Mungo is working full time in a IT role at a local company. His company, and indeed the MD, are very supportive of our plans for him to take time off during introductions and settling in. The course that Mungo is studying will provide him with more opportunities for roles inside and out of the company and provide a secure furture for him, Mary and our long awaited Midges!

Studying:
Mary: Childcare, Learning and Development, NVQ Level 3 - Received a B in her 4th assignment, has nearly completed her 5th (of 10). Nutrition and Health of School Aged Children, NVQ Level 2 - Awaiting exam date in September. Mungo: T175 (Networked Living) - Waiting for the result of the End of Course Assessment (ECA) that was submitted on the 21st May. M255 (Java Programming) - Second assignment score was 91% and third assignment is due for submission on 23^rd July.